


Catharsis

by FloofyJoon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Art, BL, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Boy's Love, Bring Me The Horizon - Freeform, Catharsis, Dancing, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Emo Levi, F/F, F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff, Gay, Gay Sex, Kinky, Kinky Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), M/M, One True Pairing, Seme Eren Yeager, Smut, Top Eren Yeager, Uke Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), dancer Eren, ereri, ereri fanfiction, kizomba, salsa - Freeform, the neighbourhood - Freeform, twenty one pilots - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-08-11 23:23:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 81,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7911592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloofyJoon/pseuds/FloofyJoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Estoy desesperadamente enamorado de ti," Eren says in a whisper, as he leaves a trail of kisses down my neck.</p><p>"Spanish," I state, and close my eyes as I relish in the feeling of his lips on my skin, "what does it mean?" I tilt my head to the side to grant him more access.</p><p>"I'm hopelessly in love with you."</p><p>*</p><p>Eren caught my attention from the start. A boy with the most beautiful eyes to ever exist is quite hard to ignore.</p><p>Especially when you're an artist who's trying to discover their aesthetic. He became mine.</p><p>He was breathtaking, but it was then that I saw him dance when I truly couldn't breathe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Levi

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! My name is Sophia, and this is my first Ereri fan fiction. Well really, my first boy's love story, so this is all kind of new to me. In the past I've written Zayn Malik fan fictions and posted them on Wattpad, but I've now moved on to a different site with a whole different user (I still love Zayn though, his music is just amazing).
> 
> I hope you find this story and enjoy it and maybe support me xD ? Ha. I stopped writing for a while because I thought my writing was terrible, but now I'm giving it another go. I've always wanted to be an author, so I hope some of you may like my writing. Okay, I'll stop now, enjoy the first chapter.

From since I could remember, all I did was draw. It was, in simple words, all I knew. Drawing was something I never gave up, or even contemplated. It was always something that gave me comfort, even through the toughest of times. Art was my definition of a drug, and continues to be forever.

You can do anything with art and make it look spectacular. There’s so many different meanings behind art, and that’s one of the reasons it intrigues me so much. You can interpret your own meaning into the masterpiece and make it something personal to you. I may be one of a few who does that and takes pleasure in it, but I like to think I appreciate people’s work more than others.

I care for art more than my wellbeing, but I don’t find that strangest in the slightest. I think that finding a passion and making it your entire life isn’t at all ‘sad’, as some would say, but rather incredible. Passion is wonderful in its many forms.

People say that ‘love’ is what they live for, but that’s a whole different story for me. I would rather have my drawing pencils in between my fingers than someone else’s fingers. It’s just the way I am.

I stare at the canvas in front of me blankly, waiting for inspiration to hit me. How can I just wait for it to hit me? Am I stupid? Obviously. Though I would rather like to think I’m not.

I place my pencil’s point onto my A4 canvas and try to concentrate. Why am I still doing this? I have been staring at this damned canvas for a full thirty minutes. I need to take a break.

I drop my pencil onto the small table next to the easel, and lean back in the wooden chair I’m sitting on. This has been going on for too long now, much too long. Where do I get the inspiration from? How do I get it? When will it come to me? I swear, the longer I’m not being inspired, the more frustrated I become. Yes, this loss of inspiration has happened many times before, but it has never lasted this long. A whole month it has been, to be exact.

I don’t understand how I’ve lost my will to draw. I’m lucky enough to live in an incredible city, where most of my inspiration sparks from, so why now? Is this just the lead-up to a spectacular piece of artwork? Hopefully, it is.

I try to calm myself by breathing steadily in and out of my mouth, and when I think I’ve calmed myself down, I pick myself up from my hard wooden seat. I take my glasses off my face and rub the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. I sigh quietly.

Normally I could just whip out a drawing and paint it within a short amount of time, but not this month. I swear this month is cursed  
I wander around my small house aimlessly, thinking about nothing; my mind is completely blank. Am I going through a crisis?

My phone suddenly vibrates in the front pocket of my black jeans, and then a ringtone begins to play. My right hand digs into the pocket and holds out a black touch-screen. The lettering on the screen spells out ‘Jean’, and I press my thumb to the green phone button to answer his call. Knowing him, he’s probably going to tell me something useless he did today, and expect me to give a shit. He has always been like that; just very talkative and open about himself. I’m the complete opposite.

“Oi, Levi!” Jean says very loudly into the speaker. I flinch away from the phone and frown. He’s so obnoxious. “Check out my spray paint I finished. Come on, come over now!” He says all too enthusiastically.

Jean doesn’t even tell me the location and he just expects me to pop up over there, somehow knowing where the hell he is? He’s a fucking genius, this one. “Idiot, I’ll come if you tell me where you are first,” I say, hinting at my annoyance a little too obviously. I shouldn’t be really taking out my frustrations on him.

“I was getting to that!” Jean continues yelling into the phone. His enthusiasm is too much. “This one’s at my house. A little personal masterpiece, you know?” I can practically see his wide grin.

I exit the front door of my house with my transit pass and earphones in one hand and my phone in the other. “I will be the judge of that, Jean,” I say, a smirk nearly forming on my lips.

“You asshole. It is good; you’ll know when you see it,” he says, obviously proud of himself, and then hangs up right after. We never say ‘bye’ on the phone, it just isn’t something we do. We’re too comfortable with each other to be polite.

I walk over near to the nearest bus stop, which isn’t too far away from my house luckily, and sit on the bench provided. I cross my arms over my chest and cross one leg over the other. Not too long after I arrive at the bus stop, group of four high school girls pass by me. I pay no attention to them as they stare at me a bit too long. Do they have an issue with me?

The girl with blonde hair says a little too loudly, “He’s so hot!” and her friends all agree with her. I appear a little surprised and my body tenses. I’m not used to compliments at all, so I’m very awkward when I receive them; directly or not.

A few girls asked me out in high school, but I think most people were put off by my awkwardness on receiving any type of compliment. Even when people have good things to say about my art, I appear very shy. I wish it didn’t happen, but it does, and it frustrates me consistently.

The bus arrives at my stop, and the door opens to reveal a man in a hat in the driver’s seat. I show him my pass and he nods his head to give me the ‘okay’. I slip the pass in my back pocket. I sit down on the bus next to the window and look around. There isn’t many people here.

I grab out my earphones in my pocket and plug them into my phone. I go to the ‘My Music’ application and press my thumb on the ‘Bring Me the Horizon’ album: That’s The Spirit. I press shuffle and ‘Happy Song’ begins to play. I love this album, and I don’t love a lot of things. Oliver starts to sing in the song, and my lips just barely move to match his words.

Ten minutes pass, and I arrive at my stop. My earphones are back in my pocket as well as my phone, and I exit out of the public bus. I only have to walk a few blocks to get to Jean’s house, and when I do, I knock on his door.

What did he spray paint that made him call me up and tell me to see it right away? He doesn’t usually do that. And where on Earth on his house did he spray paint, anyway?  
Jean’s been a spray painter for years now. People are always hiring him to spray paint on walls because he’s honestly, very good at it. I’ve seen pretty much all his work and most of it is incredible. I could never spray paint; it seems too out of control for me. It probably seems stupid, but that’s how I feel.

Jean opens the door and a wide grin is spread across his face, most likely the widest I’ve seen on him. What the hell is he so happy about? “Glad you could make it!” he waves his hand for me to come inside.

I enter his home; it’s basically the same size as my house. Though it’s very different. His home’s walls are covered in Marvel and Suicide Squad posters. Jean, being the pervert he is, has many posters of the very attractive ‘Harley Quinn’. “You didn’t really give me much of a choice. You were practically screaming in the phone, Jean,” I reply, raising one eyebrow at him.

“You’re going to like this one, Levi. No, you’ll love it!” he says and wipes his finger on my face and I back away confusedly. I look down at Jean’s fingers and see that they’re covered in different colours of spray paint. He wiped some of it on me.

I push him back slightly with my hand. “You fucker, this shit doesn’t come off easy!” a smile nearly forms on my face. If anyone else had done that, I would have belted him. But it’s Jean, my best friend since high school, so I don’t care as much.

“I was going to wipe my hands all over your white shirt, but believe it or not, I’m actually a decent guy so I reconsidered,” he says playfully, and I turn around to see a smirk on his stupid face. What an idiot.

I stealthily reach the top of Jean’s head on the tips of my toes and grab his beanie. I immediately throw it across the room and smack the side of head. Not too hard though. Jean smiles again, and I wonder whenever he is ever not smiling. “I hate you, I really do,” he laughs slightly, “aren’t we friends, love?”

I’ve become used to the nickname he calls his close friends. Jean is a little quirky that way. “No, now show me your artwork, dipshit,” I flick his shoulder with my thumb and forefinger.

Jean laughs again. “You’ve probably used every insulting word on me. True friendship right there,” he walks over to his small laundry, and I follow him. He opens the door next to the washing machine that leads out to his small backyard, and gestures for me to walk outside.

“I probably have. I even search up insulting words on Google just to use them on you,” I reply back, being a tad of an asshole. It’s okay to be an asshole around Jean because he’s one himself.

“I’m touched,” Jean replies back with a fake, overdramatised voice. He places his hand over his heart for a moment, then leads me to the back of the house. But before I can catch a glimpse of his artwork, he places his hands over my eyes.

“Okay, brace yourself,” Jean says into my ear. I roll my eyes under his hands and put one hand to my hip.

“Just show me already, idiot,” I say, and Jean chuckles before he removes his hands, and I’m met with every colour you could think of. It’s truly amazing, but it’s not the colours that have me smiling.

Amongst all the brilliant colours, there’s a sort of cartoon version of Jean, myself, Farlan and Petra. All in a row, our arms around one another lovingly. The painting captures the essence of us wonderfully; Petra is smiling, her eyes closed happily. Jean is smirking, his eyes bright. Farlan has a small, awkward smile, which shows his shyness. I’m the only one not smiling, but I somehow fit within the happiness of it all.

The background around us is random blotches of colour, and it works incredibly. There’s a word written in bold letters beneath us, and it says ‘FOREVER’. I can’t hold back my smile when I look at the scene in front of me. It’s too amazing not to.

I look back at Jean and see the biggest grin on his face. I understand fully now why he was so excited to show me. “Hey, you’re actually smiling! Do you like it that much?” he walks over to me and looks at his artwork. I look back to it as well, admiring every detail.

“Do I like it? Jean, I fucking love it!” I say and mean it. He chuckles at me, probably amused at my reaction to it. I expected something amazing, but this exceeds my expectations.

It’s not just the way it was drawn and painted, it’s the whole meaning behind it all. That’s what captures my attention most in art. I love how Jean thought of us and displayed our friendship on this amazing piece of art. And I really like how the word ‘FOREVER’ is spelt out at the bottom, it tells me Jean plans to stick with us for a really long time, and I got to admit, I do to.

He has always been one to show massive amounts of affection to the ones close to him, and when I look at this, I feel a wave of positivity enter me. I feel happy inside.  
“You guys are my inspiration in life, including for all my artworks. You really are,” Jean confesses to me, and I turn to look at him, “I don’t know what I’d do without you idiots. I love you guys.” Jean’s wide grin is replaced with a sloppy smile, and I look down at the ground.

I look up at him after a few seconds and tap his head with my knuckles. “You’re such a sap, Jean. Your heart’s gone all soft, hasn’t it? Come on, what happened to you?” my lips are shaped into a smile as I tease him.

The truth is, Jean has been this way all along. He’s an asshole, but he’s one of the kindest people I know. “Oh, shut up! You know it took my whole soul to say that. I get that it’s cheesy, but it’s how I really feel…so…just shut up!” his face has a slight red tinge to it as he says those words.

I laugh at him, a genuine laugh. And in this moment, I just feel absolutely ecstatic. I’m lucky to have such amazing friends.


	2. Model

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I ended up updating again today! I got a day off school, so that's why! I'm not planning when I'm going to update, it'll just happen. So I hope I get enough support that I keep updating frequently :)

“Oh, Jean! I love you!” Petra yells happily, and latches onto him by putting her arms around his neck in a tight embrace. I almost laugh at Jean’s expression; he looks like he’s being suffocated.

“Of course you do, I mean, who doesn’t love me?” he replies back arrogantly, and Petra pushes him away roughly. Jean laughs but Petra rolls her eyes. I haven’t seen these guys in a couple of weeks; I’ve missed them.

On the couch where I’m watching them converse, I pick up my tea cup from the coffee table. I take a sip out of it. The water is still too hot, so I put it back down to wait for it to cool a bit. Farlan is seated next to me. He’s watching the both of them cautiously, making sure they don’t get into an argument I bet.

“No, but seriously, I’m really touched. That spray paint is incredible and just- ah! I love it, thank you,” Petra smiles widely up at Jean. He returns her smile with one of his own, though it’s more of a proud smile if anything.

“Yeah, it is spectacular. Thanks Jean,” Farlan says a little quietly and places a small smile on his pale face. Farlan may seem a little shy at times, but he has his moments. I mean it. Sometimes he’ll propose going skydiving, and well, I’m really not about that life.

Underneath all that shyness, Farlan is actually one outrageous man. “Thank you guys, it means a lot to me that you love it,” Jean replies, emotion evident in his voice. It must have taken him forever to complete that artwork. It’s so well done and it’s really big; basically covering the entire back of his house.

“Anyway, Levi, how’s your sister, Mikasa? I haven’t seen her in a long time,” Petra asks me and situates herself to the seat next to me. Mikasa is my younger sister. She’s twenty years old while I’m twenty-five.

“She’s well. Her modelling career is coming along great according to her, but I haven’t spoken to her in a few days. I think she’s really busy,” I reply, taking a sip out of my tea. It’s finally drinkable.

I cross one leg over the other and Petra looks at me with bright eyes. “That’s good! She’s so beautiful, so I would expect her to be doing well in her modelling career,” she compliments my sister in a cheery tone, “I don’t understand why you’re not a model to. You could totally do it and people would absolutely adore you! I mean, come on! Look at yourself!” Petra flings her arms in the air, gesturing to my body.

I choke on my tea accidentally and break out into a coughing fit. I lean over to place my tea cup on the coffee table again. “There’s no way in hell I could model. Are you kidding me, Petra?” I cough in between words.

Jean joins the conversation. “Hey, Levi, I’m a guy and I think you’re attractive. Now that’s a compliment. You should model! Imagine the pay, come on,” he says a little mischievously. I cock my head to the side when I look up at him.

“Jean, are you sure you’re not gay? First you were saying you love me and now you think I’m hot? I’m starting to question your sexuality,” I say, a sly smirk on my face as I say the words. I know he’s not gay, I just like annoying him.

“You little asshole. I ain’t gay, Goddammit. Though there’s nothing wrong with being gay. I just thought you were used to my openness by now!” Jean’s face is a little aggravated, but I know he’s only doing that to make me feel bad. It’s not working though. I’ve known Jean long enough to know everything about him.

“I know, I know dipshit. I was just fucking with you,” I chuckle a little bit. Though I can hardly call it a chuckle, “and thanks for the compliment, though I know I will never get into modelling. I mean, I’m not even interested in it in the first place.”

Farlan finally speaks up. “Yeah, you’re way too deep in your art,” he implies. I nod at him.

“See? Farlan understands,” I say to the group of four of us. I don’t understand why they think I should do something as outrageous as modelling. I’m not even that damn attractive and I’m probably one of the most awkward people alive. Though I have been told I don’t seem like it.

“Your art is stopping you from doing things you should do. I want to look in a magazine and point you out in it: strutting your stuff in fancy-ass clothes,” Jean laughs to himself and I reach out to slap his knee.

“Fuck you, asshole. I’m not modelling even if they paid me a million dollars a fortnight. Could you imagine how fucking weird I would look, walking down that aisle thing? Nope, I don’t want to imagine it,” I say into my hands. The thoughts of me walking down an aisle instantly makes me cringe. I will never model.

Petra interferes. “You would be hot! Honestly, girls would be all over you! And who doesn’t want that? Even I know you want that, even if you appear to be an emotionless shithead most of the time,” she says cheerfully, despite her words. Petra pats my head once and I turn my head to raise an eyebrow at her.

What is it with people and thinking I’m hot? I’m really not. “Thanks Petra,” I say, rolling my eyes at her, “I’m not even hot, so it wouldn’t work out. And I love art, I would never leave it for anything.” It’s true. I love art too much.

Farlan suddenly slaps lightly across the back of my head. I turn to him, my eyebrows furrowed. “You’re much more attractive than any of us, so shut up,” he smiles at me. I roll my eyes at him as well. They’re just being stupid now.

“Enough about that, anyway,” Jean announces, “my friend is staying over for a few weeks with me starting from Friday. Just thought I’d let you know.” He tells all of us this, and walks away to fetch something, but Petra stops him stealthily.

She grabs onto his shirt tightly. “Hold up! What friend? Explain in full detail,” Petra furrows her eyebrows at him. Jean rolls his eyes at her, but returns to the group nonetheless.

Jean puts one hand to his hip. “It’s my friend, Eren, remember him? The one that lives, like, on the other side of the city basically? The dancer guy?” Jean looks at us to see if we remember him. I certainly do, though I only met him very briefly. “Yeah, well since I never get to see the guy because he’s always busy, he agreed upon taking a small break and staying with me a few weeks.”

Petra immediately perks up. “Oh yeah! I remember Eren! He’s that salsa dancer. He’s kind of cute, isn’t he?” she looks towards Farlan and I. Why is she looking at us? If she thinks Eren is cute, why should that concern us?

“Cool, as long he isn’t a nuisance, then everything’s okay,” I say, putting my thumb up. Petra frowns at me, but I ignore it completely. Farlan awkwardly chuckles beside me.

“You’re a bigger asshole than Jean! You’re treating Eren like a child! You do realise that he is your sister’s age,” Petra puts both her hands on her hips. She’s always been the one to call us out on our bullshit; just like a mother. Though I wouldn’t really know what it meant to have a mother.

“No, I wouldn’t know, since I barely know him,” I state. I do remember his last name though: Jaeger. When I first heard it I thought it was a really nice last name, just like his first name. He’s got a really nice name overall.

Petra smirks at me. “I remember very clearly that you told me he had brilliant eyes. Now, you haven’t forgotten that, have you? It was quite amazing to hear you say that,” she giggles mischievously at me. How on earth did she remember that? I was hoping she was busy trying to forget that moment like I have been.

Jean looks at me wide-eyed. I fucking hate Petra right now. “No way! You said that, Levi? No fucking way! Now I’m questioning your sexuality! Oh, this is great,” Jean bursts out in laughter. I look to Farlan for support, but I see him trying to supress his laughs. I hate my friends.

“Shut up, dick head! It just sort of came out wrong, okay? It was meaning to be a compliment, not a desperate plea to fuck him!” I yell at him, a little pissed off. “Like you’ve interpreted it!” my arms and legs tense. I hate being misunderstood.

Jean puts his hands up in defence. “Hey now, I never said you wanted to fuck him. You made that up yourself,” he says slyly, being the asshole that he is. In moments like these I wish I could hit him over the head; really hard.

I roll my eyes at him. That’s all I ever do around my friends: roll my eyes. “Whatever Jean, let’s just make this clear: I’m not gay. Jesus, is it wrong for me to compliment somebody? Since when was it illegal?” I pick up my tea cup to take a sip, but I’m met with cold water. Great.

“I know you ain’t gay, I was just fucking with you, as you like to put it,” Jean replies, like the arrogant dick he is. He’s such a good person deep down, but he’s so frustrating.

“I hate you,” I retaliate. Jean laughs at my statement.

“You’ve told me,” he walks over to pat my head kindly. I look up at him, not impressed at all. Petra and Farlan look at us with warm smiles on their faces.

The truth is, I remember Eren Jaeger very well. Well, I remember what I know of him, which isn’t at all anything basically. I do remember his eyes very clearly however. The spectacular green stood out amazingly on his slightly tanned skin and brown hair. It’s sort of mesmerising.

Now, what the actual fuck am I talking about? Why the hell am I talking about his features as though he was a work of art? Is this tea spiked, or some shit?

I shake my head slightly to rid myself of the weird thoughts. It’s just his eyes that I like. To any artist, they would appear quite beautiful.

Okay, this tea was definitely spiked.

I place the tea cup back on coffee table once more and lean back in my chair with one leg crossed over the other. “Wait, what day is it today?” Petra asks the three of us. I don’t really understand why Petra hangs out with us, I mean, we’re all guys. Doesn’t she even have any girl friends of her own?

“It’s Wednesday today. Why?” Farlan answers Petra’s question. She sits down next to me again.

“That means Eren is coming the day after tomorrow. Jean, you better tidy up your house real nice for him. I bet Eren lives in a nice, clean home where there aren’t posters of Harley Quinn’s breasts spilling out of her shirt everywhere,” Petra scolds him lightly. I chuckle a little at this, because it’s probably true.

Jean shrugs his shoulders. “Hey, he’s a bloke, he’ll probably praise me for having them hanging around my home,” he leaves the area, like he planned to do before. Petra just scoffs and Farlan smiles shyly. Like he always does.

“Well, I’m going to help Jean tidy his house. I don’t want Eren coming here seeing this mess; he seems like a guy who wouldn’t enjoy sleeping in laundry. Come to think of it, who even likes sleeping in laundry?” Petra shrugs her shoulders and leaves us to follow Jean.

I sigh. I wonder what this Eren guy is like?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had lots of fun writing this, and Eren is finally introduced! I absolutely adore Ereri, so I'm really striving to complete this story. Other stories I've done in the past have never been completed, so I'm going to make it my mission to complete this one. Let's hope you're there to see when it's completed :)
> 
> Goodbye :D


	3. Salsa

It’s Thursday morning, and I still haven’t found inspiration to draw anything. I would have thought after witnessing Jean’s incredible art that I would eventually find the inspiration I needed, but no, absolutely nothing has come to me. It’s possibly the most frustrating thing to exist.

I sit there in my hard wooden chair, staring at the blank canvas once more. When will this stop? Why can’t I think of anything? This is getting too ridiculous.

I sigh and drop my head down so that it faces my thighs. I’ve never been so drained of creativity in my life; it’s sort of depressing.

I think I need to get out of this house for a bit; maybe then something will come to me and I can finally be at peace. Normally a song can inspire me massively, but not this month. No matter what song I listen to, I can’t seem to find anything worth creating.

I slip my green jacket on over my white collared shirt and don’t bother to button it up. I walk to the front door to grab my black boots and apply them. I wonder for a few seconds if I should bring my transit pass, but I decide against it. A walk would do me good.

I insert my thin wallet into the back pocket of my black jeans, and head out the door. I close the door behind me and begin to exit my property. It isn’t big at all, but what would you expect, living in the city?

I walk onto the rough cement paving and turn to the right, heading into the city further. What am I expecting to find? What could possibly show up that would make me want to rush back home and draw it? Nothing. I feel no creativity in me at all.

I wander forward with my left thumb in my left pocket. I look to the side and spot two people yelling loudly at each other. A short boy with a buzz cut and a taller girl with her brown hair tied up both with big smiles on their face, as they look around the shops. Don’t they realise that people are looking at them like a couple of idiots? People like that drive me insane.

“Ah! Connie, come on! We got to take a photo in front of this!” the girl says excitedly to the short guy beside her. She has a phone in her hand, and she pulls it out in front of her and the short guy to take a picture.

“It’s just a lolly shop, Sasha! Why would we need to take a picture in front of that?” the energetic man says loudly, his hands gesturing to the lolly shop behind them. The girl chuckles at him.

She pulls out one finger. “One: I want to remember this shop name later so we can visit it, and two: I want to take as many pictures as possible with you,” the girl leans down to peck the short man on the cheek. He instantly flushes, but I catch him kissing her back lovingly.

I see a few of the people who were looking at them like they were demented, turn away and smile. A couple younger guys in high school yell out a string of ‘ooooh’s and wolf whistles. It’s quite immature, but I find myself amused.

This is a bit depressing of me, but I don’t really believe in love. Most situations I know of don’t work out well and turn out for the worse. I remember Jean dated my sister for a while, which is really fucking weird, but my input didn’t make a difference for them. They started off as friends who met each other through me, but Jean developed feelings for Mikasa soon enough and so did she. After a while they were going out, but it seemed that they both misunderstood their feelings for love, and broke up not long after.

Some people find their perfect match, but it’s hardly ever you’ll find a couple who can tolerate each other. I know I’ll never find someone I love deeply, and I’m perfectly okay with that. All I need is myself, my friends and art. I’m fine with the way things are going now; I don’t need anything to mess it up.

Even that Connie and Sasha will find themselves not in love with each other anymore, and break up eventually as well. It’s just life.

I continue walking forward, admiring the tall buildings and unique people. Though nothing is coming to me. Soon enough, I notice a giant, old, cream-coloured building. It’s quite beautiful; the old-fashioned sense I get from it. I’ve seen this building numerous times, but I’ve never bothered to look inside. All I know of it is that it’s a dance studio.

I couldn’t dance even if my life depended on it.

Since I have nothing better to do, I move towards the building. I look it up and down and touch my finger on the outside of it. It’s rough and it needs a paint job desperately, though, I think that’s one of the things it makes it so unique.

I peer inside the window, standing on the tips of my toes, and take a look of what is inside. I see a man with brown hair and a girl with long blonde hair with their hands holding each other’s, dancing. The man leads, and he moves in fast movements. The girl’s waist moves side to side quickly, and both of their feet are constantly moving. It’s energetic; the way they’re dancing, and it’s mesmerising.

I can hear the music faintly, though I can’t understand it at all since the singer is singing in a different language. I wish I could know the language, but it’s impossible for me to know. The girl spins around numerous times, and at some points during their dancing, the man moves his hips in a delicious way.

Delicious? Fucking delicious? What am I on?

The way the brown-haired man is looking is serious; extremely concentrated. He looks incredible; his dancing has no flaws. The girl looks amazing as well. She’s completely immersed in the dance and my eyes can’t seem to wander away from the two of them.

I can see the sweat on the back of the man’s pale blue shirt. I would normally be cringing, but right now I find it nothing of the sort. He twirls the girl again, and quickly, the both of them come closer together; barely any space between them. The girl moves her hips in a seductive way and the man does the same. Though he’s much sexier.

What the hell is my mind doing? I swear Jean spiked my tea; I’m not even going to pass that up.

They split a part again and move their legs extremely fast. This dancing looks similar to something I’ve seen before. It’s not tango; tango is a bit more intimate. This type of dancing is much more fast-paced, and well, it’s absolutely stunning.

I find myself wandering over and opening the door of the entrance. I open it a little bit and take a peek inside; they’re both still dancing till their heart’s content. It’s so mesmerising. I’ve never been interested in dance, but this whole display makes me want to watch thousands of others dance the way these two are.

It’s inspiring, and it finally hits me: the inspiration I needed.

I open the door wider and step inside. I’m not sure why I do it, but I do anyway. I want to watch the way the man’s body moves to the music, the way he looks when he’s concentrating, for a really long time. I’m utterly speechless.

The song ends, and the dancers stop in a final pose. The girl almost to the floor as the man keeps her propped up with his arm. It’s truly spectacular.

I stand there, my mouth opened slightly in shock. The pair let go of each other and stand up normally. The sweat is evident on the both of them, and they’re both showing their exhaustion by puffing slightly. “Can we help you?” the brown haired man makes his way over to me with a small smile on his face. Oh shit.

It’s Eren Jaeger.

“Uh-um…no, sorry. I just saw your dancing through the window, and well, I thought it was brilliant, and-” I’m cut off of my awkward sentence by Eren speaking.

“You’re Levi, aren’t you? You’re the only one I know with a face like that,” Eren giggles ever so slightly, and I find myself confused. What the hell is wrong with my face? He notices my expression, “oh, no! I didn’t mean that in a cold way, it’s just that you look a lot like your model sister, Mikasa. And I did kind of meet you briefly before.” Eren mentions my sister.

“Yeah, I do remember you. Aren’t you staying with Jean for a couple of weeks?” I ask, though I already know. I don’t know what else to say.

“Yes, I am,” he gives me a warm smile. My fingers start to fidget a bit.

The blonde girl walk over. Now when I really look at her, I notice she’s very short. “Who’s this, Eren? A friend?” she asks him, her hand placed on top of Eren’s shoulder. She seems polite.

Eren turns his head to look at her. I take a glance at his neck. It’s slightly tanned like the rest of his body, and it’s quite long. It’s kind of pretty. Pretty? What the fuck? “Oh, this is Jean’s friend, Levi,” Eren introduces me, “Krista, meet Levi.” The blonde girl reaches her hand out to shake mine. I do so, but awkwardly.

“Nice to meet you,” she says, a very friendly and polite smile on her face.

“Likewise,” I reply back, letting go of her hand, “I was just wondering, what sort of dance were you doing? I can’t really put a name to it.” I ask away. I really want to know. It was extremely interesting to watch.

Eren answers for me. “Oh, that was salsa. It’s a very tiring dance, as you can tell by my shirt,” he laughs and gestures towards his sweat-covered shirt. I reply by giving him a small smile of my own in return.

“Salsa, huh?” I put my finger to my chin. “It’s a spectacular dance style.” I blurt out, without realising what I said.

Eren nods. “Thank you, I’ve dedicated my life to salsa, and I try very hard to make it as amazing as it can be,” he replies back warmly, his bright green eyes looking into my silver ones. I don’t know why, but I feel like time has stopped for a moment or so.

Krista joins in. “Yeah, he has. But this cheeky little bastard also does a little bit of, dare I say, kizomba,” she puts her hand over her mouth to hide her smirk. Kizomba? What on Earth is that?

I think Eren catches on to my confusion when he looks at my expression. “Oh, Krista, explain kizomba to him. You’re better with explaining things,” Eren pushes the responsibility to Krista. She laughs a little but doesn’t decline.

“It’s an overly-sexualised dance,” the blonde tells me, and my eyes widen slightly, “it’s a very intimate dance, and it’s extremely sexy. Eren is a little pervert and likes things like that.” Krista laughs and reaches up to tug on his ear. Eren winces and flicks her shoulder.

“I am not a pervert, it’s just a cool dance,” Eren’s face reddens a little bit, and I can tell he’s lying. He rolls his eyes at her and she laughs again, this time a wider smile on her face. Eren looks like he’s pouting, and I want to reach out to him and touch his face.

Alright, these fucking weird thoughts stop now.

“He also does a little bit of belly dancing! Eren’s into all the sexy dancing, aren’t you, Eren?” Krista teases him by pulling his cheek a bit. This girl is very friendly with him. “He’s very good at it though. This guy has dedicated his life to dancing.”

I can kind of relate to Eren here. He has dedicated his life to dancing while I’ve dedicated mine to art.

I suddenly have a mental image of Eren swaying his hips side to side sexily, and I nearly bash myself across the head. What is wrong with me?

I look up to Eren and see that’s smiling down at me. And right then, I have the weirdest feeling that he’s going to cause a lot of problems for me while he’s visiting.

And I don’t know why.


	4. Spanish and French

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo! I updated! I'm having so much fun writing this story, and I really hope that you guys continue reading it :)
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

“Eren! Come over here, you little dipshit!” Jean yells happily and gestures for Eren to come inside. Eren has a big smile of his own, and the both of them give each other a ‘manly’ sort of hug.

I sit on the arm of the couch and watch them with my arms folded over my chest. I sometimes forget Jean has friends outside of our little friend group; maybe because I don’t have any of my own. I don’t need anyone else though; I have everyone I need in my life already.

I’m perfectly content.

“Levi! Didn’t think you would be here,” Eren turns his attention to me, his eyes a bit brighter as they look down on me. A bit brighter? How? He brings his suitcase further inside and situates it near his feet.

“Hi Eren,” I say a little awkwardly. I’m just no good with new people, “how are you?” I say, keeping the conversation light. I don’t know why I’ve come here; I really have no reason to be. Strangely enough however, I was a little excited to come here. I have no clue why though.

Eren sits down next to me, taking the spot next to the armchair I’m sitting on. “I’m really well, thank you,” he says kindly, crossing one leg over the other, “are your other friends coming over, Jean? I’d like to meet them again.” Eren says politely. He’s so kind, yet he looks so feisty when he dances.

Just who is Eren Jaeger?

And why the fuck do I care?

“Ah, well, I thought you should get settled first, and you could meet them again tomorrow. How does that sound?” Jean suggest to Eren. Eren nods and smiles up at him. He’s so cute.

Fucking hell. Is it because I’m so deprived of sexual activities that I’m even pouncing onto men? My hormones are crazy. This has never happened before.

I look down at my lap, wondering what to say. Why should I feel the need to say anything, though? “Hey Eren, I’ll just put your suitcase in your room and you can go in there a bit later,” Jean states and grabs onto the handle of the black suitcase.

“Are you sure? I can take it,” Eren says, furrowing his eyebrows at my best friend a little bit. He’s says he should take the suitcase to the room himself, though he’s making no moves to grab it from Jean.

“Yeah, positive. I’ll be back in a few seconds,” Jean rolls the suitcase away from the lounge room and leaves the two of us alone. For some reason, I feel a little fidgety. I never feel fidgety.

Eren turns his head to look up at me from his seating on the couch. “So, how long have you known Jean?” he asks me. He probably doesn’t care at all; he’s just most likely trying to make it not awkward between us.

I answer him nonetheless. “Since the first year of high school when I was about 15. Yeah, we’ve known each other for a really long time,” I answer him, looking into his green eyes. There’s something about them that’s got me thinking, “how long have you been dancing?” I mention his career, hobby, whatever it is.

“Trece anos,” Eren says the words with an accent. An extremely sexy one at that. Was that Spanish? I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, but Eren’s grin becomes wider, “it means ‘thirteen years’ in Spanish. Yes, I’ve been dancing since I was 7.” 

His accent is flawless; utterly flawless. I don’t know much about Spain or anything related to it, but I know he nailed that accent. “That’s a bloody long time. You must be a professional,” I say, secretly wishing he would talk to me in Spanish again. Why am I wishing that?

Eren shakes his head side to side slowly. “No, no way. I’ve barely recognised myself being capable to dance amazingly. Lots of people tell me I’m great at dance, and I know I’m good at it, I just lack a bit of confidence in myself,” Eren tells me, looking up at me from the couch with a smaller smile. How could this man lack confidence? If I was him, I don’t think I would be able to.

“You’re brilliant at dance. Don’t let your negative thoughts get to you because they aren’t true. Really, I’m being honest,” I say, a little emotion seeping through my voice. I hate seeing people bringing themselves down, especially ones with potential. Though I’ve never been good at bringing up people’s spirits.

Eren smiles wider. “Thank you so much, Levi,” his voice a little cheery, “it’s nice to get an outsider’s opinion on my dance. Feels a bit more special than anyone else’s critiques.” I divert my eyes away from his.

Jean comes back from the guest room and stands in front of us behind the coffee table. “Petra can’t wait to see you apparently, that’s what she just told me over the phone,” Jean smirks at Eren, “she’s always liked dancing, so I think she’s developed a liking for you.” He scruffs the top of his head so his hair sticks up a bit.

“That’s so nice of her! I vaguely remember Petra; she’s the one who waitresses at that amazing restaurant, right?” Eren leans forward in his chair so his full attention is on Jean.

Jean nods. “Yeah, she does,” he answers. I look at Eren for a moment. His brown hair is a dark shade and it’s incredibly shiny. I want to reach over and touch it; it looks so soft. I want to run my hands through it numerous times and…

Yep, there’s something very wrong with me.

I shake my head and close my eyes. I look up and see Jean looking at me like I’ve gone insane. “Are you alright? What was that about?” he asks me, so Eren looks over to me with concern.

No I’m not alright, is what I want to say. A certain dancer boy is making me have sexual thoughts. I’ve never really had a sex drive, so why the hell is this happening now? Is it because Eren looks so pretty, that I’m having weird thoughts? Is it because he dancers so brilliantly, that I find him a little attractive? That’s the only explanation. I mean, I know I’m not gay. I’ve dated girls before and I’ve never been attracted to boys.

I’m just going through that stage where I’m confused by who I am; that’s it. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie to Jean’s face. Although, I don’t sound convincing at all. Even Jean can see through my lie.

He gives me an unsure look, and I return it with raised eyebrows. Jean turns his attention away from me to Eren. “Sorry Eren, there really isn’t much room for you to prance around here,” he smirks at him, “and I wouldn’t appreciate broken furniture very much.”

“You idiot, it’s not like I do ballet! I’m a salsa dancer! Sinceramente…” Eren tells him off and shakes his head playfully. Was that Spanish again? Oh God, I love it. Who knew I could be so attracted to Spanish words?

Jean folds his arms and rolls his eyes. “Eren, for fuck’s sake, shut the hell up with the French, would you? Stop showing off,” he tells him off playfully. I try to hide a smile at Jean; he totally fucked up. It’s not French: it’s Spanish. Why am I friends with this idiot, again?

Eren laughs aloud at him. His voice fills the room. “You fucking idiot, Jean,” Eren insults him, a smile on his face, “it’s Spanish! You’ve known me for years and yet you don’t even know the language of my dance style? What kind of friend are you?” he pretends to act hurt by placing a hand over his heart.

Jean walks past me to ruffle Eren’s hair roughly. “A fucking good one, and you know it. Don’t deny it,” he chuckles at his own stupidity. Jean is right about one thing though: he is a good friend. A very good one.

I say the first thing that pops in my head. “How much Spanish do you know?” I say, a little curious. I keep my arms crossed over my chest.

Eren looks me directly in the eyes. “I don’t know a lot yet, but I do know a fair bit. I’m currently just singing along to Spanish songs, not knowing what the hell they’re saying,” Eren tells me with a heart-warming smile and a small chuckle. I nearly return it.

Jean joins in. “Yeah, but you know enough to piss me off with it,” he slaps Eren across the head lightly and Eren chuckles again. His chuckle is so uplifting for some reason.

“I wish I grew up with the language. My grandfather was Spanish while my grandmother was German. They had my father later on, and he married my mother who was British and Spanish. Yeah, I’m very mixed,” Eren tells me a little bit about himself.

That explains his slightly tanned skin. It looks so smooth and delicate, and it contrasts so well with his big green eyes. “Really? That’s interesting. I’m part German, British and French. Nothing really interesting with that,” I tell him, my eyes wandering off his.

Eren retaliates. “Not interesting? Of course it is! French is beautiful. Do you know any?” I’m surprised by his response, and I look over at him to see his eyes are bright. Extremely bright.

I put my finger to my lip and look forward. I try to think of quotes I’ve heard in French. I’m very limited on the language, definitely more limited than Eren with Spanish. “Uh, yeah. Quand on a pas ce que I’on aime, il faut aimer ce que I’on a,” I say, trying to lace the words with an accent.

Eren looks up at me like I’m the most amazing thing to exist, and something stirs in me suddenly. I stare into his eyes and he does the same with mine. I don’t know why, but I feel uneasy.

“Who knew you could spit out French like that? Levi, I thought I knew you. You’re far out of my league now,” Jean says a little too enthusiastically. I bite my bottom lip in embarrassment and Eren still continues to look at me; amazed.

It isn’t that amazing. It’s just something I memorised. “That was beautiful,” Eren tells me, but I feel like he didn’t mean to say that, as he turns away from me just after he says it, “what does it mean?” he says, clearing his throat right after.

I answer him. “When one doesn’t have the things that one loves, one must love what one has,” I say slowly, the words sinking into me as I say them. They’re meaningful words, telling the absolute truth.

Jean’s mouth is open slightly in shock. Jesus, is it abnormal to speak a little bit of a different language? He’s sure acting like it. “That’s some deep shit, Levi. Well, you’ve always been like that, I guess,” Jean says, his voice quieting down towards the end.

Eren looks up at me from the couch. Normally, I would have told him to piss off by now, but I’m too caught up in his eyes. The colour of them, the way they’re brighter as they look at me. Why is he so entranced? My mouth opens slightly, and in this moment I feel like there’s only the two of us in the entire world.

Jean snaps the both of us from our trance. “Eren, I should bring you over to Levi’s place one time. He’s an artist, and he has some amazing sketches and completed pieces that I’m sure he would be glad to show you,” Jean insists. He did not organise this with me.

Eren smiles. “I would absolutely love to, if Levi is alright with it of course,” he says enthusiastically. Why is he so enthusiastic? It’s just art; he probably thinks art is nothing compared to his dance.

I agree to it anyway. No one has seen my art in a while, and it’d be nice to get an opinion on it. “Yeah, okay. One day. We have two weeks, so, come on over whenever I guess,” why am I acting so unsure? I’ve never been this way around Jean; around anyone.

What is Eren Jaeger doing to me?


	5. Kizomba

I don’t think it was a good idea to come back to Jean’s house. I really don’t.

For some unknown reason to me I came earlier to the house than we had planned, and God, I really wish I hadn’t.

It was about two hours ago when I arrived, and I entered the house unannounced. I normally did that anyway, and Jean never seems to mind. When I took a couple of steps inside, I noticed a half-naked Eren stopped dead in his tracks, about to go inside his room.

It bothered me a lot more than it should have. I mean, I’ve seen half-naked men all the time. It’s not unnatural. In the Physical Education change rooms in high school, Jean just wandering without a shirt because he wants to… all that. But for some reason, walking in on Eren with only a towel around his waist, made me stop breathing for what felt like forever.

I caught myself staring for way too long either; at his tan torso, his lanky but muscular body and the few water droplets rolling down him… I just couldn’t keep my eyes away. It was the weirdest thing. Eren noticed me only a few seconds after I walked in, but he didn’t seem fazed at all, while I was having trouble comprehending everything.

I should definitely just arrive at the designated time next time I decide to go here. Or not come here at all during the two weeks Eren is here. I can’t seem to understand why, but his presence has been nothing but trouble for me. Just because he’s an attractive young man doesn’t mean anything.

Now Petra and Farlan have arrived, and Petra can’t seem to stop asking Eren about his dancing. So far he hasn’t mentioned his kizomba or belly dancing, and I wonder why. Is it embarrassing for him? Just how sexual is kizomba, anyway?

“Since you were seven years old? Oh my God! You must be absolutely amazing at it!” Petra says enthusiastically and practically jumps out of her seat. She has always liked dancing, but insists she could not learn it herself. Petra isn’t the most motivated out of the four of us; probably the least actually.

Eren chuckles shyly. How does he appear so innocent but when he dances he appears so fierce? “I like to think that, but I still haven’t got everything perfect, you know,” he answers Petra kindly.

“Do you just do salsa? Or are there other dance types you’ve started working on?” Petra asks him another question. Jesus, she will never stop with the questions. Farlan hasn’t even had the time to properly introduce herself because of her.

Eren turns his head to me. He doesn’t have to turn it far as I am seated next to him. He suddenly smirks and winks at me playfully, which no one notices. I feel my arms and legs stiffen and my stomach drop. What the fuck just happened? But the real question is: why did I react like that?

Eren smiles and answers Petra’s question. “Yes, I’ve been doing kizomba for a few years now as well. I do a bit of belly dancing, but I’ve only just started learning that,” his eyes shine brightly against the light seeping through.

Petra squeals for some reason, like a maniac. I turn my attention to her and frown. She’s too over-the-top. “Kizomba? I love kizomba! It’s such a sexy dance! You’ll have to show me a video or something of your dance! Definitely,” she places her head in her hands.

Farlan is seated not too far from me, and I see him smiling at the both of them. Not a shy smile, but a true, genuine one. What is he so happy about?

Eren chuckles. “Yeah, I will. I actually have a few videos on my phone that someone recorded for me. Want to see?” he asks, though I know he knows that Petra will go absolutely ballistic.

“Yes, of course!” she says happily. I know she likes dance, but she’s quite more enthusiastic than I thought she would be. Eren slips out his phone from his front pocket. “Who’s your dance partner, or partners if you have another one?” Petra asks as Eren unlocks the passcode to his phone.

“My partner’s name is Krista Lenz. She’s the one I dance with for salsa; she’s a very close friend. I dance with another woman, my teacher for kizomba. Her name is Annie,” Eren answers with a small smile. Jean and Farlan stand behind Eren, who is still seated on the couch. Petra leans her arm on Jean. I don’t have to move because I’m seated right next to him. I glance at his phone, then I suddenly feel Eren’s eyes on me for a second.

I fold my arms over my chest. Eren’s index finger moves down as he scrolls through his camera roll. I notice multiple videos, and photos of people I don’t know. Eventually, he stops and presses on a three-minute long video. The freeze-frame is of him and Annie. They’re both holding each other’s hands.

He presses the play button in the middle, and so it plays. In the video, Annie moves her arms so they’re around his neck. They both move closer together so that there is little proximity between them. The both of them start moving their hips, slowly, side to side. Eren has his head beside Annie’s; she practically has lips to his ear. The two dancers move in a small circle, moving their hips at the same time. Eren looks so concentrated as he moves.

“So, yeah, this is kizomba,” Eren clarifies to everyone. I glance at Petra and see that she’s absolutely mesmerised by the video.

Jean speaks up. “Whoa, Eren! You two look like you’re humping. Maybe I should learn this dance and get in with a beauty, like that Annie chick,” he says, pointing to the girl Eren is dancing with on the screen. Eren turns around to frown at Jean.

“You asshole! No, we’re not humping! It’s dancing,” he retaliates and hits Jean across the head with his left hand, the one which is not holding the phone. I continue to watch the dance.

At one point, they both stop moving. Eren suddenly moves his body as though he’s doing body rolls, and so does the small blonde girl. They do this move slowly for a few turns. Eren looks incredibly immersed in the dance, and extremely sexy…just like the girl. Though my eyes are only on Eren’s figure.

I feel my face heat up automatically as I watch him move his body seductively. Eren moves the bottom half of his body deliciously once again, and they both move around in a circle. I understand completely why this dance is considered so sexual.

For some reason, I suddenly feel uncomfortable. Weirdly uncomfortable. I look down at my crotch and realise an unusual bump down there. Oh my fucking God, no. This is not happening.

I immediately place my arms over my lap, hoping no one realised my arousal before I did. My face heats up even more due to my embarrassment, and honestly right now, I feel like screaming. I’ve never felt so embarrassed in my entire life. It’s totally the wrong timing; in front of everyone. I’ve experienced very few arousals in my life. I thought by now I lost most of my sex drive. But no, I’m turned on just by people dancing. What the hell is wrong with me?

I watch the dance as though I’m completely fine, when in reality I’ve got butterflies in my stomach and an uncomfortable arousal. I hate everything right now.

Eren moves his hips energetically- I mean, the both of them move their hips energetically, which only makes my arousal even worse. Why am I so turned on by this? No one else has a fucking raging boner!

The video ends and so Eren locks his phone. My arms are still placed over my lap. What am I going to do? I can’t just get up now and leave somewhere; won’t that look too suspicious? Perhaps I’m over thinking it. “That was so beautiful, oh my God! You’ve only been doing this dance for a few years…imagine your salsa! Oh, do you have any videos like that?” Petra asks excitedly.

Farlan looks a little awkward when I turn around to look at him. His expression tells me that the video kind of unsettled him; he’s always been very awkward when it came to anything sexual. Lucky bastard. I wish I was like that, then I wouldn’t have a fucking boner right now.

“I do, I’ll show you one,” Eren answers Petra and starts scrolling through his camera roll again. I take this as my opportunity to leave the room.

“Do you get boners when you dance? ‘Cause damn, I would,” Jean says unashamedly, and I look at him with wide eyes. I know Jean is blunt, but who asks another person this question? I sometimes question why I’m friends with this idiot.

Eren laughs at him. “No, of course not! It’s just dancing, we’re not having sex! Like you’ve interpreted this dance as,” he rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless. My face heats up again at the mention of sex. I’m being so stupid right now.

“Are you okay, Levi? You look like you’ve got a fever,” Farlan says so everyone can hear. No! Farlan was the only friend left I had hope in.

Everyone turns their attention to me and I find myself speechless. It’s weird to see me reacting like this; I don’t like it. I feel strange. “Yeah, your face is a little red. Maybe you should take some of Jean’s medication in the bathroom?” Petra suggests to me.

Eren joins. “I did notice it this morning actually, when you first came in the house. Your face was a little red then. Go on, take some medicine,” he tells me, concern showing in his eyes.

That’s because I walked in on you half-naked, Eren.

I nod my head. “Yeah, okay, jeez. I’m not a little kid,” I say, a little irritated that I was stuck in this situation. I get up from the couch so that my pelvis is turned away from the four of them. I definitely don’t want them seeing my crotch area. Hell no.

I walk into Jean’s bathroom and lock the door behind me. What do I do from here? What was I originally planning to do anyway?

I lean against the bathroom door, standing there in silence for a few seconds. Now…what the hell am I going to do about this boner? I can’t go back out there with this bump showing through my jeans! But I don’t know how to deal with it either…I mean, I do know, but I don’t know how. I can’t possibly do that… just thinking of it makes me mortified. I’ve never touched myself before, ever. I never feel the need to.

My right hand is placed on my crotch, and I can’t stand to look down. Am I really going to do it? I can’t, no way. There’s no way; I don’t even know how to do it properly! This isn’t the time or place to contemplate this!

My urges take over, and my hand massages my crotch through my jeans. Oh God, this is embarrassing. I keep doing it and I sigh in relief. I catch myself doing so and put my left hand to my mouth. I’m even making noises. Jesus.

I can’t take my own teasing any longer, so I unbuckle my belt and undo the button of my jeans. I pull my pants down enough so it’s sticking out, and I can’t help but look away in embarrassment. I cannot believe I’m doing this; over just some sexual dancing! But it wasn’t the blonde girl’s movements that got me this way: it was all Eren.

I start pumping myself slowly, not sure if it’s the right way to do it. I mean, in the movies it looks like this, right? Oh my Lord, I just want to hide away forever…

I keep making the movements with my hand and I slowly get faster. I close my eyes in relief and pleasure, and I bite my hand to stop noises escaping my mouth. I couldn’t bare anyone hearing the state I’m in right now. I would rather die.

As I take care of myself, I picture a particular tanned dancer boy, and I can’t seem to get him out of my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, Levi is so innocent! :3 Levi like this honestly makes me weak xD
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter, I certainly had fun writing it!
> 
> Bye for now :)


	6. Misunderstandings

Recently, I’ve been able to find some inspiration to draw. So much inspiration in fact, that I can’t stop myself. But I’m not as happy as I should be about this, because, my art only consists of shades of green. Mostly titan green. I don’t know why, but I’ve been obsessed with the colour, and I want to draw the appropriate thing to match this titan green. I just don’t know what.

I roll the sleeves of my collared shirt farther up my arms and lean my elbows on my desk. I also push up my glasses further up my nose while I’m at it. Next to me is a pile of creased paper that consists of drafts; I just cannot sketch the right drawing. I always expect it to suddenly come to me…

Now, this must be the most frustrating thing of all: having too much inspiration that you can’t even act on it properly. That’s what I’m going through right now.

It’s been two days since Eren has arrived here in this part of the city. I’ve come to see him every day so far, and well, I’m planning to go to Jean’s place again today. Ever since he’s been here, I have had the urge to go over to where he is. I don’t exactly know why though. I’ve contemplated whether I like him, in that ‘love’ way, or not, and I don’t. I know I don’t. I’m not into guys.

Though, I did touch myself again to the thought of him that very same day I got a boner because of his dancing. Which was yesterday. It makes me feel so guilty; absolutely fucking guilty. I don’t know what I find so attractive about him; I mean, well, he is very good looking for a man, and I love his dancing, and the way he moves his body so beautifully…

It’s all purely just attraction. Why it had to be a male, I don’t know. I don’t like Eren, I’m just sexually attracted to him. Which is strange for me. I’ve never felt any sexual desires since him. I’m just going through a stage of confusion right now; I know I am.

I hear a buzz from my left and see a notification sign on my phone: it’s a text message from Jean. I pick up my phone and read the message. It says: ‘Hey Levi, can Eren and I go to yours around about 3? I want to show him your art; he’s quite eager to see it ;)’

I frown in my confusion at the emoticon at the end of the text message. What the fuck is the winky-face for? The hell is he hinting at?

I feel more paranoid than I should be. My heart speeds up for some unknown reason and bizarre thoughts start running through my head at a rapid pace. All of them lead to the thought of Jean thinking that I like Eren. How would he guess that in the first place?

I decide not to be rash, and so I send a message saying: ‘What’s the face for?’ I sit there, holding my phone in my hand, extremely impatient for his reply. After a few seconds, he finally does.

‘Oh, you know why ;)’: he replies with. Again with that stupid winky-face! What on Earth could he be hinting at? It’s driving me insane, and extremely paranoid. I have to be overthinking it; I must be. I mean, I’ve shown no interest in Eren whatsoever; it’s just a complete misunderstanding! If that’s what he’s even talking about in the first place.

Jean sends another message before I even come up with a reply. It says: ‘So, can we come around 3 or not?’ I completely forgot he even texted me that; I was too caught up worrying about the ridiculous emoticon.

I’m a little bit self-conscious about showing Eren my art; I don’t know the dude and I don’t know what his reaction will be like. What if he’s really blunt about it and straight-out says he hates it or something? I can take criticism, a lot of it, but I still worry about these types of things. How can I not?

I text back a ‘yes’ anyway, and lock my phone and put it down on my desk. I only have one hour until they come here, so what should I do until then? Keep sketching? I don’t know if I have it in me. I’m already exhausted just drawing up some failed drafts.

I take off my glasses and place them on the desk gently. I don’t really need my glasses that much; only when I’m drawing and reading. They’re not very necessary. I decide to reach for the packet of cigarettes on my left, and I take one out. I place the stick in my mouth and light it with the lighter that was near the packet. The flame burns brightly and lights the cigarette in a matter of a second. I chuck the lighter onto my desk and lean back in my chair; relaxing.

I don’t smoke often; I don’t really think you can call me a smoker after all. I barely smoke once a week; it’s just something I do to relax myself. I’m not addicted to the substance, which is a good thing. I can control myself.

I feel the smoke fill my lungs in a slightly pleasant way, and I breathe it out after a few seconds. The smoke comes out of my mouth in a cloud of grey, and I focus on the way it whirls around in the air. I don’t know what to do about my art; why are bad things happening to me recently? Is it karma? I don’t remember doing anything bad in a long time.

I close my eyes for a moment, and immediately thoughts of a boy twirling and moving quickly comes to my mind. He’s alone in a white dance studio, dressed in a white tank top and black pants. The vision of him keeps appearing, disappearing and appearing over and over again. One moment he’s moving his hips seductively, the next he’s moving about the room quickly with a smile on his face. It’s a pleasant image.

I take long drags of the cigarette and open my eyes again. I shake my head to get rid of the weird thoughts and finish my cigarette off early. After a while, a knock at my door is heard. It takes me by surprise, but I open the door nonetheless. I’m greeted by Jean surprisingly, and I look confusedly at him; raising an eyebrow.

“What are you doing here? You’re meant to be here in forty-five minutes or so,” I estimate the time in my head. Jean walks past me and into my house; his hands placed in his pockets. I close the door behind me. “Well?” I question him.

“I just wanted to come early; like you have been doing recently over at my house. Why is that, anyway? Ever since Eren has been over…” he trails off his sentence and looks me directly in the eyes. I bite my bottom lip and look away from his gaze. What is he suggesting here?

I put my hand on my hip. “That’s purely coincidental; I merely just have some free time to spare so I come over to yours. Why, is it bothering you or something?” I turn the tables so that I’m the one questioning him instead.

He wanders into the small living area and doesn’t bother sitting down. “No, it isn’t. It’s just strange, is all…may I ask: what do you think of Eren?” He presses onto me.

I feel my heart rate accelerate and my body become warmer. My fingers start to fidget and I can’t find the right words in time. Why is he asking me this, like I’m suspicious of something? “Eren? I don’t really have an opinion on him. I mean, I barely know the guy,” I shrug off the question as no big deal, though I feel like I’m dying inside. If Jean knew I had the slightest attraction to him, he would not be able to drop it. Ever.

Jean laughs at this. “Bullshit,” he smirks at me, “you have the hots for him, don’t you?” he points at me, but although it is just pointing, it seems more like a stab right through my chest. His words have a major impact on me, and I find myself speechless yet again. I don’t have the hots for him; I’m just confused.

“No! Where the fuck did you get that from?” I retaliate after a few seconds, my voice raised. Jean flinches suddenly at the sudden change of my voice, and I feel myself start to panic. Jean has known me the longest out of anybody, and he’s always been the one to call me out on my shit. I just didn’t realise how much he knew of me.

The fragment of attraction I have for Eren is becoming a nuisance. How could Jean notice it? “I’ve noticed you staring at Eren multiple times since he’s been here. Your face looks so…colourful when you look at him. And I can’t help but think you like him. Do you?” he asks. I had no idea just how observant he was. He’s totally misunderstanding however.

I answer him, my hands sweating behind me. “No, Jean, I don’t like him. I’m just curious about him, is all. I don’t know him much and he is your friend after all. You’re looking into things too deeply,” I say, playing with the collar of my shirt a bit.

Jean sighs. “Maybe I am, sorry Levi. It was weird of me to think that,” he comes over with a smile on his face and places an arm around me, “but, you know…if you were gay, don’t ever hide it. I’m not saying you are, I’m just telling you that you can tell me anything, love. I’m here for you, yeah?” Jean looks deeply into my eyes with concern and I look away from his gaze again.

“Okay, you dickhead, stop being such a softie. I’m going to puke,” I say, rolling my eyes and ruffling his hair playfully. I feel a weight being lifted off my back instantly and my heart rate slow down.

Jean, being the asshole he is, tightens his arm around my neck. I gasp and then elbow him in the stomach; not as hard as I could have though. I don’t want to injure him. “You bitch! And to think I do nice things for you,” he lets go of me and I escape from his hold on me. Jean doubles over and grabs onto his chest, but has a smile on his face nonetheless.

“Well, you’re annoying as hell. And I don’t like you,” I say, obviously joking, “is Eren going to come later, or what? Should I be expecting him?” I say, clearing my desk of some useless drafts, my back turned away from Jean.

I suddenly feel his hands on my shoulder. “Yo, Levi, I’m so sorry for before! That whole conversation must have been so awkward for you, especially since you’re not into guys. I won’t do something like that again, I promise,” I turn to face behind me, and I see his face contorted in slight embarrassment. It was incredibly fucking awkward.

“Yeah, whatever, just don’t get ahead of yourself, Jean,” I say nonchalantly, and punch his arm playfully. Hitting Jean is my way of showing affection; I’m not really good with words like he is. “Ha! What else am I good for besides that?” he cocks a smile at me and takes his beanie off to ruffle his hair, before applying it back on.

“Pretty much nothing. Though you have a spectacular talent of being the most irritable person in the entire world!” I insult him, with a smirk on my face. Jean just laughs at me. “Why are we friends in the first place?” Jean sighs but smiles widely enough so that creases appear around his eyes. This guy never stops smiling. When will there be a day that goes by without him smiling?

“Because I’m one of the few chosen people who can put up with your bullshit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a filler chapter before the good shit begins, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless! Thank you for encouraging comments; they have motivated me tremendously!
> 
> I will be having a two week break the week after next, so hopefully I'll be able to update more frequently!


	7. Blacks and Greys

I walk over to the small living space and place the cold bottle of beer in front of Eren. He looks up at me to give me a polite smile and a quiet ‘thank you’. I nod my head awkwardly and move myself so that I’m standing in front of Eren and Jean, who are both seated on the couch.

I shouldn’t have agreed upon Eren coming here so early in his visit; it’s just too soon. I don’t know him at all, and most likely the art I show him will creep him out. In one way or the other. I know he won’t like it; he just doesn’t seem the person to appreciate my type of art. Though, I barely know what he likes.

He probably expects to see some wonderfully coloured art, though that it is quite the opposite. I love shades of black, grey and white the most; I barely draw or paint in colour. Jean spray paints all the time in colour; that’s just what he loves.

“Levi has done some really beautiful artworks; I’m sure you’ll love them. It’s very different to my work though; he uses a lot of dark colours. Mostly black,” Jean informs Eren, and he nods to what he’s saying. Eren turns his attention to me.

“Well, I really love art. You would think dance is all that matters to me, but I do know some things about it. Don’t worry, I’m not oblivious. I know there are many types art; just like there are many types of dance,” Eren says, his voice comforting in a way. I nod at him again, this time nervously.

There’s no doubt about it that he’ll find my work creepy; even I do at some points. It’s just meant to appear dark and kind of mysterious, but people can mistake that for creepiness. Very easily.

I let out a breath of air I didn’t know I was holding onto, and announce to the both of them. “Okay,” I say, “just follow me into my room and you’ll be able to see the completed ones.” I walk out the living room and I hear the both of them follow behind.

I’m nervous, and I shouldn’t be. I’m not that sensitive to criticism; I should be stable right now. I walk into my bedroom, where there are numerous paintings and drawings hung on the wall that belong to me, and some canvases leaning against the wall. I pull my sleeves up further up my arms and wait for Jean and Eren.

Literally a second after, the both of them walk in. Eren’s face is stoic as he analyses the artwork; absolutely showing no signs of emotion. What is he thinking when he looks at all of this? Does he hate it?

Jean decides to sit himself on my bed, which I don’t particularly mind. Eren walks around my room, stopping to look at a few artworks for longer. Eren doesn’t say a word, and I don’t either. I don’t know what to say.

He crouches to look at one directly, but his expression doesn’t change. “I love this one, a lot. I love the way you painted the cracks on her face so delicately; she looks broken… but beautiful,” Eren turns his head to the side to tell me. I walk over to get a better look at it.

I remember painting this one; it was about a year ago when I started making it. I don’t know how the image came to my mind like this, but I do remember vaguely seeing her in a dream once. I woke up that morning and started working on it immediately. The image of the woman intrigued me very much.

The painting isn’t very big; 57cm by 76cm in scale. On the canvas, there is a woman with her bare back turned, but her face turned to the front. She’s a pale one, with skin nearly as white as snow. The woman’s eyes are a very light shade of grey, and her eyeshadow is a deep black that goes around her eyes thickly. Her long black hair cascades down her back in perfect waves, but from her eyes you can see cracks going in different directions on her face. Around the woman in the background, there are swirls of different shades of grey, making it look like smoke. It’s a haunting image; but it’s one of the best paintings I’ve done in my life.

“All of your artwork is beautiful; it’s really, truly beautiful,” Eren says quietly, looking around the room with emotion on his face. I can’t decipher what kind, but I can tell he’s moved.

I clutch at my shirt. “Thank you,” I say, a slight warmth spreading through my heart. Jean looks around my room as well, though he’s already seen all my artwork before. My room appears much darker, with all of it in here. I somehow go to sleep at night looking at this stuff, but oddly enough, it calms me. I’m strange that way.

Eren stops to look at another one on my wall. This one is on a bigger canvas, and it consists of my favourite singer: Oliver Sykes. The picture is painted on his side profile, and he’s singing into the microphone with his eyes closed. The image only displays him from the waist, up. He’s tilted forward, so that his entire being looks like it’s immersed in the song. A light is shown upon him, so that he is illuminated completely by it.

“That’s Oliver Sykes from Bring Me the Horizon,” I inform Eren, pointing to the picture and walking over to him, “you probably don’t know who he is, though.” He looks down at me and shakes his head.

“No, I know the band and the name of the lead singer, I just didn’t know that this painting was him. I’m not really into bands and such,” he smiles at me, and I nearly give one back.

Jean enters the conversation suddenly. “Yeah, Levi’s a total emo,” he laughs and I turn around to frown at him.

“I’m not an emo,” I retaliate, “it’s just that Oliver is an incredible singer and Bring Me the Horizon’s music is amazing. I’m not into all the hard-rock bands.” I sigh, but Jean laughs again.

“You’re still an emo,” he teases me. I decide not to slap his face and try to be civil… this time around. It’s so hard not to hit Jean when he’s existing.

“I appreciate music like that, I’m just not really that much into it. Though, I haven’t gone into depth in the genre: maybe I will,” Eren crosses his arms and looks deeply into my eyes. It’s hard to not get lost in his gaze.

“Who do you listen to?” I ask Eren, intrigues to hear his answer. His type of music is probably so different to mine; vastly different. I mostly listen to The Neighbourhood (my second favourite band of all time), Bring Me the Horizon (my favourite) and Twenty One Pilots. Although, I can’t really pin-point the exact genre I listen to only. I listen to lots. Music helps me become inspired to draw.

Eren answers confidently. “Zayn. Yeah, I like Zayn quite a bit,” he tells me. I put a finger to my chin… Zayn sounds familiar. I’m pretty sure he’s a popular artist at the moment. I haven’t heard any of his music; he’s probably not my type anyway.

“What kind of songs does Zayn sing?” I ask him, interested in his answer. I might search up this ‘Zayn’ later and give him a go. I might enjoy his music after all.

“He sings RnB most of the time, though I don’t really think he has a genre. A little bit of garage is in his music, but yeah, I really like it. He’s really the only English artist I listen to; the others are either Spanish, because of my salsa,” Eren tells me, his attention completely on me, “enough about me: have you ever painted any of you friends before? Like Jean has?” he seems interested.

I answer with my arms crossed over my chest. “Yeah, I’ve painted Jean before. He’s got the picture hanging in his room. Go and see it when you get back,” I say, feeling like I can tell him anything and he would take it all in. He seems to take an interest, and it’s kind of refreshing.

Eren brushes past me and sits down on the bed next to Jean. He has one leg crossed over the other and his hands are placed down beside him. “Would you ever paint a picture of me?” he asks suddenly, and my heart stops for a moment.

I feel myself start to heat up again. Images of an airbrushed Eren laying down vulnerably in a mess of sheets come to my mind, as well as him half-naked and tilting his head up sexily. I want to mentally slap myself for thinking such things. I would never paint that. Why am I thinking this?

“M-Maybe…” I say, a lot more nervously than I should of. Why am I such a pervert when it comes to him? One look at him and I’m already imagining him trailing his beautiful, long fingers down my torso. This is unhealthy.

I look at Eren and see that he is looking up at me, a smirk playing on his lips. I gulp nervously, and feel heat on my cheeks again. I want him to stop, whatever the hell he’s doing to me. Who the fuck knew that attraction could drive you this crazy? It’s purely all attraction, and no real feeling behind it. I mean, I couldn’t spend my life with a guy, it’s just not what I do…

Eren darts out to lick his lips, his eyes still locked onto mine, which catches me by surprise and I feel at a loss for words. Why am I reacting so strangely to this? I have to stop. Now.

But I can’t stop looking at him. He’s so undeniably sexy. My body is telling me to rush onto his lap and undress him right here, but the sanity I still have in my mind is telling me that it isn’t a good idea. My body is winning.

I nearly forget Jean is here, but he catches our attention by clearing his throat. I really hope he didn’t take any notice of that. “Oi, Levi, can I get a beer from out of the fridge?” he asks. He never usually asks when he’s over here; he usually gets anything he wants from here without me even noticing.

“Yeah, sure,” I tell him quickly, completely caught off guard. He gets up off my bed with no emotion and walks out of the room. It’s just Eren and I alone, and I feel like I may fall to the ground.

How did the atmosphere change from calm to this sexual tension I feel so fast? Right now, at this moment, I want him to touch me all over; ever so softly and gently. And I want to do the same to him. I can’t keep having these weird, perverted thoughts, but I can’t help it. I’m not making excuses; I really can’t help it.

“You should come over to the dance studio some time again. I’d like to show you a full salsa dance, if you’re interested?” Eren’s face is now not to so seductive, but rather friendly. How does this guy do it?

I tug on my collar. “Yeah, I will. If your partner doesn’t mind as well,” I say, mentioning his dance partner, Krista; the small blonde girl who seems to be very close to Eren.

Eren tilts his head to the side. “She won’t mind at all! Actually, she told me she thought you were cute the other day. Don’t tell her I said that; she gets easily embarrassed,” he smiles widely at me and chuckles at the end.

I let an awkward chuckle out. “Did she?” I say, not knowing what else to say to that. What is with people and them thinking I’m attractive in any way? I don’t understand at all.

“Yeah, and I have to agree with her on that.”


	8. Coffee Shop

I wake up to see a bright light shining in my eyes painfully, and I squint hard to dull the effect of it. When I lift my back, I realise that I’ve been sleeping on my desk. It’s sore and I when I stretch it I can hear small cracks. I notice my glasses are half way down my nose and I take them off in time so that they don’t drop onto the desk. I stretch out my arms to the side and let out a small yawn.

I feel exhausted; absolutely exhausted, and I’ve barely done anything the past few days. It just shows how weak I am; and it honestly pisses me off so much. I’ve been told by Jean that when I do get aggressive, I’m pretty strong. I just don’t understand myself sometimes. I’m weak and strong at the same time…if that’s even possible.

I look down at my desk and realise the piles of paper with drawings on them. I don’t even remember doing all of these last night; it was all because of the three beers I drank in under an hour. It shouldn’t have this kind of effect on me, but it does, and I feel like shit right now.

The paper on my desk only consist of doodles of eyes; big eyes. Big, beautiful eyes. Some of them have quick sketches of a boy with brown hair and the big, beautiful eyes. Some of them are drawn in manga, but the rest are drawn realistically. I recognise the boy immediately: it’s Eren.

I look through each and every one of them; all of them have Eren posing differently. One is of Eren smiling widely and closing his eyes; that’s in the manga style. A realistic one of Eren I drew is of him looking down with his shirt off. The drawing ends at his hips. I fluster looking at the pencil art, and immediately throw it onto the floor.

So I do this when I’m intoxicated? That’s fucking embarrassing. I’m burning all this shit.

I continue looking through my drawings, and after a while of analysing every one of them, I sigh in frustration. I was not productive last night in the least. Why was I drawing a million different Erens? Why couldn’t my intoxicated state bring me some success, if my sober self is unable to? Why am I like this?

I scrunch up most of the drawings, but I shamelessly keep the ones I drew of him smiling, and that shirtless one I threw on the floor earlier. I can’t seem to part with it.  
He looks so beautiful in them, and it stirs something inside me just looking at him this way.

 

***

I’m showered, dressed and much more sober by 2:00pm. I woke up late to start with.

I sit on my couch and wonder what drove me to drink so late at night. I barely remember anything, and it’s not like I had that much to drink anyway. I do remember clearly Jean and Eren coming over and looking at my artwork, and Eren’s expression when he looked at them. His face was concentrated, like he was trying to search for the meaning behind each of them. Like he was transfixed by every detail, by every stroke…stroke of my dick.

I catch myself thinking like a pervert, and I immediately put my face in my hands in shame. How could I think that at a time like this? Am I always so bloody horny? Since when, though? I just don’t understand!

I sigh into my hands loudly and press my hands into my face. I am really considering whether I’m homosexual or not; I mean, I’m always thinking about Eren. And it doesn’t stop there either: I think about him looking down at me seductively, licking his lips slowly, taking my clothes off, throwing me on the bed and making love to me. It’s honestly so awful of me to think that; I feel awful.

I’m hungering for a man for God’s sake. I just don’t feel right, but it feels completely normal to me at the same time. Eren has been the only man, so what does that mean? I’m suddenly gay, or am I bisexual? I’m so fucking confused and frustrated I want to scream!

A memory pops into my mind suddenly, and it’s of Eren speaking to me, saying he thought I was ‘cute’. I feel my face heat up embarrassingly and I feel like crawling up into a ball of self-consciousness. That’s probably what drove me to drink last night; I have a tendency to drink when I’m nervous or embarrassed.

Eren thinks I’m cute? I feel a small smile play on my lips, but I try to bite it back. I am such an idiot. God, I hate myself. I place my legs on the couch and wrap my arms around them. I’m being stupid.

I need some fresh air; staying in this house is doing me no good. I get up from the couch and walk into my room to grab my black leather jacket. I apply it on over my plain black shirt, and walk out of the door with only my wallet. My phone would distract me, and right now, I really just need to clear my head of everything.

I walk along the pavement at a medium pace, a light breeze brushing through my hair. I place my hands into the pockets of my leather jacket and admire the old buildings, like I always do. After a while of mindless walking, I come across the dance studio. For some reason, I walk over to it, and stand on the tips of my toes to look through the window. No one is there.

Disappointment is what I feel, and I’m confused as to why that is. Was I expecting to see Eren?

Of course I was.

I huff and turn away from the dance studio, and continue to walk. I don’t know what I’m expecting to happen: a solution to all my problems? That would definitely help, but I shouldn’t just expect it to appear out of nowhere. Though, that’s what I’m doing anyway. Walking in the city has helped me a lot in the past to clear my head, so maybe I will be granted some luck.

I come across a small coffee shop in the midst of the giant buildings, and I decide to relax here for a bit before walking again. At the front counter, I order a camomile tea. The girl at the front keeps staring at me, and I have to repeat my order three times before she finally asks me for cash. Is there something on my face, or what? Though I don’t ask her my question. She flusters at me when I touch her hand to give her the money, as well as letting out a little yelp. What’s wrong with this girl?

The weird girl gives me my change and spins around immediately after. Is she trying to conceal a laugh or something? I become paranoid, so I seat myself outside the coffee shop and take the napkin placed there. I wipe it on my face a few times and look at it, seeing nothing there. What the hell?

The girl from the front comes up to me shyly soon after, and I look confusedly at her. With her small hands shaking, she struggles out a question. “Uh... um… can I please get a picture of you?” the girl says politely. Before I can reply, she speaks again. “I-I’m sorry! That was weird of me to ask! You just look absolutely stunning, and I’d love to use your image for inspiration for my creative writing. Only if it’s alright with you, of course!” she finishes, her face completely red.

I feel myself blush a little, and I look away from her and bite my lip. I’m not really sure if I’m comfortable with it; I mean, I’m not a very confident person myself. I find it the weirdest thing that people think I’m attractive. I just don’t see it. There are plenty of beautiful people, much more beautiful than I am.

“I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel uncomfortable, you don’t need to agree to it,” she waves her hands out in front of her and blushes even harder. It almost makes me laugh, because she looks like she’s about to explode any minute.

An awkward smile plays on my lips. “Yeah, okay,” I agree politely. I was going to decline, but she’s making such a big deal out of it that I can’t help but agree. Also, her compliment makes it hard as well. How can I be rude towards her?

“O-oh! Thank you so much!” she says, her smile bright. “Can you please just stand over there and pose for me a bit? You don’t need to do much, just have your hands in your leather jacket and move your head slightly to the side.” She tells me, and I nod my head.

I walk over to where her finger is directing me to go, and I do what she told me to do. It’s a little embarrassing, and I know I’m flustered. The girl takes a photo of me on her phone and tells me she’s done. “Thank you! Your tea will be here in a few seconds,” she says and enters the coffee shop with a bouncy attitude.

I sit myself back down and pout in embarrassment. Why do people make such a big deal out of me? Honestly, it’s strange.

My tea is brought to me a few seconds later, and I thank the waitress. She smiles politely and walks back into the coffee shop. I take a sip of the water and thank God that the water isn’t too hot.

Multiple thoughts go through my head as I sit here alone. Most of them are about Eren and my sexuality. Am I attracted to Eren much more than I thought I was? Why am I making such a big deal of the possibility of me being gay, if I’ve never had an issue with homosexuality? Just who the hell am I?

My mind is disturbed, and I feel it taking form on my face. I feel my eyebrows crease and my mouth turn into a thin line. I’m extremely frustrated.

Just in the midst of my mind frustrating me further, I realise a tall woman (definitely taller than me) looking down upon me. What’s her issue? “Are you alright there?” she asks me.   
I’m confused as to why she’s concerned with me. I don’t even know this woman. “Yeah…?” I reply, unsure of myself. How did she know I was having an internal battle within my head? And why the fuck does she care?

“No, you’re not. I can see it on your face,” she grabs the seat in front of me and places herself there. What is this woman doing? “Unless that’s your natural look, then shit, that’s scary.” She smirks.

I frown at her. “Um, excuse me, but I don’t know who you are. What do you want?” I ask her, taking a sip of my tea. The woman rolls her eyes, and I find her extremely obnoxious already.

“Do I have to know you to be able to talk to you? How do you think people make friends?” she tells me, raising her eyebrows. She has got a point there, but that doesn’t apply here. Does she have some sort of intentions? Why the hell would she, to be fair?

“I’m sorry, do you want something from me? I don’t understand,” I ask her, trying to remain as cool as possible. Though, I don’t find myself a very cool person to begin with.

“Look, I’m a nosy type of person. If I see someone who looks like they’re dealing with some issues, I’m not afraid to ask what’s wrong. Despite whether I know them or not. And I’ve heard people feel a lot better after talking away their troubles to a stranger. Why don’t you just rant to me? I’ve got time and you look like you’re dealing with some shit,” the freckled woman says to me.

Despite her actions and appearance, she seems to be a nice person. Nosy, but nice nonetheless. She must have helped people out before doing this exact same thing, because she appears so confident. Will talking to a complete and utter stranger help me?

“Are you sure? My problems are pretty stupid,” I say to her, considering ranting to this girl. Now that I’ve thought about it, maybe telling her my issues is a good thing. She might be able to offer some good advice, and it’s not like I’ll see her again, so her judgement is pretty irrelevant that way.

She chuckles. “Most problems are, but I’m a nice person so burden me with all your bullshit. I can be pretty helpful,” she has a small smile on her face, “the name’s Ymir. Nice to meet you.” She holds out a hand for me to shake it. I take it.

“I’m Levi.”


	9. Admiration

“…and yeah, that’s basically it. What advice do you give to a man who needs inspiration and is confused about their sexuality? ‘Cause I can’t seem to help myself,” I finish my rant to this woman named Ymir, and let out a big sigh afterwards.

Ymir nods her head and furrows her eyebrows. She picks up her ice-cold glass of water and takes a sip before replying to me. “It’s funny,” she lets out a chuckle, “because you sound just like me years ago.” I cock my head to the side.

“In what way?” I ask, interested in how I relate to her.

Her eyes are concentrated on mine, and nothing else. “Levi, a few years ago when I was in my last year of high school, I realised something. That ‘something’ was a change within me I had to accept; sooner or later, because it was always going to be there. Do you know what that was?” she leans her arms on the table and questions me.

I have a feeling I know what she’s talking about, but I don’t want to seem like a fool and guess wrong. “What was it?” I question her, my eyes focused on her. Freckles are scattered across her cheeks and nose, in a light shade of brown.

Ymir leans closer to me. “My sexuality,” she tells me, a smirk playing on her lips, “I’m a full-blown lesbian and I’m God Damn proud of it. There’s no way in hell I’ll ever be ashamed of who I am: why the fuck should I be? I have every right to live on this world just like everyone else. No one can make me think otherwise.” She leans back in her chair afterwards and her smirk widens.

I am caught off guard by her brilliant confidence, and I take a moment to figure this woman out. I barely know her, but she’s really fucking admirable. Why can’t I be like her and accept everything that comes my way?

“You, my friend, whether you like it or not: are gay. I’m not going to sugar-coat it for you, I’m not going to tell you it’s a stage you’re going through in your life; because it isn’t. Accept who you are and don’t let anyone make you feel shit for it, including yourself,” Ymir speaks confidently, “I damn well know what I’m talking about. For years I’ve had internal battles within myself, and when I finally realised who I was, it took a long time for me to stop hating myself.”

“Don’t do what I did and feel ashamed, because I guarantee you will start doing that if I don’t tell you the right thing to do here and now,” she finishes her speech, and her eyes become serious. I don’t know how, but I can tell from the way they sharpen as they look at me.

It feels overwhelming for someone else to say I’m gay, because I’ve known all my life that I like girls. Maybe I’ve been lying to myself for a long time now, though I still can’t believe it. Me, gay? Why do I find it such a big deal?

“Levi, after those two years of torturing myself, I found someone. A beautiful blonde girl who somehow found the good in me and decided to devote their self to me,” Ymir looks at the table, with fondness in her expression, “and guess what? I’m really happy. I’m the happiest I could ever be with her.”

“Someone once told me that no matter how terrible the situation, it always get better. I thought they were bullshitting me, but they weren’t. They were right and I’m glad I wasn’t stupid enough to forget that simple sentence,” Ymir finishes, and I feel some confidence build inside of me.

Ymir is right. Though I still find myself dumbfounded. It’s weird to think I’m gay, but if I am, I need to stop trying to make excuses for it. If I don’t find it a problem with other people, then why should I make it a problem with myself?

“He’s the only boy I’ve been attracted to... I’m just confused,” I spill to this woman named Ymir, who’s become my idol in this short time. I wish I could be as confident as her.

Ymir frowns at me. Did I say something wrong? “So what? That doesn’t matter at all! Find attractive who you want to find attractive! Love who you want to love, and so on! You know what I’m saying,” she takes a sip of her water again, “people don’t have to be limited to only be attracted to one gender. Just be free, Levi. It costs you nothing.”

Ymir makes it sound so easy, and I would love to get over this, but I don’t have it in me. It will definitely take time for me to get used to who I am; I mean, it even took this woman time getting used to herself.

“It will take time, of course it will, just don’t beat yourself up over it, okay? That was the mistake I made, and I’ve learned from it,” Ymir’s eyes aren’t as serious anymore, but are rather filled with light. Happiness.

I nod my head. “Okay, yeah, I’ll take your advice on that,” I agree to her, and she smiles. She’s very proud of herself, and it’s not to the extent of being full of herself. She’s admirable.

“Yes, you will,” Ymir smirks again, “and well, since I still have heaps of time, I’ll help you on your inspiration issues. What usually gets you inspired?” she asks me. I think about her question for a few seconds before answering.

“Music, most of the time. Sometimes characters in movies or novels, and musical artists contribute quite a bit to,” I answer her truthfully. She’s surprisingly easy to talk to, and I think it’s because I can relate to her quite a bit.

“Ah hah,” Ymir leans her head in her hands, “what about that guy you kind of like? Didn’t you say you were drawing numerous sketches of him, only last night? It seems to me that he sparks some inspiration in you.” She points out to me. I nervously take a sip of my cold tea.

“That’s only happened once. I was a little tipsy anyway, it doesn’t matter,” I say, pushing any thoughts of Eren to the side. I look down at the table, avoiding any eye contact with her.

“It doesn’t fucking matter if you were tipsy; you were producing art! Why don’t you just ignore all your irrelevant excuses and act on it? If this guy inspires you, do something about it! Let go and just paint whatever the fuck you want,” Ymir throws her hands in the air dramatically, “who knows? You might produce something spectacular. Just be free, Levi. Do whatever the hell you want to do.”

“Except if it happens to be illegal, dangerous or fucking stupid. Yeah, otherwise use common sense,” she chuckles to herself. And I let a small smile appear on my lips.

Ymir’s unexpected appearance has turned out to be one of the best things to happen to me. She’s granting me confidence I need; slowly but surely. I hope one day I can stop being so paranoid and loosen up a bit, but that will take a long time. I know it will. I mean, I’ve always been this way; how do you suddenly stop your habits?

“I’m glad I got off my ass today and came by here; you really did need my help,” she tells me. She has a foul mouth, but I don’t care: I’ve got one of my own to be fair.

I’m a little interested in this woman, so I ask her a question. “How’d you find your girlfriend?” I say, leaning my head in my right hand.

“I found her inside an old dance studio. I was curious about it, and so I looked inside. I saw her dancing away with another boy and my breath was taken away. I barely paid attention to the boy, hah,” she tells me with fondness laced in her tone.

It’s strange; literally days ago I wasn’t concerned about love or having an intimate relationship. But since Eren, my mind has changed. Now my thoughts mostly consist of him and all the things I want him to do to me; which are mostly perverted. Well, actually, all of them are.

It’s purely just attraction right now with no feeling behind it, and I’m not ready for a relationship just yet. I need to take my time with all of this first. “When did you realise you two were in love?” I ask, and instantly regret it. It’s too personal. I don’t know this woman at all.

Ymir doesn’t seem to be bothered by it, because she answers me. “The night she left her parents behind. They didn’t like the idea of two girls being together, so my girl just ditched them. I remember her saying, ‘fuck them!’, and then going home. I was worried about her, because you know, she just dissed the people who took care of her for years, but she told me that she loved me more than anyone. She said she didn’t care whether her parents accepted it or not. I was fucking dumbfounded, believe me.”

“It was then that I knew I would give up the world for her, because she was willing to do the same to me. And all the trouble we went through was worth it to, ‘cause that night we had fucking mind-blowing sex and-” Ymir is smirking at the memory, and I cut her off before she tells me anymore personal details.

“Yeah, okay! I get it! Don’t need to tell me the weird shit that goes down between you and your girlfriend,” I frown at her, and she laughs; tilting her head back in glee. I fluster uncontrollably.

“I wasn’t going to tell you! That’s between me and her, only!” Ymir strokes her chin mischievously, and I roll my eyes at her. I wonder how her girlfriend would react if she witnessed what she just told me?

“Good, because I don’t want to know,” I feel my face heat up in embarrassment, and I hide it underneath my hands. Why do I blush so easily? It’s frustrating as hell.

Ymir laughs mischievously, and I furrow my eyebrows underneath my hands. “Aw, look at you! You’re such a bottom, aren’t ya?” she says her last sentence much more quietly, and I reveal myself; a little surprised.

Bottom? Does she mean what I think she means? “Excuse me?” I say, and cough a little while after. She looks down on me with the biggest smirk I’ve seen on her freckled face so far.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” she says in a sing-song tone. I frown at her but she doesn’t notice it, as she gets up from the seat in front of me and picks up her backpack. She’s leaving? “I have to go now, actually I had to leave thirty minutes ago, but whatever. It was nice talking to you Levi, really think about what I’ve said, yeah? It will help you.” She places the bag on her back, and shakes my hand goodbye.

“You should have left thirty minutes ago!” my voice rises. “Don’t blame me if you get in shit-trouble with whoever you’re meeting, alright? And yeah, it was nice to meet you to.” I end my reply to her on a lighter note.

Ymir walks a few steps before turning to me. “Nah, it’s fine! They’ll understand. And besides, helping you out has been my pleasure. Have a nice night, Levi.” She leaves with a small smile on my face.

“You to,” I reply, and she continues to walk. Before I know it, she disappears from my sight in a few seconds. And right then, I feel a little disappointed. I am never going to see this girl again, and I kind of want to. She has been a great help and seems to be the only one who understands my problems.

Oh well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing this chapter. I'm really enthusiastic when it comes to sexuality and supporting it. I've always been like that, since a very young age. I really hope you guys enjoyed it to :)
> 
> I love how some of you guys comment and show me your support! It motivates me so much, ah, thank you all! x


	10. Baby

I swirl the clear liquid in my glass a couple of times; my whole focus on the way it moves around. A while ago I moved from outside to inside the coffee shop, since it was getting dark and cold. It’s now around 5:30, and I have no idea why I’m still here.

I should be getting home, but what do I plan on doing when I get there? I don’t feel like drafting any sketches, and it’s too late to go to Jean’s house. Besides, Eren is there. I don’t want to be near him right now through my state of confusion; his presence will just confuse me further. Farlan is probably working right about now; same goes for Petra.

I kind of wish Ymir was here so we could talk. I have never really been the person to talk a whole lot, but when it comes to Ymir, that’s different. She’s so understanding, insightful and incredibly easy to talk to. Jean is my best friend, but he teases me relentlessly, just like I do to him. I’m sure Farlan would just get uncomfortable if I told him any of my issues, and Petra would probably start asking me irrelevant questions.

It’s not that I don’t trust Jean, because I do. I trust that man more than anyone, and I do know that he would support me in whichever direction I choose to go in, I just don’t know how to tell him what’s going on with me recently. Where do I start? It was easier to tell Ymir because she’s stranger, and any harsh judgement she could’ve given me would be quite meaningless because of that fact.

If I were to be granted with disgust from Jean, I don’t know what I would do. His judgement is the most influential to me, because I care about him a lot, and his opinions matter. Why am I thinking this? Jean did tell me he doesn’t care who I’m attracted to, so why are my thoughts going against him? Why can’t I just trust everything in him, like I should?

I sigh heavily and drop the glass onto the table. I finally give up on contemplating going home, and decide to head that way anyway. I get up from the chair and tuck it into the table. I exit the coffee shop and see a woman cleaning the tables. I left just in time; they were about to close down.

I place my hands into the pockets of my leather jacket and walk along the pavement. It’s so cold. If I knew I was going to stay at that coffee shop for a long time, I would have brought a warmer jacket.

I keep on walking, and I take a glance towards the old dance studio. I wonder if Ymir’s girlfriend, a dancer, goes here to dance. It’s unlikely, though. This place is quite old, and I’ve never seen anyone else but Eren and Krista here.

A boy comes out of the studio hurriedly and slings a bag over his shoulder. I see his face for a moment and instantly recognise him: it’s Eren. Oh shit, why now? He’ll see me soon. Fuck! I did not want to see him today.

Eren notices me immediately and a smile forms on his beautiful tanned face. His eyes are such a brilliant green that I can see them perfectly from here, even in the dark. He jogs over to me with a small towel around his neck and stops in front of me. “Fancy seeing you here,” he smiles down at me.

I look up at him nervously and catch him biting his lip. He’s so sexy. Oh my God, when will these thoughts stop? “Yeah,” I say, smoothly as possible, “were you just practising in the studio?” I ask him, though I already know the answer. I can see the sweat dripping off of him.

“Yes I was,” he answers brightly, “I’m just going to catch a bus to Jean’s. Why don’t you come on by, if you’re not too busy? He’s making those enchiladas I love so much. Have you tried them?” His voice is full of energy, despite everything else looking exhausted.

“Yeah, I love them,” I say, a small smile playing on my lips. Then I suddenly widen my eyes and my heart rate goes faster. Saying the word ‘love’ to him seems all too embarrassing, and I have fucking no clue why.

I see the tips of Eren’s ears going a light shade of red and I suddenly become ten times more nervous than I was before. I feel awkward. “I would come over, but he’s probably sick of seeing my face,” I let out an awkward chuckle.

Eren’s smile suddenly turns into a smirk. “Oh baby, no one would,” he says confidently, and lets out a quiet laugh. I fluster uncontrollably, and in this moment, I wish I could run away and hide.

Did he just say what I think he just said? Oh. My. God. What? He didn’t. Is Eren Jaeger flirting with me? Or am I confusing things here? I probably am, I mean; this guy doesn’t seem to be interested in men. He’s just fucking with me. But he called me ‘baby’, oh Lord. What the hell is he doing to me?

“Well, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you soon, won’t I?” he leans his hand on his hip and looks absolutely flawless doing so. How can one man look so delicious? I gulp silently out of anxiousness.

I answer him. “Yeah, you will,” I say, and end it there. I just want to run away right now. Far, far away.

“Alright, see you, Levi. Have a nice night,” Eren says before walking away from me. What he just said reminds me of Ymir’s last words to me.

“Bye Eren,” I say quietly, and he turns around to give me a small wink.

Oh my.

***

“E-Eren…” I moan to myself while stroking my length with my right hand. I pump faster and faster, feeling myself reaching my climax.

I silence my mouth with my hand to stop the embarrassing moans leaking out. I feel my face heat up incredibly fast, but no matter how embarrassing I feel, I still make myself feel good to the thought of Eren.

I imagine him undressing himself sexily; removing his clothes slowly and seductively. He walks over to me and positions himself on top of me on the white bed. He starts kissing me hungrily on my neck and I find myself a moaning mess. He then moves his lips over to my mouth and inserts his tongue in first, before pressing his lips to mine. I imagine his tongue lapping around mine beautifully, which only makes me pump myself faster. My back arches downward, as I’m positioned on my knees and elbows. I bury my face into my arm, breathing heavily.

Eren places my legs on his shoulders and moves into me slowly, and he lets out a sexy moan while doing so. “A-ah…fuck…” I say, my imagination running wild. I feel so good.  
I then imagine him thrusting into me slowly and passionately, with the biggest smirk on his face as he looks at me losing myself in pleasure. “Fuck, Eren, a-ah…” I say into my arm as I climax. A wave of pleasure enters me and I close my eyes to relish in it.

My breathing is heavy when I recover from my climax, and I feel like a mess. I clean myself off quickly and zip my pants back up. I feel so fucking guilty, but even that doesn’t stop me from doing this.

I’ve pretty much jacked off to the thought of Eren every day since I witnessed the video of himself dancing kizomba. I can’t stop the perverted thoughts, no matter what I do. I can’t deny it: he’s so fucking sexy, and I want him to make me feel amazing. I want him to make love to me over and over again, I want him to touch every single part of my body with his tongue- I just want him.

And I also can’t deny the fact that I’m totally gay for him. I could not be any gayer, and I feel guilty for that. I should be like Ymir and accept who I am, but it’s so hard. A part of me wants to stop being who I truly am, and it’s really frustrating. I have to get over this and be free- just like Ymir said.

It was the day before yesterday when I saw Eren last near the dance studio. He looked beautiful as usual; his green eyes flamboyant and his tanned body toned perfectly. I was so tempted to reach out and run my fingers down his body, but I would never do that. He would probably punch me or something. I would do the same if I was him to be honest.

I’m about to grab my headphones and listen to some music, when I suddenly hear a knock at my door. I stop walking mid-way, and turn around to open the door. When I open the door, Eren is revealed to me; wearing a black button-up shirt and ripped black jeans. I catch myself staring at his body with my mouth slightly open, and so I immediately turn my attention to his face.

Why is he here? And how did he find my house? Did Jean tell him? “Oh finally, I found you!” he says to me, with his hands in his pockets. “It took me so long to find you. Jean gave me directions that weren’t very helpful, and so I’ve basically knocked on every house on this street!” He laughs to himself.

“Well, it’s expected of him. He is an idiot,” I shake my head at the thought of Jean, “so, uh, why were you looking for me?” I ask him. My hand glides nervously over the door frame.

Eren smiles. “I wanted to show you my salsa. Jean tells me that you’re home most of the time, so yeah, I’ve come here unexpectedly. I would have called you, but, I don’t have your number,” he chuckles adorably, “and I was going to ask Jean, but I wasn’t sure if you would appreciate him handing your number over to just anyone. Are you busy right now or...?” He peers inside my house. I feel self-conscious for some reason.

I look away from his eyes and think to myself. I really want to see his salsa; I really, really want to. I don’t understand why he wants to show me though; perhaps he noticed I take an interest in it? That’s probably it. “Yeah, I’ll come,” I say, lifting one side of my mouth up.

Eren’s face lights up even more. Why does he do that when he’s looking at me? It makes my heart ache. “Brilliant! Krista is already at the dance studio,” he tells me, “let’s go.”  
I grab my leather jacket off the coat hanger and put it on me. I notice Eren staring at me and darting his tongue out to wet his lips, but I don’t react to it. I swear if I look at him right now I’ll probably go red in the face, again.

I close the door behind me and Eren starts walking with me. I’m so short compared to him; I look like a child. Being one hundred and sixty centimetres tall at the age of twenty five isn’t common.

***

We arrive at the dance studio in little time. Eren opens the door and steps inside first, I follow behind him.

We didn’t talk to each other the whole time we were walking together; I had no fucking idea what to say. I felt awkward, but Eren seemed to be preoccupied looking at the buildings. All I did was stare at him the whole time; admiring the way black suits him.

When I enter the studio, I realise only him and I are here, and no one else is. Isn’t Krista supposed to be here as well?

I look towards Eren confusedly, and he turns around to smirk at me. He starts unbuttoning his shirt, and leaves it on. I feel my eyes widen. What the fuck is going on?


	11. Sway

“What? What are you doing?” I ask in a panicked tone. Why am I panicked? I shouldn’t be. It’s not like Eren’s going to do anything to me. Right? Well, I don’t really know much about this guy, and I don’t trust him a whole lot… fuck.

I’m so fucking confused and aroused at the same time. I can see his gorgeous body perfectly, and it contrasts so well with his black shirt and ripped jeans. He looks so damn sexy, and all I want to do right now is trail my tongue along his torso. Why am I so horny? I was never like this before!

Eren chuckles at my expression and walks over to me swiftly. He grabs my right hand with his own and finally speaks up. “We’re dancing, baby,” he says and gives me a playful wink. Why is he doing this to me? Does he realise how my heart accelerates whenever he does things like that to me? He’s got to. He knows I’m suffering.

“No, we aren’t, but you are. With Krista,” I say, as smoothly as possible. I hate how I’m a nervous wreck when I’m around Eren; well, I’m like that around anyone I find attractive. But Eren, he makes me feel weak; in a number of ways, “and do you call everyone ‘baby’?” I ask. My hand feels like it’s on fire where Eren is touching it.

Eren drags me further into the middle of the dance studio. Why am I going along with him? I don’t want to do this. “I lied to you; I’m going to teach you some salsa instead,” Eren tells me, his eyes locked onto mine, “and I don’t call everyone ‘baby’. Only a few people.” He smiles down at me.

My eyes widen and I slip my hand away from his loose grip. “You’re not teaching me anything; I can’t dance for shit,” I say, a frown on my face. Eren laughs at me, and the sound fills the room. It’s a really beautiful sound. Jesus, everything about this man is beautiful.

“That’s why you’ll learn. Come on, it’ll be fun. We’ll start out really simple, yeah? Back to the basics,” he says calmly, grabbing onto my hand again. It ignites every time he touches it. Lord, what the hell is going on with me?

I sigh. “You’re just going to get annoyed at me because I’ll be really shit at it, and then I’ll get annoyed at you for being annoyed at me, and then we’ll both get really pissed. Are you sure you want to continue?” I tell him, but he finds my reply amusing, because he laughs out loud again. How can this guy be so light-hearted?

“That won’t happen! Just relax and follow me; it’ll be easy, and you’ll have fun. Guaranteed,” he sounds so sure of himself. I’ll probably trip and fall or something, though I haven’t been known to be clumsy.

“Fine,” I say quietly, rolling my eyes a little bit. Eren grins widely, showing his white teeth. He grabs onto my left hand with his other free hand, and I feel like I may explode just from this. I’m so fucking nervous, and I shouldn’t be. This is not how I normally am.

“Okay, so, we’ll start doing a salsa basic. You step back on your right foot, while I step forward on my left. Then we come back to our original position and swap feet. Easy enough?” he informs me, adding a little playfulness at the end. He smirks at me adorably.

“Oh, I see how it is,” I raise my eyebrows, “you underestimate me, Eren.” I feel my hands heat up very quickly in his. They’re really small compared to Eren’s; Damn me for being so short.

“Perhaps,” he says, looking down at me with that smirk of his, “I’ll be leading, so you’ll be learning the woman’s part to the dance.” Eren tells me, lifting our hands a bit higher.

I frown at him. “It’s because I’m short, isn’t it? No, you don’t need to tell me, I already know,” I say a little annoyed, but I still hold onto Erens hands nonetheless. He laughs at me again. What does he find so amusing about me?

“Yes, that fact contributes a little. But it’s more difficult for me to teach you the lead anyway. Just ignore that your part is feminine and have fun,” he whips his head to the side to get his hair out of his eyes. Eren steps forward on his left and I go back on my right.

We swap feet and do this step for a few turns before he stops in the neutral position. “Okay, you’ve got it down. Now let’s add a bit of energy into it; you know, bounce your feet a little,” he looks down at the ground and demonstrates to me the ‘bounce’ he’s talking about.

“Alright,” I say, staring down at the ground while repeating the same movements as before; just with more energy. He moves our hands in small circular motions. I feel ridiculous. Why did I agree to do this? I can’t dance.

“You’ve got it,” he says happily. Why does he sound so joyful? Isn’t he already getting frustrated at how new I am to this type of thing? I feel like a child could do this better than me, “just left your head up. Trust yourself.” He tells me, and I obey.

I look up to be met with his beautiful green eyes. They’re not exactly green though- there is a shade of blue in them that makes them more interesting. For a moment I picture all the colours of my acrylic paints, and I suddenly remember a colour that matches Eren’s eyes perfectly: titan green. Yes, his eyes definitely match up to that shade.

“Your eyes are really beautiful,” I say without thought, and I shut my mouth tightly after. Oh my God, why did I say that? It just came out; I had no control over it. This is incredibly embarrassing. Hopefully my face doesn’t go red to make this situation worse.

Eren smiles so that his eyes crinkle at the sides. “Thank you,” is all he says. How can he be so calm? Is it normal for random men to tell him that his eyes are beautiful? I highly doubt that. I’m fucking freaking out; I wish I just shut my mouth, “let’s move on. We’re going to do an open break now, which means I step back on my left foot while you step back on your right foot. From there, I’ll step my left foot forward while you step your right foot forward. We’ll do it slowly at first.”

On the first try I mess up, and I feel a little embarrassed, but Eren just corrects my movements. We try it again, and we succeed. My hands are still holding onto Erens as he stands behind me. I feel even more nervous. Why did he have to unbutton his shirt at the start?

“Yes! Exactly, just follow what I’m doing and don’t worry about the arm movements because I’ll lead you, and all you have to do is follow,” he says into my ear, and I feel his breath on my neck. It automatically sends chills down my spine, “now let’s do that whole thing again, but faster.” Eren unwinds me and we go back to the neutral position.

We do the few steps I’ve learned and stop at the position where Eren is behind me. “You’re doing well,” he compliments me, “from here, the both of us have to sway our hips to the right and then to the left.” I fluster. Oh Lord, this is embarrassing.

Eren leads and I sway my hips to the left first of all and then to the right. I start panicking inside when I realise I was grinding my ass against his crotch. I want to run away right now. “I-I’m sorry,” I say, stuttering a little. I hear him grunt quietly.

“It’s fine. It’s a part of the dance,” he says, and I feel his warm breath on my neck once more. I feel like I’m on fire right now, and it’s all because of this man standing behind me. I’m going to make sure that this time I’m not fucking grinding on him, because well, it’s fucking embarrassing, “we’ll repeat that move again. Start slow.”

We both sway our hips slowly, and I feel his crotch directly on my ass. I can’t seem to stop that though; he’s got me in a position where I can’t really adjust myself. Oh God, this is awkward. I’m not made to dance, why did I agree to this?

“Yeah, yeah, right… um, I mean, yeah you got it,” he says slowly. How long are we going to do this for? This is the easiest part of the dance, “now, do it faster.” I hear him breathing heavily in my ear, which makes me have perverted thoughts. I should not be thinking this here.

I go faster along with Eren, matching his speed. Oh, my ass is really grinding against him now. This is so fucking awkward; doesn’t he sense that? Doesn’t he feel it? Maybe he’s just so used to it because he does kizomba. “Oh, baby…” I hear him say quietly in my ear. Or at least I think I did.

“What did you say?” I stop my movements and turn around to look him in the eyes. I really doubt he said what I think he said; my mind is playing tricks on me or some shit.

Eren perks up. “Uh- no. I didn’t say anything,” he looks away from my eyes, “since we’re good with that move, let’s do the last few.” He spins me back around, his hands still holding mine.

“From this position, I lift your hands up and twirl you around all the way so your back is to me,” he informs me. I nod my head and we start to practise the movement. It’s simple, but I can’t help being nervous while doing it. What if I look like an idiot? Eren seems too kind to tell me if I am.

“You’re doing brilliantly,” he compliments me again, “now to finish the routine, I’ll dip you back a bit. It’s okay, I won’t go very far.” He says, noticing how my expression changes when he mentions dipping me back. Now, this is where I fall back like an idiot.

I say nothing to him, but give him a nod to tell him I acknowledge it. From the position we’re in, I fall back slightly and Eren’s arm becomes less relaxed when he catches me in my fall. I stare at him and see him staring right back at me.

“Nice, now let’s do the routine to some music,” he says while letting go of my hands and walking to the small table where there is a CD player. He turns it on, and a tune plays almost instantly. It reminds me of salsa; fast strumming of a guitar, foreign singing (most likely Spanish)… it’s really joyful. Nothing like what I listen to.

Eren comes back over to me and grabs both of my hands again. I notice him tapping his foot a few times. “5, 6, 7, 8!” he says and starts leading me into the dance. Thank fucking God I didn’t mess up.

We complete the small routine twice confidently, and I feel a little less nervous than before. It’s actually kind of fun. “One more time,” he says with a smile, and I nod my head once. We complete it again for the third time, and Eren bursts out with a beautiful grin, his hand holding my left hand.

“See, it wasn’t so bad was it? You were having fun, right?” he asks me. Even if I didn’t enjoy myself at all, I couldn’t talk myself into denying him. His face right now looks too happy, too bright. How could I disturb that?

“Yeah,” I admit to him. I look down at the little bit of bare torso revealed to me unintentionally, and notice black ink on the right. I furrow my eyebrows and without thinking, I pull back a bit of his shirt to get a full view of the ink. I didn’t know he had a tattoo.

Eren looks down at me with a surprised expression, but realises exactly what I’m looking at. The black ink in his skin is in small cursive writing, and it says ‘Karla’. Who is Karla? His girlfriend perhaps?

I try to push away the thought of that possibility far back in my mind. I wouldn’t doubt for a second that he has a woman in his life; he’s just too delicious to pass up. “Oh, yeah, I have a tattoo,” Eren chuckles, “Karla’s my deceased mother. She meant a lot to me.” He tells me.

I look up at the brown-haired boy in front of me. We have more things in common than I thought; I have a deceased mother as well. I thought the only thing we could relate to was how invested we are in our passion. There’s so much about Eren I don’t know.

And I want to know him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how some of you thought they were going to 'do it' this chapter xD No! Not yet. Though I can't wait to write it; I've got many smutty scenes planned out 0///0 but first, I'm just going to let Eren and Levi fall in love a bit :)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it!


	12. Marvel

For a few seconds I stay in this same position with Eren; both his hands holding onto mine while we’re both looking at each other. I kind of want to stay like this; me looking into his eyes as he does the same to me. I want to feel his hands on mine for a long time; I want him to keep touching me. It’s only temporary, so I’m relishing in the feeling.

“I’m sorry about your mum,” I say quietly, losing myself in his beautiful eyes. I want to reach out and touch his face so badly. I want to run my hands through his brown hair over and over and touch all of him. I want to explore everything this gorgeous man has.

“What are you sorry for? Don’t be,” he says, equally quiet. His eyelids lower as they look at me, and he lets go of my left hand to put his own hand on my face. It catches me completely off guard and I let out an embarrassing whimper. What is he doing?

Eren suddenly runs his thumb across my bottom lip and I feel my entire being light on fire. He strokes it a few times, looking down at it. I’m absolutely petrified; I cannot move, but I’m not sure right now if I want to. My stomach is full of butterflies and my heart is surely beating too fast to be healthy.

His eyes go from my lips to my eyes again, and I can’t resist reaching out to touch his face. I simply can’t. My hand goes to his face slowly, but then I hear a sudden turn of the door knob. We both quickly take our hands off each other and turn our attention somewhere else. I nervously apply my leather jacket back on.

I’m so fucking red in the face; I feel it. Why do I have to be like this?

The door opens and I glance towards it to see the small blonde girl, Krista. She has a bag slung over her shoulder and her hair is tied up into a high ponytail on her head. “Oh, Levi, I didn’t know you would be here,” she says, a bright smile on her face. She’s such a cheery person, “why are you here anyway? Were you passing by?”

“No, um…” I stutter, while running my hand through my hair. I look everywhere but her blue eyes, and I try to find my words. Why can’t I say anything?

“I was teaching Levi some simple salsa moves,” Eren answers for me, and I feel utterly grateful. If he had left it to me I probably would have ran away as a last resort. I’m ridiculous.

Krista takes off her shoes and chucks them to the side. “Oh! I didn’t think you were that interested! Was it fun? Or did Eren boss you around a lot? Tell me if he did, I won’t hesitate to hit him right over the head,” she chuckles to herself and slaps Eren’s arm lightly. He rolls his eyes at her.

“Like you could even reach my head. And besides you’re not strong enough. I mean, you’re so petite!” he pokes fun at her and scruffs the top of her head. Krista pouts ever so slightly and elbows him in the arm, which causes Eren to frown.

“Don’t underestimate me Eren, I could kill you,” she says seriously, but then bursts out into giggles right afterwards. Eren smiles and chuckles, “oh, who am I kidding? You’d flick my forehead and I’d probably go flying.” I smirk at the sudden mental image. It’s humorous in a way.

“Most likely,” Eren says with a mischievous smile on his face which causes my heart to skip a beat. I’m so affected by him; every single thing he does influences my heart in some way. I can’t handle it.

“I’ll be going then. I won’t interrupt your practise,” I announce and start walking towards the door of the dance studio. The both of them say ‘bye’ to me, and then start talking to each other.

Just before I exit, I look back at Eren, and see he keeps taking glances towards me as he’s talking to Krista. When he notices my eyes on him, he gives me a small smile. I turn away immediately and close the door. Well, how was I supposed to respond to that?

I put my hands in the pockets of my leather jacket and continue to walk on the pavement. Suddenly, I feel something tap on my shoulder from behind, and I turn around quickly to see Petra. I haven’t seen her in quite a few days.

“Hi Levi!” she greets cheerily. Why do people look so happy when they talk to me? Don’t I look miserable and unapproachable? That’s how I see myself. I sometimes wonder why people like her are friends with me. “I’m on my way to Jean’s right now; want to come with if you’re not busy? The only reason I’m going there basically is to eat his cooking.” She chuckles to herself.

Jean is a very good cook. I don’t know how he is, but that idiot can make really fucking good food for some reason. “Yeah, okay, I’ll come,” I agree to her and a warm smile spreads onto her pale face. I’ve got nothing better to do anyway. And I really could use a distraction after the whole thing with Eren. I won’t stay long at Jean’s, since Eren will come back at some time.

I still feel flustered. I feel giddy for some odd reason; fidgety. I can’t seem to stop the butterflies in my stomach going ballistic. I mean, the guy was touching my face, and not only that: he was stroking my bottom lip. He kept looking at it in a way that made me go crazy. I don’t know what that whole thing was, but it for sure made me lose my breath.

“Cool, Farlan won’t be there though because his cousins are visiting over. He seems more quiet than usual these days; is something going on with him?” Petra asks with concern laced in her tone. We both walk on the pavement, on our way to the bus stop.

Something going on with Farlan? I have noticed that he has been quieter these days; he hasn’t talked with us a lot, and he normally does. The guy is shy, but he’s not that shy with us anymore. “I wouldn’t know,” I answer her, “I would ask, but I’m not one to give very good advice if there is an issue.” I look out to the other side of the street, where there are lots of people dressed in business attire.

“Well then, I’ll just have to ask. You think he’ll talk to me about it? Wouldn’t he prefer one of you asking instead of me?” Petra doubts herself and looks down on the floor as we walk.

“Petra, really? You two have known each other the longest and, well, we’ve all been together for a while now. I think Farlan would be grateful if you asked. I don’t think he’d want Jean and I who are pretty much assholes, Jean being the biggest, asking him what’s up. If I wanted advice, I’d probably go to you first,” I tell her, and she smiles in appreciation.

“Lies, you’d go to Jean right away. I know you well enough to know that,” she wraps her arm around my neck and brings me closer to her side. I let her.

“Well okay, either you or Jean. But Jean is an asshole, so he’d probably laugh at my misery first, then say something cheesy while giving me advice. If I wanted to go the easy route, I’d go to you,” I say, and Petra nods along and laughs.

Her tone of voice lowers. “We all know you would turn to Jean no matter what, Levi,” she says. I turn my head to look at her and I see a small smile on her face, as she looks up at the sky.

She’s right. Though Farlan and Petra mean so much to me, Jean has always meant a little bit more. He stuck with me through my shitty stages in high school and never gave up on me, even when I pushed him back countless times. I’ve got to give him credit for that. I have no idea why he wanted to befriend me when I was the worst I could be back then, but he did, and I’m so fucking grateful for it.

“Yeah, I guess I would,” I reply.

***

“Ew, gross, it’s Levi,” Jean says immaturely and backs away the moment he sees me. I roll my eyes at him as Petra and I enter his home. The first thing I see in his home is all the Marvel and Harley Quinn posters, though he’s rearranged them.

“Shut up, dick head. I came for your food,” I say, and Jean raises his eyebrows at me. Petra giggles at the both of us and sets her bag down on the coffee table, “I see you’ve rearranged your posters.” I point out.

Jean nods. “Yeah, I needed a change. And this way, I can fit this really cool Deadpool poster I’ve been wanting. It’s pretty large,” he tells me and brings out his phone to show me the poster of Deadpool that he wants. It’s framed, with the fictional character making a love-heart of his hands mockingly. A small smirk forms on my face.

“You can tell he has some attitude,” I say, removing my leather jacket and chucking it at Jean, who catches it. He huffs and rolls his eyes at me before throwing it back to me. I smirk. Petra watches the exchanges between the both of us, and her expression looks amused, “ah, if only Marvel and DC fans could look at this; they’d be looking at you with disgust. Mixing Harley Quinn amongst the Marvel? Oh they would despise you. You know that they’re both very competitive fandoms.” I tell him, putting my jacket on the coat hanger.

“Yeah, I know that, but I’m not like that. Harley Quinn is hot, man. You can’t deny that fact,” Jean says, waving a finger in front of my face. I slap his finger out of the way and move to sit down next to Petra on the couch, “even Petra finds her pretty!” He raises his voice.

“Okay, okay, yes she is pretty, now can you stop obsessing so much? I want your food, I’m fucking hungry,” I say, feeling my stomach make a weird sound. I think Petra hears it, because she turns away to hide her face, and does an awful job concealing her chuckle.

“Yeah well, I haven’t started yet. You’re going to have to wait. Why don’t you get off your ass and help me?” he asks, and I let out an extremely fake laugh. Jean sticks his tongue out at me for a moment.

“Like that’s going to happen. I’d mess it up or something; I’m bound to. Can I look at some of the art you’ve done recently? Have you done any?” I ask him, interested in seeing it. I love Jean’s art; it’s really comical and colourful. Mine is so different, being that it is very dark and mysterious.

He replies to me. “Yeah, actually, I’d like your opinion on the sketches I’ve done. They’re on the desk,” he informs me, while filling a big pot of water. I nod my head and get off the couch to walk over to Jean’s room.

I walk in and I’m met immediately with colours. Colours everywhere. There’s not a dull spot in sight. Canvases are everywhere splurged with characters and spray paint, and it’s honestly so brilliant.

I hear someone come up from behind me, and I turn around to see Petra. She has an uncomfortable look about her, almost nervous, and my expression turns into a frown. “What’s up? You look nervous,” I say, and she looks away from my eyes, “is everything alright?” I don’t know what else to say. She was fine on the way here, why does she look so bothered now?

Petra closes the door behind her and locks it. She turns right back around to me and clenches her fists tightly. What’s wrong with her?


	13. Little Man

I’m not sure what to think right now as I look at Petra. She’s not how she usually is; cheery and happy. Yes, I’ve witnessed some of her lowest moments in life; I wouldn’t be her best friend if I hadn’t, but she looks distressed. How can she be so calm one second and like this the next? Something is definitely wrong.

“Come on Petra, talk to me,” I urge her and she sighs heavily. She looks down at the ground and doesn’t even bother to meet my eyes for what seems like forever, “something is obviously wrong. Did you want to talk about it?” I ask her, not really knowing what I should do.

Petra finally meets my eyes, but they’re clouded by nervousness. Why is she nervous? Just what the fuck is the problem here? She walks around Jean’s room slowly, and eventually stops to look at a canvas hanging on the wall. “I love this one, don’t you? Jean did such a good job of it,” she tells me, pointing at the artwork.

I look at the large canvas on the wall, finding myself mesmerised by every detail of it. I’ve seen this one many times before: it’s one of my favourites. The canvas contains a small man painting a picture of the colour black only, but instead of painting only inside the frame, he paints outside the frame far and wide. The man’s art outside the frame transitions into amazing red flowers all different sizes, as well as a few deep-blue ones. Some of Jean’s art have a lot of meaning to them, and this is one of them.

“I just adore it. The whole meaning behind it and all,” Petra says, not taking her eyes off the canvas for a second, “I feel like this man inside the canvas has a very precise life; like there’s no room for creativity, or changes. Perhaps his parents have been controlling his way of life since a young age, and the painting outside this man’s canvas is meant to represent the discovering of what he’s capable of; which is much more to what he’s restricted to. And much more beautiful.” She tells me, then looks back at me.

My interpretation of the artwork is different to Petra’s. Instead this man isn’t controlled by his parents: he’s controlled by his rage and frustration. This man blames everyone but himself for his wrong doings. He thinks the world is horrible place and despises basically everyone in it; including himself. He makes the same mistakes over and over again, but one day, someone teaches him the world isn’t as bad as he thought it was. And that’s when he realises he has some worth and potential. So he explores outside the world he’s made for himself, and creates a more beautiful world for himself.

I’ve applies this artwork’s meaning to my life events. Yes, I was an extremely shitty person. But I’m glad I’m out of that now. It’s all in the past and it doesn’t matter to me. Sometimes I wonder if Jean painted this thinking of me, because he knows exactly what I was like back then, and this artwork fits in perfectly to my life.

“You know, Jean told me he had thoughts of you in mind when he was painting this. Originally, it was meant to be meaningless to him, but he found meaning behind it when he thought of you. He worked amazingly hard on this to make it perfect,” Petra breaks the silence. I look at her and see she now has an ever-so-small smile on her face.

“Oh, he did? Jean is so cheesy, isn’t he? He seems like such a tough guy, and I think he likes to think so himself, but he just isn’t at all,” I look down at the floor and feel a small smile of my own form on my face.

“He’s so attached to you, and I see you are the same with him. You two are inseparable, and it makes me happy seeing you guys like that,” Petra says in a low voice, a voice I don’t really hear from her. I look into her eyes with a lazy smile, and she does the same, “he really loves you, Levi. We all do.”

“Yeah, I love you guys to,” I say, and feel my face heating up a little bit. Oh God, why do I have to make myself feel so embarrassed? I’m just saying that I love my friends. And I love them a lot.

Petra walks over to stand in front of me and I stare into her eyes. “Would you ever be able to say that to me with more than just friendship behind it?” she says, and I notice her hands shaking nervously by her side. What does she mean? It can’t be what I think, does it?

“What… what are you implying?” I still ask, just in case that I’m wrong. Though I can’t be; she said it so clearly. But… it can’t be. Why am I finding it so hard to accept?

Petra grabs my hand and holds it tightly. “I love you, Levi,” she confesses, and I widen my eyes, “and not in the friendly way I’ve been telling you all along. I mean this with everything I am, and everything I feel for you. I love you, so much,” she tells me, and I see tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

Petra loves me? Since when did she start feeling this way for me? And how? How does she love me like this? “I’ve loved you for a while now. I couldn’t handle keeping this secret in any longer; even if it had to be told in Jean’s bedroom. It’s kind of ridiculous, isn’t it? Oh God, I’m sorry for pushing this onto you. I know you’re not the best when it comes to dealing with situations like this.” Tears start rolling down her face while she laughs sadly to herself.

I can’t find my words, fuck. Why do I have to be speechless now? This is the worst time to be silent. I have to speak to her, but I can’t form a proper sentence in my head. “Petra, I…um…” I say, mentally getting frustrated at myself for not speaking up.

“Do you… do you perhaps feel the same? Even a little bit?” she looks at me with puppy dog eyes, but they’re not as what they’re supposed to appear as tears roll down from them. She shouldn’t have to cry over me; was she so frightened to tell me that it lead to her being so emotional?

I know I don’t feel the same for her. I love Petra, I love her a lot, but not in the way that she supposedly does for me. If only she knew what I’ve been going through the past few days; she’d most likely reconsider telling me her confession. I mean, I’m most likely gay, judging from the way I act around Eren. And that’s going to take some time getting used to.

Petra’s hand shakes tremendously in her grasp. “Levi… how do you feel when you look at me? Do you feel anything special?” she hopes. Petra really wants me to feel the same, and I’m awfully flattered, but I can’t find a way to handle this situation properly. I don’t love her the way she wants me to, but how do I say it without hurting her?

“Petra, I’m sorry…” I start off, seeing her face fall immediately as I say the words. She suddenly pushes me backwards so that I’m walking back in that direction, and my legs collide with the end of Jean’s bed. I stumble back and hit the bed with my back. Petra climbs on top of me and straddles my waist. She places her hands on both of my cheeks.

“How about now? Do you feel anything when I do this?” she cries, sniffling and trying to hold back her endless tears. “Isn’t there anything you feel for me? It doesn’t have to be much, but I’ll make you love me. I swear I will.” Her hands feel hot on my face.

“I’m so sorry, Petra. But I don’t feel the same way. I’m so flattered, believe me I am, but if I decided to date you, feeling the way I do now, I know you would hate it. You don’t want that, do you? Neither of us would be happy,” I say quietly, as her tears fall onto my face. She sniffles again.

Petra buries her head into my neck, but her hands stay on my face. She softly caresses my cheeks with them. “I guess not,” she says quietly into my neck. I can feel her wet tears there, “I’m so sorry that I’m being like this. I’m honestly so embarrassed. I just… I want you to love me so badly.” She cries into my neck and I let her. How could I push her away? I couldn’t do that.

She takes her hands off my face and grabs onto my shirt with them. I lay there, looking at the roof, as she buries her face into my neck. “Can we just stay like this for a bit? I’m not ready for you to see this catastrophic emotional mess just yet,” she tells me and uses one of her hands to point to herself. I let out a light chuckle and she does the same.

“Yeah, of course,” I agree to her, and she holds onto my shirt tighter. Right now she’s hysterical and a bit of an emotion mess. Just how much did it take to get her to confess? Did she perhaps already predict the results, and that’s why she was trying to find such ways to get me to be with her? Is that why she asked so many questions?

I don’t know much, but I do know that she loves me a lot. Feeling loved is very special, and I’ve come to be granted with that after my days in high school. I don’t deserve it, but other people think I do, and I’m grateful. I have people in my life who give a shit about me, and I owe so much to them. One of them being Petra.

“Hey…” Petra says shakily, “do you have anyone you love in your life?” she asks, and I find the answer almost immediately. I don’t have anyone I’m in love with, and I’m okay with it. Maybe one day I’ll find someone, but for now, I’m fine being by myself.

Though I do find myself thinking about Eren a whole lot, but I know exactly what I feel for him: sexual attraction. It’s clearly just that. Yes, I do fancy him quite a bit, but I’m not in love with him. I don’t think I’ll ever be. I don't think I'm capable to completely invest myself in someone.

“No, I’m not in love with anyone,” I answer her, and I can hear her breathing become less shaky as time passes on. I lift my arms up and wrap them around her delicate body in an embrace, and she loses herself crying again. I think she needs to let all her emotions out, even if she is crying an awful lot into my neck.

“Thank you for deciding to love me. You have horrible taste, but thank you nonetheless,” I say, and she laughs into my neck. I stroke her head softly with one hand, not knowing what to do to calm her. She means so much to me, and I hate seeing her like this. She doesn’t deserve any bad, only good.

“It’s going to be hard getting over you; when you’re such a brilliant person and all. It confuses me as to why you question why people enjoy your company. You need to be more confident in yourself,” Petra sniffles again. Her crying has softened down quite a bit.

I don’t reply to her, so instead we stay like this a little while longer. Minutes have passed, and so Petra finally gets off of me. I get off my bed and touch the side of my neck. It’s wet. I look at my hand and see black smudged onto it. Petra laughs at me with swollen eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

She rubs her hand on my neck to get rid of her makeup and gives me a small smile. She opens Jean’s door and exits out first. I stay in the room for a little while longer, staring at the little man in the canvas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys leave such amazing comments! I'm so flattered and grateful and ah! I'm so freaking happy!! And lots of you have left kudos, which is just incredible. Thank you all!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. It was so fun to write knowing I had lots of you supporting this story. You're all brilliant! xx


	14. Thai Green

“This is fucking delicious, Jean,” I say, while digging my spoon into the savoury dish, “your food is always good; how do you do it?” I ask. I place the food into my mouth and chew on the chicken slowly. It’s very spicy, the way I like it, and the texture is perfect.

Jean made a Thai Green Chicken Curry this time around. I’ve had it before a number of times, but it’s been a while since he’s made it. His Thai Green is one of the favourite dishes. I scoop up a bit of rice and place it into my mouth. I take a glance at Petra, who’s seated on the arm of the couch, and see that she’s picking at her food.

Normally she would dig into Jean’s food, but perhaps because of the events before, she can’t enjoy it at the moment? I wish she would at least stop frowning at her plate; Jean will eventually notice then start pestering her about what’s bothering her. I don’t think she’s in the mood for that.

“I don’t know man. I guess I’m just born perfect,” he says and flicks his imaginary mass of hair with his hand. I roll my eyes at him and he chuckles. When is he not being an idiot?

I continue to eat, every now and again I take quick glances at Petra. She’s still barely eating her food with that uncomfortable look of hers. She’s barely paid any attention to us for a long time now; is she that distraught from before? Did I do something wrong to make her like this? I don’t think I did. I tried to deal with the situation as best as I could.

“I’ll clean up for you, if you’d like,” I offer, when Jean and I finish our meals. Petra has eaten some of hers, but not nearly enough. I get up from the couch and take away Jean’s bowl from him. He smiles. I grab Petra’s as well; she doesn’t even look me in the eye.

“Thanks. Jeez, this might be the only considerate thing you’ve done for me in your life,” he says as I walk away from him to the kitchen. I hold up my hand to show him my middle finger and he laughs silently. I smirk.

I place the unclean dishes to the side and start filling the sink with hot water. I apply a little bit of detergent and swirl my right hand in the water, to mix it around. I roll both of my sleeves up and fill the sink with cutlery first, so they soak. I put the bowls in, and when I do, I hear Jean talking to Petra.

“Oi, Petra, are you alright? You just seem to be looking a little bothered about something,” he says, his tone of voice much gentler when talking to her. I listen in to the pair of them as I scrub the dishes clean.

“I’m fine, Jean,” she replies, obvious to me and most likely to Jean, that she’s lying. Is she even trying to appear okay? If she is, she’s doing a horrible job. I’m not even looking at her, but I can hear how miserable she is.

It’s all because of me. I don’t really know what it’s like to be in her position; I’ve never confessed myself to anyone. Is this how everyone is when the one they love doesn’t love them the same way back? I don’t know what she sees in me to be fair. Why would she decide to invest herself in me when they’re plenty of other guys that are much better?

Well, whatever she saw, it had to be enough to make her love me. Petra doesn’t love anyone so easily; she’s very picky and specific. I’m very confused as to what she saw, but I’m very flattered that she decided to love me. I wish I could return my feelings the same way because she deserves what she wants, but I can’t. It’s as simple as that. I shouldn’t have to lie to her or myself for the sake of an unhappy relationship as the result.

I’m done feeling unhappy. I’m not going to bring that back by doing something stupid.

“Bullshit. I can see it clearly on your face. What the hell is bothering you?” Jean pushes and I hear Petra sigh loudly. “Is someone giving you shit? Just tell me. I’m not afraid to hurt a person or two.” He says, and it triggers some memories of him in the past. No Jean, you are not afraid to do that.

“No! No one is giving me shit, okay? I’m fine. Just please listen to me,” Petra raises her voice suddenly, and lets out a frustrated sigh at the end. Yeah, she’s not very good at pretending to be ‘fine’.

I wish I could do something, but I’ve done everything I can. What else could I do? I doubt she really wants to talk to me now, anyway. I mean, I can’t exactly comfort her when I’m the guy she’s trying to get comfort from, who is also the same one who caused the issue. It just wouldn’t work.

“Okay, jeez, I’m sorry,” Jean replies. I can tell he’s walking over to me by his footsteps getting louder as they come my direction. I continue loading the drying rack with dishes, and look back once to look at Petra. Her arms are folded in her lap and she has that distressed look about her.

Jean stops behind me and uses his hand on my shoulder to turn me around. I look up at him with an unimpressed look on my face. “Leave her alone, alright?” I say quietly, and fold my arms over my chest.

He sighs and looks down at me with his eyebrows furrowed. “I’m just concerned for her. She hasn’t looked that way in a long time. I can’t help being worried, you know?” he gestures his hand to Petra and I nod my head.

“Well, she is human after all, so being upset every now and again is normal,” is all I say, but Jean doesn’t seem satisfied with my reply, “look. If she doesn’t want to tell you, she doesn’t want to tell you. Don’t force it out of her. If she thinks it’s important enough, she’ll tell you. For now, leave her be.” I say and get back to washing the dishes.

It’s silent between us for a moment, before he speaks again. “You seem to be informed of what’s disturbing Petra, don’t you Levi?” Jean calls me out, and I wonder then how the fuck he always catches me out. “Am I wrong? What were you two doing in my room when I was cooking?” he asks, and I sigh. Well fuck. This was meant to be easy.

I ignore the dishes and turn around to him. “Jean, this isn’t the time or place to be talking about this. Petra is right over there,” I point to her, “and I don’t think I’m in the position to tell you anything. Just wait it out. If Petra wants me to tell you, I will, but not now. It’s not that big of a deal. Trust me on this.” I say seriously, and he diverts his eyes away from mine.

“How come you’re the only one who knows what the fuck is going on with her?” Jean says and I frown at him. “I’m sorry! Okay, I’m worried about her. I can’t stop that! I’m also a little on edge about Farlan; he hasn’t been looking the best either. Levi, you can’t stop me being concerned for people I care about. That just does not work for me.” He says quietly and walks away from me before I can even utter a response.

I watch him walk into his room and shut the door behind him. I finish off the dishes and wipe down the benches. I wash my hands afterwards and dry them off with a hand towel. I pull my sleeves down and sit down on the couch again, this time bringing out my phone to check the time. It’s six pm now; not very late.

I’m contemplating on whether I should bother starting a conversation with Petra. She seems miserable, and I’m likely just going to make it worse. I can’t help it. I’ve never been in this type of situation before in my entire life.

“You can tell Jean if you want to. I don’t mind,” she says to me, and I turn my head towards her. She’s looking at me with her eyebrows furrowed. How can I possibly think she doesn’t mind when she’s putting on a face like that?

“Really? ‘Cause you’re looking at me right now like you want to kill me,” I say. Petra looks down at the floor again, “listen, I’m not a gossiper. I’m not dying to tell him. I don’t have to tell Jean shit if you really don’t want me to.” I lean my arms on my legs and put my phone on the coffee table in front of me.

Petra lets out a sigh. “It’s just Jean seems really pissed that I’m telling him nothing. I thought it would be easier for everyone if you just told him instead. I’m not really in the state to tell him, and the longer I wait, the more he gets pissed,” she says and I nod my head, “God, that guy means so much to me but he can be so unbearable at times.” She sighs again.

Petra does have a point there, but is that what she really wants? If she wants it, I’ll do it. I just don’t want her regretting her decision later. “Okay, well, I’ll ask for the last time: do you want me to tell him?” I ask. “Think about it for a bit.”

“I’ve already made up my mind,” she replies almost instantly, “I would prefer you to tell him. That way it’s out of the way and I don’t have to stress over it while trying to find the right opportunity. Not to mention, in the midst of all that, Jean would be an impatient shithead. But hey, you wouldn’t mind doing it, would you?” she asks me and I shake my head.

“No, I don’t mind. But what about Farlan? Or does he already know?” I ask her and she nods her head slowly. I acknowledge it.

“Yes, I told him a month back actually. It was stupid how I told him, really. I was over at his house dropping off a movie I borrowed, and well, he offered me a drink and I couldn’t say no to that,” Petra smiles for the first time in what feels like forever, “we ended up having a few too many; as you do. And I vaguely remember us telling each other stories we’ve never told anyone about, and yeah, my secret kind of slipped. Farlan was surprised; very surprised. But I think that the fact he was intoxicated might have exaggerated everything he does.” She laughs at herself and a small smile appears on my face. Farlan is humorous when he’s drunk.

A memory comes to my mind. “Oi, do you remember that time at the bar he was so drunk off his ass, that he got on top of the bar and said something like- oh what was it? Uh, ‘I’m going to suck every dick in this place tonight’,” Petra laughs out loud. I smile.

“Yes, yes I do! I remember Jean laughing his ass off and you- oh your expression! You were about to knock him off the bar; I could tell,” Petra laughs at the fond memory. She seems more relaxed now, “I couldn’t resist telling him about it the next morning, since he couldn’t remember a thing. It was either me or Jean, and I think he was grateful I got to him first! Imagine if Jean was the one to tell him, oh Lord. I know he wouldn’t stop teasing him, poor bugger.” She smiles so widely, like how she normally does.

The both of us laugh, but in the midst of it all, the front door opens and Eren is revealed. His eyes go to me immediately. Petra’s smile diminishes a little, but Eren’s widens. “Hi Petra. I didn’t know you’d be here, Levi,” he walks in and closes the door behind him. His shirt is buttoned up thank God.

“No, I wasn’t planning to be here,” I reply back, “are you hungry? Jean made Thai Green if you want it. It’s just on the stove.” I point over to the kitchen and his eyes go directly to the pot of curry.

“Yes, I’m starving!” Eren says and walks into the kitchen. “Gotta love Jean, am I right? His food is the fucking best.” There goes that word again. Any time the word ‘love’ is thrown between us I can’t help but feel a little skittish. I’m a fucking weird person. People don’t usually react like that, do they?

Petra walks into the kitchen to get a glass of water and smiles at Eren. She doesn’t seem to appear all that happy around him like she usually is. Well, I guess she is still kind of upset about before.

She comes back to the seating area and sits back on the couch with her water. “You seem to be in a cheery mood,” I point out at Eren and he turns around to give me the dorkiest smile I’ve seen in my entire life. It’s so fucking adorable. How can he be so cute but then so incredibly sexy at the same time?

“I am,” he replies, and shows me the most breathtaking smile I’ve seen. My heart literally cannot stop beating.

I’m so fucking gay for Eren Jaeger, and I don’t think I’m far from accepting it.


	15. Aesthetic

“Do you want something to drink, Levi?” Jean asks as he opens the white fridge door. He looks over behind his shoulder to meet my gaze, and I shake my head. I’m not really in the mood for it.

“No thanks,” I say, and rub at my eyes a little bit. I can’t focus so well on the blank piece of paper in front me that well; if I knew I was going to be sketching at Jean’s place I would have brought my glasses.

Jean nods his head, grabs himself a drink and heads back into his bedroom. I twirl the mechanical pencil in my right hand and concentrate on the white sheet. I’m not using my own stationary; Jean offered to lend it to me. I do it quite a lot; going to his place, sitting down while sketching a million things. I felt like drawing at the moment, and if the supplies I need are right near me, there isn’t any contemplation.

Petra left a little while ago to go back to her house, and I’m kind of grateful for that. She was in too foul of a mood to be around people, and I think she realised that herself. I wish I could do something to comfort her more, but I’m doing the best to my ability, and that’s all I can do.

This is when female friends would come in handy for Petra. She’s told me before that having female friends is a drag; since she thinks that they’re too ‘much’ for her, whatever the hell that means, and that she’d much rather be with us for the rest of her life. But I’m not fully convinced she’s satisfied enough. Wouldn’t she like to have someone else in her life she could relate to more, someone who could perhaps understand her better than any of us? I mean, Petra is very close to us, but isn’t there things out there she would rather have a female friend to console in? I don’t know with her, but she always tells me the same thing: ‘I only need you three in my life’.

I don’t even know myself. I’m just going by what I’ve learnt, and well, what I’ve experienced. Back in high school, some women tried to get to know me, but I was simply too much of a dickhead to let anyone in. They got a hint sooner or later, and gave up on trying with me. Jean came soon after, and that was the first time I ever opened myself up for anybody. Now that I’ve thought about it, one of the reasons why I was so easy to break by him was because he was male. I felt like I could relate to him just a little bit more than any of the women who wanted to get to know me.

I’m perhaps just overthinking it, like I do with most things. But I can never be too sure. Whatever Petra decides to do that thinks is best for her, I will support her no matter what. It’s her choices that determine her life and how she wants to live it; not mine.

I cross my right leg over my left and lean the sketch book on it. I really wish I had my glasses. I want to sketch so badly, but my inability to draw without glasses and the fact that the light is dim is making me reconsider my decision. I’ll just have to deal with it; I feel like I have inspiration and I’m not going to waste it.

Eren is here as well. Of course he is though, he’s staying here in Jean’s house for two whole weeks. I feel like it’s taking forever. Normally time goes too fast for me to comprehend, but not this time. It’s strange.

I put my pencil to paper, and start to sketch a bunch of detailed eyes. Some of them in a realistic style, the rest in the Japanese cartoon style that I’ve become so fond of. I draw some positons of hands, and in the midst of all this random drawing, I complete a sketch of Petra. It’s realistic, but very simple. Her head is at a ¾ angle, looking right at me. Her short hair is flowing down her face, and the sides of her hair are pulled back by little clips with a white flower on them. She looks pretty, happy, and it reminds me of what she looked like six years ago when I first met her. Petra always wore clips back then.

I’m too immersed in my sketching that I don’t even notice when Eren comes by to sit next to me. He plops down on the couch and looks over at my drawings. “What are you drawing?” he asks, his face inching closer to mine. “Oh, those are really good! You’re so blessed to be able to whip up something so incredible so quickly. Drawing is beautiful, though I’m the worst when it comes to it.” He tells me with a smile.

“I’m not blessed, I’ve just been drawing for so many years. Just like you with your salsa,” I answer back, tightening the grip on my pencil, “if one is passionate enough about something, the only way to excel is to follow through with it. That’s all I’ve ever been doing.” I turn my head to meet his eyes and his smile slightly diminishes for some reason.

“I guess so, but still, it’s the person’s attitude towards their passion which determines their result. I can tell you’ve handled it really well, since you’re so successful when it comes to art at such an age,” Eren looks away from me and lowers his tone of voice, “I know people who loved their passion more than anything, but they have never been as successful as they could have been because of their behaviour. Only a good attitude in this world will get you anywhere.”

“You’ve displayed that quite well, haven’t you? Sure there must have been moments when you felt like giving up, I had many like that when I was younger, but I know you kept your cool. It shows in the aesthetic beauty of your art,” Eren ends his small speech with a heart-warming smile that makes me swoon. He’s so pretty.

“Uh, yeah, maybe, but it wasn’t like that years ago. I had a lot of difficulty keeping myself calm. I’m surprised I still went through with art, I was at a point where I didn’t care about anything anymore,” I tell him while retracing the sketches of hands I drew, “but that’s all my fault because I was a little bitch. Things are much more different now.” I nod my head and he sees.

“Well, I’m glad you kept going with it. You chose the right choice. Now you make spectacular masterpieces that many people would die to be able to do,” Eren shows a smile that displays his teeth, “you should be proud with yourself.”

In a way, I am quite proud of myself, but deep down I’m waiting for all that I’ve accomplished to end somehow. Maybe I’m just being the pessimist I am, which is likely, but I can never know for sure. Perhaps one day I will stop being inspired forever, because I’ve been taught that all good things must come to an end. A little part of me is just waiting for my downfall that I hope will never come.

There’s a comfortable silence between us as I go back to sketching on the paper supplied to me. Eren leans his arms on his legs and looks up at me from where he is. “Tu eres mi estetica,” he says with a small smile on his perfect face. It’s Spanish again; what did he say?

“What does that mean?” I ask, tearing my eyes away from the paper to meet his titan green gaze. His smile widens ever so slightly, and right then I really just want to touch his face with my hand. I want to touch this beautiful man so badly. Why is this so?

“You are my aesthetic,” Eren answers me, and I feel my heart skip what seems like a thousand beats. What? What could he possibly mean by that? He can’t be fucking with me; why would he say that?

My eyes are staring into his directly, but I can’t seem to turn my head away from him. I’m so caught up in the moment that I can’t think properly. Or even breathe for that matter. This man has such an effect on me. Everything he does strains my heart one way or the other.

He slowly moves his hand up to my face and cups my cheek. My eyes never go away from his eyes; I’m too far gone in them, and I’m not sure if I want to stop. Seconds after, Eren gets up to stand directly in front of me, and he cups my other cheek with his left hand. What is exactly going on here?

I swear my face is on fire right now because of this contact. One touch and I’m completely immersed. How does he do that to me? I’ve never been so intrigued by a person before. I want him to touch me more.

Eren runs one of his thumbs over my bottom lip, like he did in the dance studio only hours ago. Jesus, was that today? It felt like such a long time ago. Time is slower whenever I’m with him, and I don’t know whether that’s because I’m busy drinking in every detail of his beautiful presence.

Right now I can’t help but think that maybe he does the same. There isn’t anything really beautiful about me like there is for him, but he’s looking at me like I’m the only thing to exist. I wish I could understand what was going on, then I could act on it properly. I’m just so confused, but at the same time my heart won’t stop thumping.

My own hand goes to trace the outline of his collar bone, where it’s peeking out through his shirt. I don’t even think about my actions; it just happens without any control of my body. It’s a little terrifying, but then again, this whole situation kind of is.

One hand drops down and goes to touch my shirt. I suddenly yelp embarrassingly and cover my mouth. Why am I being such a little bitch right now? This only happens when it comes to Eren, just why?

He trails his hand down my torso slowly and teasingly, and I feel like I may combust right there and then. I can’t take this; just what is he doing to me? And why won’t my body move to stop this?

I take my hand away from him and watch him trail his hand all the way down so it meets the end of my shirt. He slips his hand underneath and it feels quite cold against me. I let out a sound out of shock, followed by the creaking of a door opening. I widen my eyes and Eren gets his hand off me stealthily. He moves to sit on the seat next to me and I go back to focusing on the piece of paper full of sketches.

Jean enters the living room and I feel my whole body tense up. Jeez, if he witnessed just what happened before he came…he would be mortified. I feel like that at the moment. My face is guaranteed to be fire red, which doesn’t help at all.

“Ereeeeen,” Jean says in a sing-song tone, “Krista has been ringing you non-stop for five straight minutes. I’m getting a tad pissed off by your annoying-ass ringtone. Next time, don’t leave your phone in my room.” Eren walks over to Jean, and he hands him the phone with a sassy look. Eren laughs.

“Sorry, won’t happen again. Why is she being so persistent? Did I leave something at the studio or what?” he walks into his own room but doesn’t close the door behind him.

“Yeah, better not, dancer boy,” Jean says, and flashes me a slight smirk that only I see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! :)
> 
> I'm trying really hard on this story to make it a completed work that I'm absolutely proud of. I've never completed a story, and I want this one to be one I continue for a long time yet. You all are helping me achieve that by leaving comments and kudos! I am so, so, so unbelievably grateful!! To think that people enjoy my writing makes me absolutely ecstatic- so thank you.
> 
> I hope you continue to support me :) bye for now.


	16. Photo Album

It’s the next morning, and I’m already up and dressed by 8am. I barely got any sleep last night, due to the fact that Eren nearly drove me to the brink of death. It sounds a little dramatic when I say it like that, but that’s exactly how I felt. And still feel now.

I couldn’t stand staying at Jean’s place any longer, so I left without saying goodbye to Eren while he was on the phone to Krista. You can’t blame me for that. My heart was racing too fast for my body to tolerate, and I felt like I was going to pass out any moment. Yes, I’m exaggerating greatly, but it’s honestly how I felt.

Since when did I become such a drama queen? I was never like this. It’s amazing how people can change; I used to never believe in change.

I kept tossing and turning in my bed last night thinking of Eren. The thinking just wouldn’t stop. Most of my thoughts consisted of when he trailed his hand down my torso and touched my stomach underneath my shirt. His hand was cold, but it somehow brought along a burning fire when he touched me.

Other thoughts were remembering his beautiful eyes as they looked down on me with a hint of emotion in them, and the rest were how badly I wanted to reach out and touch him more. I just simply do not have the courage. If I did, I would have explored his entire body. I would have let him do the same.

I’m absolutely crazy about Eren. Mental, in fact. Completely and utterly mental. I have no idea why, but I do, and it’s intoxicating. The thing is that it’s all just merely sexual attraction; I’m not in love with him. I have too many thoughts of him fucking me, then actual thoughts of love. That’s where I stand with Eren.

I was shocked when he started touching me like he did. I never would have thought. I mean, that sort of stuff only appears in my imagination, so having it actually happen felt different. And I crave much more of it.

Eren must feel something between us for him to do that. Usually, a guy doesn’t do that sort of thing to another guy without intentions. What he feels, I have no idea. And how, well, that is definitely another mystery. Why would he develop these kind of feelings for me? We barely know anything about each other, and there isn’t a lot of things that we have in common. Maybe my feelings for him are the same when it comes to him? Perhaps it’s all just sexual attraction. I had no idea Eren was interested in men in the first place; he seems like such a ladies’ man.

I’m honestly kind of terrified, but ridiculously giddy at the same time. I’m not sure what to do from here on, but I think the best thing to do is not freak out. I’ll just take what’s coming to me; like that woman Ymir does.

In the midst of my day dreaming, I accidentally pour a little bit of my coffee down my white shirt. I jump and then place the cup down on the nearest space. I wince in pain from the hot substance and take my shirt off in a hurry. Once I do, I examine the stain and curse under my breath.

I need some new clothes desperately, but I’m not one to be very educated in what looks good on me. Jean is the one who helps me out buying clothes; he’s just useful when it comes to stuff like that. He tells me what suits me and what doesn’t, and I go along with it. I stick to his opinion.

Although I’m not really creative when it comes to clothes. Most of it consists of black and white shirts, denim jeans, black jeans, leather jackets and a few beanies I wear every now and again. There’s not much colour, but I don’t really care. Jean’s closet is very colourful, just like his paintings. I guess our art styles reflect on our clothes to.

He keeps on telling me that I should put a little colour in my style, but I honestly don’t find any need to. I’m comfortable wearing simple colours that don’t stand out. Jean likes to stand out, so he absolutely loves colour and unique style.

I walk over to the hamper in my bathroom and place the coffee-stained shirt inside it. I go into my bedroom and grab out a black shirt. I put it on and button it up. I walk out again to drink the rest of my coffee in peace, and sit in silence for a while before grabbing out my phone. I go to my messages to look for Jean, and realise that his name in my contacts is different to before. Instead of ‘Jean’, it now says ‘Jean is Sexy’.

I roll my eyes. What a fucking idiot. Since when did he get a hold on my phone? Cheeky bastard.

I don’t bother to change it, and instead text him saying: ‘Morning Jean, I need some new clothes. Have any time today to go out and help me?’ I press send and leave my phone beside me, awaiting a response. He normally responds quickly, which is one thing that isn’t annoying about him.

Whilst I wait, I search through my phone aimlessly. I press on my camera roll icon and I’m met with a few albums labelled ‘Oliver Sykes’, ‘Twenty One Pilots’, ‘The Neighbourhood’, ‘Jesse Rutherford’, ‘Manga Art’ and ‘Inspiration’. All of these albums apply to my art in some way, and they help me become inspired. I have a lot of photos stored on here involving only that.

I notice the album ‘Selfies’ and furrow my eyebrows. I never take selfies; why is this on here? I press on the album to explore it and several photos show up of Jean. A number of them are blurry with him pulling stupid faces. I shake my head as I scroll through them. As I continue, I notice Eren appearing in a lot of them. He’s next to Jean as they both pull ridiculous expressions. Jean looks fucking horrendous, but Eren looks too cute to be real.

When did the both of them do this to my phone without me knowing? I continue scrolling through all of them, and in a few of the pictures Eren’s smiling more brightly than I’ve ever seen anyone smile. It’s absolutely breathtaking. The way his eyes crease at the sides so beautifully; he looks so full of life.

I come across a focused image of both Eren and Jean. It’s a really nice photo. It consists of the both of them smiling so widely and genuinely at the camera, and it’s honestly amazing. They look so happy, and I don’t know why, but I like it nonetheless.

Perhaps it’s the fact that Eren looks so gorgeous, that I want to keep this photo. Maybe it’s because of Jean, who looks totally and utterly joyful, that I want to keep it. Perhaps it’s both of those reasons.

I delete most of the obnoxious selfies, but keep quite a few of Eren. Most of the selfies with Jean by himself are deleted, but I can’t bring myself to delete most of the ones with Eren in them. It might seem a little strange, but he did put these photos on here, so I have full responsibility of them.

Jean texts back a little later saying he’ll meet me at 2pm at my place, and then we’ll go out. I text back a simple ‘Cool, thanks’ and then spread myself out on the couch comfortably. I go through my camera roll, only looking through the photos of Eren on there.

…

“Levi, seriously, you need to choose your own style. You just wear whatever I suggest; at least have an opinion,” Jean says, looking through the shirts and T-shirts and God knows what. I keep day dreaming and I’m not really interested, but I do need new clothes. So I’m going along with it.

I sigh quietly. “I don’t really care. Whatever you choose always looks fine anyway, so I rely on you,” I reply to him, while feeling the fabric of a black shirt. I swear I’ve bought this shirt.

“You’ve got that shirt,” Jean sighs as he comes over to check out what I’m looking at. I smirk and he rolls his eyes. Normally I’m the one doing that to him. I glance at all the clothes, none of them really catching my eye. Having a sense of style would be helpful right now. But unfortunately, I have none.

I sit down on a light wooden chair in the corner and lean on my knees as I watch Jean going through all the clothes. I would just be in the way; he knows what he’s doing. “So, you’re just going to fucking sit there while I’m choosing clothes for you? Unbelievable,” he shakes his head, “come on! I don’t even know what you need for God’s sake.”

“A couple shirts or something and a pair of pants. That’ll do. Just get me something similar to what I have; keep it simple,” I say and shoo him with my hand. He reveals his middle finger at me and disappears amongst the clothes. What a fucker.

I sit there for a few minutes, bored out of my mind. A group of three women in the skankiest fucking clothes imaginable pass by me, and keep their eyes on me the whole time they go by. What the hell is their issue? One of them pulls their dress up a bit too far up their ass, nearly exposing it and I can’t help but roll my eyes obviously.

I hate people like this who are too desperate. I see lots of different people from both genders act the way this woman did; all sleazy, and it’s honestly just so foul. Do people have no pride whatsoever? Do they not care for what they look like to other people? Is ‘hooking in with someone’ all they live for? This generation fucking sucks. 

Those women probably think they look undeniable sexy, but they don’t. They look disgusting. Some stupid men can snatch those women up, because I’m sure as hell not going to go for people like that. People who go for anyone who breathes and possess a sex organ.

There’s too many people like that in the world, and it’s sad. I pity the people who feel they have to put themselves up on display to gain any sort of attention. It’s wrong, but what can you do when this is the type of world you live in? Sure, there’s beauty. But with beauty comes chaos. What would the world be without it?

Jean comes back with a pair of black jeans in his hand. He shows the entire thing to me, and I notice a silver chain hanging a little low on the left side. There’s a few rips in the knees and I furrow my eyebrows. He picked out this?

“Hang onto this while I pick out a shirt. Those jeans look sick! Don’t you dare discard them or I’ll fucking murder you,” he says as he starts going through the selection of shirts again. I examine the jeans. They look pretty stylish, but I have no idea what ‘stylish’ is, so I can’t say shit.

He comes back with a plain black muscle shirt and tells me to go into the change rooms to try them on. The whole ensemble looks a little too much for me, but I try it on anyway. I mean, Jean did come all the way here to only benefit me, so I at least got to be a little kind to him.

I get changed in the room and look at myself in the mirror provided. I look a little younger for some reason. What I normally wear makes me look older, but right now I just look more youthful. I don’t know whether it’s a good thing I like it or not.

It’s different and I’m surprised that I actually like it quite a bit. I come out and I’m met with Jean with his white beanie; he’s always wearing those things. “It looks freaking awesome, just got to say,” he crosses his arms over his chest, “’cause damn, if I was a girl I would be melting right now.” He says and laughs. I scoff.

“Oh shut up, fucker,” I slap him across the head, but he laughs nonetheless, “you love making a fool of yourself, don’t you? Go die in a hole or something.” I say, and he chuckles. I smirk at him.

“No, I just like pissing you off. It’s my favourite past time,” Jean tells me and wraps his arm over shoulder. His face has a wide grin on it, and it reminds me instantly of the photos Eren and him took on my phone.

“Fuck you, Jean,” I say and take his arm off me to go into the change rooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever! I've been bombarded with tons of homework, and it's just too unfortunate that I'm a slow worker :( RIP
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter :) Not much was meant to happen, but I wanted this chapter to go a little bit more into depth of the characters and what they're like and stuff. I want you guys to get to know these characters really well, because I believe that's how you fall in love with them. And I would love that to happen!
> 
> I'm going to a Halloween party tomorrow and I'm dressing as Hanji :P cause I love her lots. I'll be posting pictures of my cosplay on my Instagram SnK account: justlevitrash and my personal, x.s.a.s.s.x if you would like to follow either of them :)
> 
> Bye for now!


	17. Bus Rides

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop woop- new chapter!
> 
> There hasn't been much of Eren recently, but there will be as the story progresses. After all, this IS an Ereri fanfiction.
> 
> Once again, thank you for all the comments and kudos- you have no idea how happy it makes me!
> 
> Alright, enjoy the chapter!

“Yeah, I’m going to get these,” I announce to Jean as I hang the clothes over my left arm. He thinks to himself for a moment before replying to me, and smiles ever so slightly.

“I think you should to. They’re pretty trendy for your taste; are you sure you’re going to wear them?” Jean asks with one eyebrow raised higher than the other. “I know I encourage you to buy better clothes, but is this kind of thing out of your comfort zone?” he suggests to the two shirts and two pairs of pants.

“No, I like them. They’re not that extravagant,” I say as I walk past him to go pay for them, “don’t be stupid.” I add at the end. Jean doesn’t react to it.

“Alright,” he concludes, “they suit you really well though- oh! I get it now!” he raises his voice and I turn around to frown at him. For God’s sake we’re in a public area. He has no common sense I swear. “I really, really get it. Ha! I can’t believe it!”

I shake my head at him. “What the fuck are you on about? What do you ‘really, really get’?” I put one hand in the air and use my fingers as quotation marks. “Come on, tell me.”

Jean leans down a little bit and answers me. “Are you finally ready to get fucked?” he says with a mischievous grin, and I push him away from me harshly. He laughs, but I find no humour at all in this situation. “Is that why you’re getting trendier clothes? ‘Cause you want to impress some girl or something? You know what, don’t answer, because I know I’m right.”

“No, you bloody idiot. Stop fucking assuming things- especially when they’re obviously wrong,” I say, a little frustrated of his teasing, “I shouldn’t have to explain everything I do to you anyway.” I roll my eyes at him.

“Well whatever, I was getting excited there. I really thought you were trying to appeal to girls now, after all these freaking years! Levi Ackerman- dating! Wouldn’t have thought I’d live to see the day,” Jean yells out, and I have to punch him on the arm to stop him from speaking so loud. He’s creating attention.

“And you definitely won’t after I’m done murdering you,” I threaten him a little bit, but yet again, he just laughs at me. Does this guy ever take me seriously? “I just find these clothes kind of cool, okay? Now would you stop being a brat?” I ask and he presses his mouth into a straight line.

“No, you should know that I won’t,” he says. I roll my eyes and keep walking, “you know, I think it’s about time that you lose your virginity anyway- most women like an experienced man.” I stop dead in my tracks and turn around with my mouth open. Oh my fucking God, why must he?

Why is he bringing up such a topic in a public area? Has he got no shame? Of course not, he’s Jean. “I will be the one to decide when I make such decisions like that. Oh my Lord, please just…let’s not discuss something like that here. It’s really fucking embarrassing.” I keep walking and I eventually make it to the counter.

“I’m just saying…have you got no sex drive at all? Are you even a man, or human at that?” he teases from behind me and I suddenly stop breathing. Oh, if only he knew. If only he knew I please myself to thoughts of his friend Eren constantly, or the fact that I can’t stop thinking about him, or that every time I see him I want to touch him desperately. Explore every inch of his flawless body… stare at him as he thrusts inside of me… watch him moan my name as he loses himself… everything you could think of.

If anything, I sound like a horny teenager, which frustrates me. I didn’t have a sex drive as a teen, so is it catching up with me now? Why must it? I’d rather be without it.

I don’t say a word as the person behind the counter notices me. He’s a young boy, with blonde hair long enough to be a bob. The boy’s eyes are a bright ocean colour, with nerdy-like glasses over the top of them. I’ve never seen him here before, so he must be new. He almost reminds me of a girl.

Of course he is taller than me; everyone basically is. I place the clothes on the counter and the blonde boy smiles brightly at me. He reminds me of positivity for some reason; he gives off that vibe. “Just these, thanks,” I say, and he nods his head.

He starts to scan the items and stops for a moment to comment. “Oh, these jeans are nice. Really sexy,” he tells me, and I find what he said extremely awkward, so I stay quiet, “you’re quite good looking, aren’t you? You remind me of a model girl who’s become quite popular recently.” The blonde boy says.

Again, with people finding me attractive. What on Earth do they see? ‘Cause I literally don’t see anything so ‘attractive’ about my features. It’s all my sister to be honest. “Mikasa Ackerman? I’m her brother,” I say. It’s kind of cool that people notice my sister; she deserves it. She works so hard after all.

His face lightens up a little bit more. “Yes! Her! I knew you looked familiar,” his smile is brighter than before. He’s a really cheery person, “yeah, Mikasa is beautiful. Are you a model to then?” he asks me.

Jean comes from behind and slings his arm around my shoulders. “Nope, this one isn’t about that kind of life at all. He’s an artist,” Jean tells the blonde boy and he nods his head. Jean scared the shit out of me just now; I forgot he was there.

“That’s brilliant, but what a waste! If I had your looks I would be flaunting them everywhere. I mean, you’re God damn gorgeous!” He says passionately and I find myself a little overwhelmed by his open and loud nature. He seems kind though.

“Thank you…” is all I can manage to say, since I’m so awkward when it comes to people complimenting me, “um, could you please tell me the cost for the clothes?” I ask.

He laughs to himself and apologises to me. I don’t say anything in return, and instead take out my wallet. I push Jean’s arm off me while I’m at it. The blonde boy tells me the price a few seconds later, and I hand him my money. The cost is so fucking expensive; they better last me a long time.

I hand him the money and he takes it from me. He gives me the small amount of change afterwards and I put it into my wallet. He looks down on me with a wide grin and I can’t help but avert my eyes away from him. I wish he’d stop looking at me.

“Have a nice afternoon you two,” he says as he passes me the bags of clothes, “and don’t forget to tell Mikasa she has quite a lot of fans now. I’m sure she’d like to hear that so early in her career.” He pushes his hair behind his right ear and looks at the both of us.

“I will, thanks for supporting her,” I say, a small awkward smile on my face. This guy is really friendly; it’s kind of refreshing.

Jean grabs the top of my head and ruffles it. My head goes down with the force of his hand and I use all my power to not hit him in the face for it. “You have a nice afternoon to… Armin,” Jean trails off his sentence, before regaining himself. He probably noticed his nametag. The blonde boy looks over at Jean.

“I will, goodbye,” Armin waves his hand, and the both of us leave the large clothes shop. Living in Sina is really helpful; they’ve got everything here pretty much. Not that I necessarily need much, but the city has a really nice atmosphere. It’s different to most.

Jean and I sit and wait for a bus to come by. We sit in comfortable silence, the both of us taking in the city environment. “Have you spoken to Mikasa recently? Is she doing well?” Jean asks me out of the blue, and I turn to look at him. I haven’t spoken to her in a while, but I don’t mind at all. She’s busy with her modelling, and I’m occupied with my art.

“I haven’t, but I assume she’s doing fine,” I answer him, “I’ll contact her soon, though. Maybe when she’s not busy she can come down for a few days or so, and catch up with all of us. I know Petra misses her.” I suggest and he nods slowly. Jean cares for Mikasa deeply, and I appreciate that. He’s known Mikasa for as long he’s known me, so they’re pretty close. Not to mention, they both dated once.

That was a weird time, but I tend not to think about it. “I know Petra does. Farlan and I do to,” Jean tells me, looking far off into the distance, “her work is coming along brilliantly; I can tell. I’ve seen her photo in a few magazines and she looks incredible. I always wonder why you won’t become a model.” He turns his eyes to me and grins.

I roll my eyes, and he must have noticed because he chuckles. “No, no we are not doing this again. I’ve told you time and time again that I won’t ever do it,” I tell him with a frown on my face. Why won’t he just leave the subject alone?

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I won’t bring it up again,” Jean apologises with a small smile on his stupid face, “Eren has a little over a week until he has to go back home. I’m going to miss that dancer boy; I wish he’d move closer to this area.” Jean changes the subject to Eren, and my attention is immediately caught.

“Why doesn’t he?” I question him. “The dance studio Krista and him practice in is closer to where we live, isn’t it? I mean, he lives on the other side of the city.” I tell him and he nods his head.

“Well, he lives with his dad at the moment, and his place is quite far from here. He would move, but he doesn’t have enough money to fully support himself yet. His dad is helping him, and he feels bad for leaning on his dad for money, but he really loves Eren,” Jean informs me, “he knows that Eren is practising hard so that he can perform to audiences one day, or something like that. So he’s helping him for the time being. As for the dance studio, well, it’s the only place they can practice in. Krista is his teacher as well as his partner. It’s been like that for a few years.”

I didn’t know that Krista was more experienced than Eren; I thought it was the other way around. Krista’s dancing is just as spectacular as Eren’s, so I didn’t really see a difference experience-wise. “Oh, I see,” I say, looking down at the cement floor, “Eren is really good at salsa, I’m sure he’ll become successful soon.” I comment.

“Yeah, he is good,” Jean agrees with me, “Eren’s a great guy, isn’t he? You get pretty attached to him fast; that’s the kind of person he is. Do you get along with him alright?” he asks me with a neutral expression and his head slightly tilted.

Oh, if he knew the shit that was going down the other day in his home, he would most likely get the idea pretty quick. “Yeah, I do. I like Eren,” I say the words without thinking. Those words mean a lot more to me than anyone knows, and I have a little bit of a tough time accepting that fact.

“I’m glad you do,” Jean says with a wide smile, and before the both of us know it, a public bus arrives where we are seated. We get onto the bus and sit down next to each other.

A few minutes into the ride, I feel something heavy land on my shoulder and it makes me jump. I look to the side to see Jean’s head resting on my shoulder, his mouth open as he sleeps. It’s not a pretty sight.

Despite how frustrating it is that he’s sleeping on me, I don’t push him away from me. Instead I let my best friend- the idiot- rest on my shoulder for the entirety of the bus ride as I sit there, daydreaming of a particular tanned boy dancing away.


	18. Bed Hair

I’m fully convinced that I’m mad at this point; absolutely bloody mental. There’s no doubt about it. I’m such a cretin, aren’t I? I mean, what kind of human stares at their camera roll photos for hours on end? ‘Hours’ is a bit of an exaggeration, but well, you might as well say that.

I haven’t been able to take my eyes off my phone because of all the photos stored on there- specifically the ones where Eren is shown in them. I’ve been looking at them like a creep, but I’m unable to stop myself.

I mean, how could I? Eren is so beautiful, and he looks absolutely glowing in all the photographs. How could one not stare at them? Either that, or I’m fucking mental. Most likely the latter.

I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with them, but they give me a sense of happiness whenever I see them on my phone. Which is nearly every three hours or so. God, I need help. I can’t help myself admiring Eren: his fucking gorgeous, radiant smile, his incredible titan green eyes- his entire face in general. Not to mention, his body is undeniably sexy. Everything about him is flawless. I can’t help but admire him.

I’m an artist, and artists appreciate beauty and try to discover their aesthetic. You can’t blame me for being like this towards Eren, who’s the definition of perfection physically. Who am I kidding? I know very well that my behaviour is strange.

The one photograph that catches my eyes the most is a black and white picture of Eren and Jean- where Eren is taking the picture- and they’re both laughing so genuinely. It’s such a positive photo, and it makes me happy. Really happy, for some odd reason. I don’t care why, it just does.

It’s now the lock screen on my phone. Before I had a picture of Jesse Rutherford from The Neighbourhood there, but I like the picture of Eren and Jean much better. It’s really beautiful. They won’t be able to see it’s my lock screen anyway, because I will not allow them to get anywhere near my phone. If Jean saw this, he wouldn’t be able to leave me alone. This is something personal to me and he will never find out. Or Eren.

I’m caught out of my trance when I see a notification appear on my screen. I press it without knowing what it is, and I’m brought to the messenger app. It’s a message from Jean, and with it is an image attached. It’s a picture of Eren, wearing no shirt and only long, loose pants. His hair is humorous, as it’s sticking up in random places. Eren’s expression is lazy and sleepy, and it’s so cute.

The caption along with it says, ‘Look at this! His hair is fucking everywhere xD I thought your bed-head was bad lol’. I frown a little at the message. My hair when I wake up in the morning isn’t that bad.

Jean sends me another message before I get the chance to reply, and I’m met with an image. It’s Eren again, but this time he looks unimpressed. He’s got a frown on his face with his middle finger pointed at the camera. I guess he wasn’t too happy about Jean taking a photo of him. I don’t blame Eren; I wouldn’t be happy either.

Despite the unfriendliness of the photo, he still looks cute. Just too adorable for words. I don’t know how he manages to do that.

I text back a reply quickly, saying, ‘Oi, leave Eren alone’. Then right under it I text, ‘Kidding, piss him off more, it’s funny’. I smirk to myself. And I thought Jean was the asshole out of the two of us. We’re probably both the assholes. I feel a little sorry for the people who have to deal with us- only a little.

I don’t receive a reply from Jean, instead his Caller ID shows up. ‘Jean is Sexy’ is still his contact name on my phone; I need to remember to change that soon. I answer on the first ring and put the phone to my ear. Why is he calling me right now? Is he just bored?

The call connects and I’m greeted with a loud, ‘Hi!’ from Jean. It’s so loud in fact that I have to move the phone away from my ear. Why the fuck is he so rowdy early in the morning?

Jean doesn’t give me the opportunity to say anything back, instead he speaks right after his loud greeting. “Heeeey, Eren. Say hi to Levi; he’s on the phone right now,” Jean’s voice is quieter as he moves his attention over to Eren. I suddenly get a little nervous and clutch my right leg tightly.

There’s a long silence that follows after, but then I hear Eren say something. “Fuck off, Jean,” is all he says, in an unimpressed tone. Jean starts laughing a little while after, and I find myself chuckling as well. I’m in a good mood today.

I suppose Eren is the type to be in a really bad mood in the morning; I tend to be the same. Though, I am literally such a dickhead it’s not even funny. Jean hates me in the mornings. “Hi Eren,” I say into the phone, thinking he can hear me. I haven’t heard his voice in a little while; I miss it.

“Morning Levi,” I hear him say from a distance. His voice is much happier than before, and I can’t help but selfishly think that’s because he’s talking to me. Of course it isn’t, I’m acting like an idiot.

It’s all his fault that I’m thinking such things. If he hadn’t touched me the way he did a couple of days ago back at Jean’s place, I wouldn’t be acting the way I am. I’m not sure what Eren was doing back then, but it has to mean something. He couldn’t have touched me so affectionately with no meaning behind it; it just doesn’t make any sense that way.

If Eren does like me, what am I prepared to do with that information? I’m not ready to get in a relationship- especially with a man- at this stage. I’m perfectly comfortable admiring him from afar. What would we even do together? It’s a stupid question, but we know absolutely nothing about each other. I don’t want to step into something without having some control; that’s not how I do things.

On top of all of that, I’m not that comfortable to suddenly get into a relationship with a male. I don’t go with the flow so easily- I have accepted myself a great deal because of Ymir, but I don’t need to push myself. I have time, and I’m still young.

“Why are you so nice to Levi, but such a dickhead to me? Is it just because he’s hotter than me?” Jean says to Eren, and I listen in closely. I widen my eyes and tell him to shut up through the phone. I wish he would stop talking about my looks; I’m seriously not a big deal!

“Probably,” Eren says, and I feel my face heat up a little bit. Oh God, I’m such a little girl. Why did he have to say that? It’s fucking embarrassing.

“Hah! I knew it. You frickin’ asshole! Come here so I can punch your head in,” Jean says playfully, and on the other end of the call I can hear a loud ‘clunk’- probably signalling that Jean has dropped the phone somewhere. I still listen in to them, with a nonchalant expression on my face.

I hear their voices from a distance, as well as the sound of movement. “Jean! You bastard, get off me!” Eren’s cry is loud and agitated, but it’s then followed by a laugh. A beautiful one at that.

Jean laughs with him. “That’s what you get for liking Levi more than me. Go die in a hole,” he says to Eren, and Eren laughs out loud again. He must be used to Jean’s harsh-like humour like I am.

Jean’s voice is much clearer as he speaks to me; he must have picked up the phone. “Hi, back again,” he starts off, “so…fuck. Hang on, what was I going to say again? Oh yeah! Uh, since we really haven’t done anything since Eren’s been here, in a couple of days or so do you all want to go to a real nice bar or something? By ‘all’ I mean Farlan and Petra to. Maybe even that Krista chick Eren dances with, if she wants to come. You know, so we can all get to know them and shit? It’ll be fun. I’ll pick a bar that has live music as well.” He proposes.

It would be fun, and we always have a great time when we’re out. Seeing Krista again would be cool; she seems like a really nice girl. Besides, this is an opportunity to get to know Eren a little better. Mixed in with live music as well- it will be good for me. Maybe some inspiration will strike me. You never know.

“Yeah, that would be cool. Text me details soon?” I agree to his proposal as I run my left hand through my hair once. Jean says he will text me tomorrow about it, and we both end the call without saying ‘goodbye’ to each other. It’s always the same with us.

Since I’m here, I might as well call Mikasa. If she doesn’t answer, it’s no big deal. She’ll get my voicemail message or something letting her know I called. I’m just worried of interrupting anything important. Last time I called, she was speaking to her boss, and he/she wasn’t happy that Mikasa’s phone was ringing. They’re a bunch of uptight people- the ones she’s working with- but there isn’t much she can do about it.

I call her, and she surprisingly answers pretty quickly. “Hi, this is Mikasa,” she says all too formally. She’s not usually this ‘formal’ with me.

“Hi Mikasa, it’s Levi,” I answer her, while I cross one leg over the other. I hear her chuckle to herself and I wonder what the hell she finds so funny. Is there someone else with her at the moment? Maybe I shouldn’t have called.

“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t check the Caller ID. I haven’t heard your voice in a while, how are you doing?” she asks me through the phone, but I can’t really find words to describe ‘how I’m doing’. I’m doing the same, the difference is just how I’m feeling. Though I’m not sure what I’m feeling anymore.

“I’m doing fine; same as usual. How are you? Is your career coming along well?” I ask her, interested in how she is. I miss Mikasa quite a bit. She’s my sister, and she’s always stuck by me even through my worst phase. She’s never turned her back on me and I love her so much. For that, and many other reasons.

“I’m great, actually. And yes, my modelling is coming along spectacularly! Lots of people really want me to model in their magazines, and it’s fantastic. I’m blessed, honestly,” Mikasa sounds happy as she talks into the phone, “it’s funny, because I showed a picture of you to my agent and she really wanted you in the business. Too bad I told her you weren’t interested at all. I know you well enough, you would hate to model.”

She’s right in saying I would hate it, though I don’t really appreciate her showing photos of me to strangers. “I have a few days off work starting tomorrow, and I couldn’t tell you how much I need this break. It’s been constant work for weeks and weeks, but it’s all worth it. I love my job,” she tells me, “how is everyone at home? Jean, Farlan, Petra? I miss them so much.” I hear the sad tone in her voice as she speaks of them.

“They’re all well, I’ll let them know you checked in,” I tell her, “hey, since you have a few days of freedom, why don’t you come down home? Jean invited his friend, Eren, over for two weeks and all of us were going to go down somewhere nice for the evening. Petra, Farlan and Jean all miss you, and I do to. It would be an opportunity to catch up with them.”

There’s a short silence on the phone before I hear her reply. “Actually, that would be lovely. Text me details soon because I have a few things I need to do in the midst of all that, yeah?” Mikasa says. “I will definitely find time for it, though. Talk to you later? I have to go to work now.”

“Yeah, sure, talk to you later. Bye,” I say, in a rushed tone. Mikasa says her farewell to me and ends the call before I even have a chance to. I lay down on the couch and stare at the ceiling with my arms resting on my stomach.

I’m really fucking nervous to see Eren again, but then yet again a little excited at the same time. Having lots of people there will help my confidence in talking to him quite a bit, but I know when I see him again my knees will go weak. His pure existence is toxic, and I don’t know if it’s only affecting me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, some Ereri shit will go down soon. About time, to xD I'm really thirsty to write some juicy stuff, and we're getting there. Juicy stuff? I don't even know.
> 
> I'm aiming to get at least 50 chapters in this book, but we'll just see how this book turns out and if y'all enjoy it enough or not :) Hope you liked this chapter, anyway.
> 
> See you :D


	19. Little Black Dress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've received some beautiful comments this week and they've made me so extraordinarily happy! I was tearing up on my way to school reading them, just thinking about how people actually enjoy my work and take the time to tell me how much they like it and what they like about it.
> 
> I'm so, so, so happy. You have no idea! :)
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

“Whoa! Look at you! I haven’t seen you wear anything like that since, well, come to think of it- never. It really suits you,” Mikasa compliments me on the clothes that Jean picked out for me days ago. I look down at myself with my arms open, and seem unsure of myself.

“I don’t know. I liked it when I bought it, but I’m not sure now. Do you think it’s too much?” I ask her, looking at her with a frown on my face. I don’t know why I’m feeling so insecure and picky all of a sudden; this has never really been the case. Though, annoyingly enough, it may have a bit to do with Eren. Just a tad.

Mikasa walks over to me, her heels clanking loudly on the floor, and puts both of her hands on my face. Her hands are squashing my cheeks together, making me look childish. “Levi, really, you need to shut the fuck up. Stop feeling so unsure; you look great!” she says as she looks directly into my eyes, and I swat her hands away with my own.

She hasn’t changed at all since the last time I saw her. Though, to be honest, why would she change? She’s always been exactly the same since forever. What would make this girl decide to be any different? “Get off me,” I say, pouting ever so slightly, “you don’t need the heels, you’re already taller than me without them.” I point at them, looking down.

Mikasa laughs at my remark and pats my head like a dog mockingly. She still treats me the same as always. “I am, aren’t I?” she tries to conceal her laugh, and I swat her hand again. “What did happen to your growth? Mum wasn’t the tallest, sure, but I’m still taller than you. I don’t remember dad being tall, so that’s where you must have got that gene from.” She puts her hand to her face as she thinks.

“I don’t know, but it’s fucking annoying. I’m always being looked down upon, and though I’m used to it, it still ticks me off,” I tell her, and cross my arms over my chest, “you know, that’s why I have an attitude. Just so I can get rid of certain pricks.” I put my lips into a thin line and look as she smiles at me.

“Hey, lots of guys go for a shorter man,” Mikasa winks at me playfully and laughs. I honestly wish she would just stop, “you’ll never run out of dick.” After she says that, she bursts out laughing while I look horrified and embarrassed. I push her gently and she punches my arm playfully. We’re alike in that she shows affection physically like that.

“I hate you, so much,” I feel my face heat up fast as I say the words, “you have no idea what sex I prefer, though I don’t have to tell you shit. Does it even matter? Let’s change the topic.” I choose not to lie to her, and tell her the absolute truth: I have no idea what sexuality I am.

Mikasa tilts her head. “Whatever, I was just teasing you. I’ll just put a little makeup on and then we’ll leave, okay? Be right back,” she walks out of the room with those obnoxious heels and I lean against the wall as I wait for her.

Mikasa arrived at my place just yesterday afternoon, and I have to admit, I was quite excited to see her. I’ve missed her so much, and she’s missed me to. The second I opened the door, she jumped onto me to give me a hug before I even had the chance to greet her. It was alarming, but I did miss her hugs, so I hugged her back. It felt so normal and welcoming.

I let Jean know the other day that Mikasa would be coming to the bar with us, so all of them know she’s come to visit. He seemed pretty happy on the phone when I told him; I can only imagine Petra’s reaction. She’s so fond of my sister, and it’s nice to see that.

It’s late in the afternoon, almost the evening right now, and we’re going to a really exquisite bar in a few minutes or so. Jean picked it out. Neither of us have been there before, but that’s because it’s quite expensive. He sent me pictures of the place over the phone and it looks fantastic; really classy. I love places like that, but I don’t visit them as much as I want to. It’s simply too costly.

I haven’t had a good bottle of alcohol either; it’s been too long. I miss the taste of the good shit. The burn, the aftertaste, every bit of it. It’ll be refreshing to have some tonight, since it is an occasion. Though, I don’t think I should drink a whole lot, because I have a feeling Mikasa will. But maybe since she’s modelling now, she can’t have any alcohol? I wonder.

I walk into my room to grab my black leather jacket, and I place a silver chain around my neck to add a bit of light colouring to my clothes. After all, the whole ensemble is black. After that, I walk back out to see Mikasa sitting on the couch’s arm rest, and she gets up from it the moment she sees me appear.

There isn’t a lot of makeup on her face; just a thin line of black eyeliner around her eyes and a bit of lipstick. She doesn’t need much anyway. She’s dressed in all-black as well, but the difference is she’s wearing a dress. It reaches to the middle of her thighs and the neckline is circular. Above her bust there are little shapes cut out of it stylishly. It’s a pretty dress.

“Let’s go,” Mikasa gives me a small smile as she says the words and walks to the front door to open it. I hold it open for her as she steps out, and I follow after her. I lock the door with the house key and put it in my pocket.

I walk beside Mikasa on the pavement with my hands in my pockets, and I can hear the occasional jingle of her bracelet as we continue ahead. The both of us reach a bus stop and sit down on the seats provided. “So, who’s going to be at the bar with us again? I don’t remember the names of a few of them…” she asks, as she tilts her head to the side.

“There will be me, Jean, you, Petra, Farlan, Jean’s friend Eren and Eren’s dance partner Krista. Quite a few of us,” I answer her, rubbing my hands together to create some form of warmth on my cold hands.

Mikasa nods her head. “I’ve never met Eren. What’s he like? I only know that he’s a Salsa dancer who dances with that Krista, who I have never met either. Have you met either of them?” she asks me, as I stare out into the distance, barely concentrating. The mention of Eren perked me up however.

“Yeah, I’ve met them both. They’re really nice people. They’re dancing is brilliant also; one day you have to see them dance. You’ll be mesmerised,” I turn my head to look her in the eyes. It’s been a little while since I’ve seen Eren’s dancing; I want to see it again. It’s just so fantastic.

Mikasa suddenly smiles. “Is Eren hot?” she asks, and I frown at her. “Oh come on! Is he good-looking? How about Krista, is she pretty? Are the two of them dating?” she pushes and pushes me for an answer, but I look unimpressed at her.

I finally give up and reply to her obnoxious questions. “Does it really matter, Mikasa? You’ll see for yourself when we get there,” I say in a frustrated tone, though I don’t get why. Why am I ticked off?

“No, it doesn’t particularly matter, I was just asking. You have the address, don’t you?” she moves closer to me to grab my phone from my pocket, and I’m unfortunately a second too late to grab it back from her. I start to panic a little; I get weird when people touch my phone. It’s just a thing.

Mikasa moves back to get out of my reach and a let out a sigh of frustration. She presses the home button with her front facing me, and I notice her face twist in confusion as she looks at my lock screen. Is she looking at my lock screen? Is it the photo of Jean and Eren?

She shows me the front of the phone and my thoughts are confirmed: it’s the photo of Jean and Eren I love so much. I didn’t want anyone to see it, especially Jean and Eren themselves. “Who’s the guy next to Jean? I’ve never seen him before in my life,” Mikasa points to the tanned man and I look away from my phone, “come on, who is it?”

“It’s Eren,” I say to her, and she widens her eyes, “what?” I ask her, in that pissed off tone again. Why am I sounding like an asshole right now? I have absolutely no reason to be. Fucking hell, I’m a brat.

“It’s just…” she pauses for a moment, and I look confusedly at her this time, “it’s just he’s so fucking hot! Oh my God, he’s delicious. He better not be dating Krista.” She laughs out loud at herself as she looks at the screen. I feel myself become more irritable and I can’t help but clench my fists. Why am I acting like this?

I roll my eyes. “Whatever, just don’t do anything weird, and don’t try to hook up with him or something. Let’s keep it friendly, yeah?” my tone is still frustrated as I speak to her, and she rolls her eyes at me like I did to her. I sometimes forget that we’re alike in so many ways despite our many differences.

“I won’t! Jesus, who do you think I am?” she asks, and I turn to her to see a slight pout on her fair face. I decide not to answer her. “He must mean quite a bit to you if you have him on your lock screen. How long have you known him?” she asks more intruding questions, and I find myself a little panicky.

I look everywhere else but at her. “Um… a little while. He’s a good guy and we’re relatively good friends. I just…um… really liked the photo is all,” I say, feeling my face heat up a bit, “you’re always making fun of me for having band members on there, so what’s the problem?” I insert my hands into my pockets.

“There’s no problem! It’s just very cute and unlike you to have a photo of your friends on your phone. You’re not really the typical type of friend,” Mikasa tells me as I see a bus approaching us. Oh fucking finally, I was about to run away from here in exactly a minute if it didn’t arrive.

She hands me back my phone. I don’t reply to her comment, and instead get onto the bus as she follows behind. The clanking of her heels are louder on the bus steps and I almost call her out on it, but that’d only piss her off, so I don’t bother. Though it’s very tempting.

I sit down on a random seat and Mikasa sits right beside me. Some of the people sitting around us stare at her for a little too long, and I hear faint whispers from individuals saying how ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’ she is. I hear one guy opposite us make a remark to another man beside him. “Oh man, her tits are great,” the filthy guy says, and I lift my head up at him the moment I hear it.

I give him a threatening look and my middle finger without Mikasa noticing, and the expressions of the two disgusting men fall immediately. They both turn their attention to their phones and I adjust myself on the seat. Mikasa fiddles with her perfectly manicured nails in the remainder of the bus ride.

I find myself getting more nervous each minute we’re closer to seeing Eren, and I can’t help but think it’s going to be one interesting night.


	20. Red Wine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I didn't update last week! I had to study for exams, which killed me, but they're all over so hopefully I can be more frequent with my updates :)
> 
> The comments you guys write for me continue to amaze me; I do not deserve any of them, but I thank you all so much.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter :)

Oh my fucking God. We’re here.

We’re actually fucking here. Why am I freaking out? Well, that’s because of one reason and one reason only: Eren Jaeger.

I shouldn’t be like this because of him. I tell myself over and over I shouldn’t, but then I make up excuses for myself, saying I can’t help it. I bloody well can, I’m just being a bitch about it. How can one person make you feel absolutely weak at the knees, so vulnerable at their mere existence? No one. It just doesn’t happen. Unless you’re a fucking drama queen, which I am definitely not.

Mikasa’s heels clank along beside me noisily, but it doesn’t annoy me as much as before. I feel almost numb; my heart is beating intensely and I almost feel frightened. I shouldn’t be, but I am anyway. Fucking hell.

I open the glass door of the giant bar that we’re just about to enter, and I’m met with an amazing sight. It’s really spectacular in here. One side of the bar has a wall of red bricks, with a few glass doors that lead outside. There are only a couple of windows, with a circular top like an arch. The floor is a smooth, glossed-over light shade of brown wood, and there are numerous bar stools made out of wood that match with it. The bar extends far, in a semi-circular way, and the lights above make the material of the bar stand out brilliantly. There are tables that cover the rest of the huge bar area, and you can see so clearly the glistening shine of the alcohol bottles against the yellow light. It’s classic, and it makes me want to visit more places like this. Structures like this are pleasing to the eye.

Mikasa looks around the area as well, but she isn’t as mesmerised as I am. The thing with her is that she doesn’t really care for the beauty of structures like this, she’s more about the physical beauty of people. I’m very intrigued by both equally.

She walks ahead of me, but I don’t really notice as I stare at my surroundings. It’s quite brilliant. I walk forward slowly, taking in every detail. Before not too long, I hear the loud voice of an idiot, and that’s how I know Jean is already here. I walk over with my hands clenched by my sides loosely, and I notice Mikasa hugging Jean before my eyes.

She moves on quickly, saying a warm ‘hello’ to all of them; Jean, Petra and Farlan. Petra is wearing a pretty, silky red dress with light-shaded black stockings. Her hair is tied up in a stylish bun, and I wonder then when it was the last time I saw her hair up. She looks very pretty as always. Farlan has gone simple, wearing a white collared shirt and black dress pants- but the clothes suit him well. Jean has gone for a black long-sleeved shirt with a loose, silky-like red scarf, matched with tight black jeans. He looks quite different to how he usually dresses.

I spot two people behind the small group, a man with brown hair and a smaller woman with blonde hair. I recognise them immediately as Eren and his dance partner, Krista. Eren is talking away animatedly to her, with his masculine hands delicately swishing a glass of deep-red liquid. He laughs at her, but it only takes him a moment to realise I’m here. When he does see me, he stops laughing, and instead gives me a small smile. I don’t know whether to call it that or not.

I return his smile with a poor excuse of a wave, and an awkward smile I can’t seem to get off my face. Jesus Christ, it’s only the beginning and I’m being a total idiot already. God help me.

I notice the clothes Eren’s wearing, and I immediately swoon. How? How can he be so fucking flawless? It’s just not possible. The slimming black shirt with ¾ sleeve length works so well on him; especially on his body shape. Of course he would have a brilliant body: he’s a dancer. Black jeans with a silver belt blend in with the shirt, and at this moment, I want nothing more than just having the opportunity to look at him like this. So sexy, just so perfect.

I don’t even care that I’m thinking all of this right now; I really just don’t give a fuck. I’m quite sick of questioning every little thought I have about him; it’s tiring and exhausting. Why can’t I think what I want to think? What the hell is holding me back? Nothing, absolutely nothing.

I drink him in completely with my eyes, and for some reason, he’s staring right back at me. Is he looking at me the same way I am? Is it possible that he’s perhaps having the same thoughts? Not a chance. Why do I get my hopes up like that? And why am I so desperate?

Eren’s looking at me intensely, and my head can’t seem to turn away from his beautiful eyes. I’m lost, completely lost, and I’m not sure I want to escape that anytime soon.  
Krista turns her body around to look at the direction Eren is looking in, and I see her blue eyes come into contact with mine. A smile forms on her face, and she waves at me with enthusiasm. Eren decided to break eye contact with me the moment she noticed I was here.

He gets off his chair to walk over to me, and I feel my heart rate speed up for the millionth time since I’ve met this brown-haired, beautiful-eyed dancer boy. “Hi Levi,” he greets smoothly as he looks down on me. God damn him for being taller than me; it makes me seem vulnerable.

“Hi,” I say back, trying to not appear awkward at all, though I feel quite the opposite. He doesn’t say anything to me, instead he looks down at my face with a smirk pulling at his face. I want to know what he’s thinking. What does he think when he looks down at me? Does he think weird things like I do? I want to know so badly.

“Levi, take a seat already, otherwise none will be left for you,” Jean cuts into the atmosphere Eren and I have created between each other, “just drink, relax and enjoy the live music. Don’t drink too much though, Mikasa won’t want to be taking care of your ass the way home.” He sits down on his bar stool.

“Yeah, I really don’t,” Mikasa pops her head out to the side so she’s able to be seen behind Jean, “be reasonable tonight.” I roll my eyes at the both of them and cross my arms in frustration. Like the two of them can talk.

“Oh my God, you two, who do you think I am? I don’t get drunk often, you should know this. Say one more thing about my drinking and I will slap you both,” I threaten them by showing both my hands flat-out.

The both of them laugh like a pair of dickheads and I roll my eyes again at them. Whenever Jean is with Mikasa, the two of them gang up on me relentlessly. I don’t understand why, but perhaps they find it amusing to get a reaction out of me. They’re like a couple of children, to be honest. But I don’t know what I’d do without those fucking idiots.  
All of them are seated against the bar, and I find no space for me to sit. The only spot is next to Eren, where he is seated next to Krista. I don’t think he’ll want me sitting next to him; I mean, we barely know each other, so it’s bound to be awkward even a little bit the entire time. Ugh, why the fuck didn’t I choose to sit down earlier? All because I was staring at Eren. Bad mistake.

I sit down there anyway, with hesitation I might add. I shouldn’t be so skittish, it’s not like I know nothing about this guy. People make friends all the time; it should be simple. Though I’m probably the worst when it comes to getting to know people. It’s a miracle I have friends in the first place.

“What would you like to drink?” the woman behind the bar asks me, whilst looking at me with a kind smile. The woman has her blonde hair tied up into a bun with a few strands framing her face. She’s quite pretty and seems friendly.

“Um…” I say, not really thinking about it. My mind at the moment is overtaken by Eren and so I can’t come up with a response in time. I have no idea what the hell I want to drink anyway. I see what Eren is drinking, and I point at it, “could I get what he’s having?” I tell her, and she nods her head. I just went for something random.

“Are you a wine drinker? I’m quite a big one myself,” the man’s voice next to me says, and for some reason, it resonates right through me. I love Eren’s voice.

I look to the side and see him looking at me with a lazy smile. The wine glass in his hand is nearly empty, and he continuously keeps swirling the remainder of the red liquid with his hands. “Yeah, I drink it sometimes,” I inform him and nods his head and takes a sip. Wow, how can watching him drink appear so sexy? What’s wrong with me for God’s sake?

“They don’t supply many different brands here, but this is still very good. I’m not allowed to drink much since it can make me bloat- same goes for Krista- so this is a very special occasion. Do you drink often?” he asks me, just as a glass of red wine is passed over to me by the blonde woman. I thank her with a smile.

I answer him. “No, but every now and again I do. I don’t normally drink rich alcohol, though I do have a bad habit of smoking sometimes,” I tell him as I take a sip of the wine. It’s strong, very strong, but it’s fucking good, “I only have one or two a week. I’m not very keen on it, but it helps me relax.” Why on Earth am I discussing this with him?

“Really? Huh,” he says, with no recognisable emotion behind it, “I bet you look sexy when you smoke.” His voice is laced with something, something like lust, as he says the words. I nearly drop the glass on me, but I stop myself from doing that by quickly putting it on the bar.

I place one hand over my mouth in embarrassment, and he can clearly see it as he watches me. No, no, no I don’t want to be here. Why did he say that? I’m fucking as red as a tomato right now because of him. Why does he say things like that to me so casually? I just don’t understand.

“What…what are you doing?” I ask him, my face contorted in confusion and embarrassment all at once. If I don’t ask him what I need to ask, how am I ever going to find answers to his behaviour towards me? Like, why he flirts with me so much? Why he touched me like he did back at Jean’s place?

“What do you mean?” he says, with a face full of bullshit. I know he knows what he’s doing to me, I just wish he would tell me why. Is it because he’s noticed how I react to him, and he wants to fuck with me a little? Is he even interested in me in the slightest? Or does he just want to mess me? “I’m just drinking, baby.”

Again with that nickname. Every time he says it my heart stops. “Eren, slow down on the drinks!” Krista, who was talking to the others beforehand, tells her dance partner off. “You know you can’t handle them very well, just chill.” She says, and takes the drink away from him.

“Okay, mum,” Eren says with a small smile. Jean and Farlan laugh at him, but Krista seems unamused and rolls her eyes at Eren, “don’t worry, I’m sensible.” He adds after she turns her head away from him.

This is going to be a long night for sure.


	21. Intoxication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated early! Woo! I was so overcome with joy that I was in the best mood to write another chapter for you guys xD I say this all the time, but I'm very grateful!
> 
> This chapter was one of the best to write for me, I hope you enjoy it.

“Jean! Pass me another fucking drink, would you?” I slur the words as I lay my head on the bar table, with a very relaxed expression. This bar is very smooth against my face; cold, yet somehow soothing at the same time. Yeah, I may be a tad drunk.

Jean looks over to me from his seat with his eyebrows raised. He’s definitely not very impressed with me, but I really don’t give a fuck. “You little runt, I’m not a bartender,” he says to me across the bar, drawing the attention of everyone in between. Which is everyone, “you said you wouldn’t get drunk, but look at you! You’re wasted as shit.” He points out to me.

I groan loudly like an immature brat, but for some reason I honestly don’t care. Right now I feel like I could do anything, and I’m not the type to be spontaneous. Yes, I drank a little too much, but I’m trying to relax myself. I’m out and about, why shouldn’t I have a little fun?

“Having a good time there?” Krista lifts the hair from my eyes so she can see my face. I pout, like an idiot, and she giggles at my expression. “You’re so amusing when you’re drunk, perhaps I should hang out with you more often.” She smiles down at me.

“You really wouldn’t want to, I’m an absolute fucking bore, believe me,” I get up off the bar table with maximum effort (okay, well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration) and take the last sip from my red wine. I had too much of this.

“I don’t think you would be. I mean, Eren seems to enjoy your company; he told me that he thought you were an interesting guy,” she sips from her glass, and shrugs her fair shoulders. They’re exposed because of the dress, “and not to mention, I think you’re quite decent.” She tells me. Am I meant to take that as a compliment or what?

I look down into my empty glass and sway it a few times with my right hand. “Eren said that, did he? Are you sure you’re not confusing me with my sister?” I say with a hint of a sour tone, and she looks at me confusedly. I point behind her to a small table where Eren and Mikasa are seated.

The both of them are chatting away to each other, with fucking dandy smiles on their stupid faces. No, wait, Eren would never have a stupid face. Mikasa could, but not Eren. He’s too perfect. My sister looks so bloody happy and flirty with him, and he looks exactly the same. Why the fuck does that bother me so much?

I put my hands into my face for a moment to try and gather my thoughts, but they’re running around everywhere, and the fact that I’m drunk doesn’t help at all. I sigh. Looking at the both of them being so talkative and shit pisses me off so much. They look like a couple from a stranger’s point of view…I wish they would stop. I’m aggravated and it’s totally ruining my mood.

“What are you talking about, Levi?” she laughs with that innocently-confused expression of hers. I’m talking like I know her; I know shit all. “Hey, come to think of it, Mikasa looks really fond of Eren. He’s always been able to attract women easily.” She tells me, and I can’t help but pout more.

I wish she would stop talking to be honest, but I’m not that insensitive to tell her, even when I’m drunk off my fucking ass. The reason I’m this drunk is unknown to me; I wish I could have better control over my actions.

“Yeah, they’re getting real cosy,” I say, trying to take away the sourness in my voice a little bit, “fucking hell.” I add at the end in a soft voice, soft enough that I’m the only one able to hear my curse.

Mikasa bursts out in laughter suddenly, and that catches my attention immediately. Her head is thrown back, and then put back so that’s she facing Eren with that flirtatious smile of hers. I wish she would fuck off.

Wow. Wow, I’m really irritated right now. Not just that, I’m fucking jealous as shit. I hate to admit it to myself, but oh Jesus, I’m really jealous. My sister has got all of Eren’s attention, and I’m somewhat angry because of that. Why am I acting like this? I really need to calm down. They’re not doing any harm; they’re just talking. I’ve got no reason to be jealous solely because of that.

People talk all the time; they’re just being friendly. So why then are they over there, away from all of us? Like they’re telling each other little dirty secrets…

I need to stop. This is really immature and I’m being a total brat right now. I shouldn’t be mad at Mikasa, she’s done no wrong. I’m just being a jealous prick, is all. Though I’d rather she stay away from Eren. Men fall easily for her, and he is the last one I want falling for her. It’s so obvious I like Eren, but it isn’t fair that I mostly feel attracted to him sexually. To maintain a healthy relationship, you must be in love with them. Isn’t that how it works? If it does, I know for sure I’m not in love with Eren.

So I have no reason to be thinking these horrible, selfish things. Though I think of them anyway. I’m quite drunk, tired and I desperately need a cigarette to calm myself down. I’m not having the fun, carefree night I wanted.

Krista has turned her attention to the group and has completely ignored me. That’s fine, I really don’t want to talk to anyone anyway. I just want to lay in my own emotional and drunk mess for the remainder of the night. Well, it’s not that I want to, it’s just what the alcohol has forced me to do.

I continue watching the two of them from a far, my expression nonchalant and unreadable. None of them have noticed me; they’re too busy chatting and gossiping away at each other. Of course they are, I mean, if you really look at them, they seem perfect together. A beautiful dancer boy and a gorgeous model? Yeah, the compatibility is high. Why would you like an artist when you can have a model?

Jesus fucking Christ, I’m making myself miserable. I need to stop.

For some reason beyond me, I get off the bar stool. I walk in the direction of where Eren and Mikasa are sat, and the both of them notice my appearance when I arrive at their table. What am I doing?

“Levi, hey. What are you doing over here? You look fucking tired,” Mikasa squints her eyes at me as if she’s trying to spot something out on me, “wait, don’t tell me, you’re drunk. You are, aren’t you?” she says as she sighs a little. I lean my hand on her chair to keep myself stable.

“And what if I am? It doesn’t matter. I’m just having fun like I planned to tonight. Is that such a crime?” I tell her, as I look straight into her eyes with the most unamused face I’ve used. I’m not particularly in the best mood at the moment.

“Well whatever, I knew in the back of my mind somewhere you’d end up like this tonight,” she tells me with a small smile. Oh? So she doesn’t care that I’m drunk off my ass? Good, because I’m in no mood for little sister criticism tonight, “I saw you getting pretty cosy with that blondie Krista just earlier. You interested in her?” Mikasa leans her head further towards me to ask the question. Eren’s attention is suddenly on me.

Eren can obviously hear every word she is saying. Why is she asking me such a thing in front of him? Does she have no boundaries? “No! No, I’m not. She’s a good person but no, I’m not interested at all,” I say, a little bit of shock evident in my features. I act a little strange when I’m drunk. Eren, who is seated across from me, chuckles at my reaction.

“I’m not surprised. You’ve never been really interested in anyone before. When are you going to get a girlfriend, anyway?” Mikasa smirks at me. She thinks she’s just poking fun at me, but it’s really pissing me off. Is she saying these things to get me the fuck away from Eren, because I suddenly intruded on their conversation? I’m fucking agitated.

“Oh, shut up,” I roll my eyes at her dramatically and she snickers. Eren is watching the both of us with an amused expression. What does he find so amusing? “Stop talking about this bullshit with me. I came over here to ask if anyone wanted a drink. Or are you both occupied?” I lie to them, but of course they don’t see through it.

Eren and Mikasa look down at their drinks; Eren’s is full and Mikasa’s is nearly empty. She seems to be drinking some light-coloured liquid in a glass. I don’t think it’s very high in alcohol; she isn’t allowed to drink those sort of things because of her modelling career. “Actually, yeah, come with me to get another one,” she gets up from her seat and starts to walk to the bar, “I’ll be back in a bit, Eren.”

“That’s fine, take as much time as you need,” he says politely with a very pretty smile. Everything about him is pretty. I didn’t know any man could be described as pretty, but I was proven wrong when I saw him. He’s gorgeous as well and really fucking hot.

I roll my eyes again at Mikasa. Who the fuck cares that she’ll ‘be back in a bit’? No one. Oh, maybe no one besides Eren, who perhaps has the hots for my sister. He probably does. “I’m sorry if you’ll miss her the five seconds she’ll be gone, but I promise she’ll be back to see you as soon as possible,” I say, with a fake smile and extremely bitter tone.

Fuck, why am I acting like such a bitch?

He looks at me with a face full of confusion. Oh great. “Excuse me?” he leans forward on the table and questions me with a polite-sort-of tone. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” He stares right through my eyes, and right then I regret coming to this table. I fucking hate being intoxicated. I’ve only made things weird.

I don’t answer him, and instead turn my body away from him and head to where Mikasa is. I can’t believe I just said that to Eren; I’m actually fucking stupid. I’m not going to get drunk around Eren ever again. I will stay true to my word on that.

My sister notices me when I stand next to her as she orders a drink. I don’t know what I’m doing; I don’t want to drink another sip of alcohol, yet at the same time I really want to. I’m complicated as shit. “You know, Levi,” she says, as the bartender takes her order and starts making her drink, “that Eren guy is really intriguing. He’s a salsa dancer, he’s got a great personality and he’s hot as fuck to top it off. Wouldn’t you agree? I fancy him a bit, actually.” She says, with a smile I wish I could slap off her face.

No, I don’t want to hurt my sister. That would be wrong. Though I am extremely fucking pissed now, and I’m not sure how to contain it. “Oh please, you barely know him. He could be a fucking rapist, for all you know,” I say stupidly, and immediately regret it as I say it. How do I manage to say these things without thinking?

Mikasa laughs out loud at me. Oh what fun, I’m humouring her now. “I highly doubt that! You’re awfully funny when you’re drunk, you know that?” she gives me a wide grin I do not accept in the slightest. What she said reminds me of what Krista said before. Why do people find me funny when I’m drunk?

The bartender hands her the drink she ordered and takes it with a polite smile. “Don’t be too sure, he once touched me inappropriately,” I say, raising my eyebrows at her, “yeah, better believe it.” Oh my fucking God, I sound like a God damn moron right now. I hate intoxication!

Why am I completely twisting the situation that happened back at Jean’s house days ago? Yes, he did touch me, but it wasn’t inappropriately. I’m being such a brat. A jealous fucking brat. “How much did you drink, seriously? I’m worried for you,” my little sister bursts out in laughter, but I don’t find anything amusing, “anyway, I think I may have a chance with Eren. He seems interested in me, doesn’t he?” She looks at the beautiful-eyed boy from a far.

She waits for my reply. “I’m going outside to take a smoke,” is all I say, and she looks at me with disapproval. I don’t even care, “care to join me?” I say, a little bit of bitterness behind my tone and both my arms wide open like I’m awaiting a hug. Though I know for sure I don’t want a hug from her.

Mikasa rolls her eyes at me, like I do to her often, and I smirk. “No, of course not. Have fun destroying your lungs,” she says, with bitterness of her own behind her voice. I laugh at her as she walks away from me to go to her new boyfriend.

Jealously feels fucking disgusting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing drunk Levi, it's quite different to sober Levi as he doesn't actually think before he speaks xD haha
> 
> Until next week :) I hope you guys have a good rest of the week <3


	22. Honest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you would like to listen to it, I picked out a specific song for this chapter: "Honest" by The Neighbourhood. The mood of the song really goes with this chapter, so I hope some of you will listen to it :)
> 
> Enjoy the chapter.

I go out to the very back of the bar and open the door. I’m met with darkness and chilling cold air. I don’t mind the cold all that much; Jean says that’s because I’m a cold person myself. Maybe he’s right about that.

I step out, taking the few steps to the floor with a drunken pace, and flop down on the ground near the perfectly-designed door. There are a lot of things perfect about this place. To me, it is brilliantly made. The live music is good (although it is jazz, which I’m not very keen on), the alcohol is spectacular, the prices are actually quite reasonable and the classic sort-of atmosphere makes it all just so pleasant to me. I would be having more fun if I wasn’t being such a jealous brat.

I have no reason to be jealous; how do I know Eren is flirting with Mikasa? For all I know, he could be just trying to get to know people and somehow my sister misunderstood the situation. I mean, he has been chatting around with everyone tonight. He might not be into her at all.

That’s what I like to think, anyway. Eren is most likely interested in my sister. I mean, she is what you would call ‘a flawless human’. There are many more appealing qualities in her then there are in me. It’s an undeniable fact.

I take out the packet of cigarettes I put in my pocket before we left, and light one out of the many with my small, red firelighter. I place the kill-stick in my mouth and close my eyes to relax myself. I inhale, take out the smoke, and exhale over and over again hoping to ease my worry. It’s not helping me as it should.

My legs are extended and crossed over in front of me as I sit out here alone. Only a few other people can be seen out here in this darkness, but they’re far away from me. I can look as unprofessional as I want.

The door I came out of before opens up suddenly, and my eyes are attentive to the person who comes out. I continue to smoke the cigarette as a man with brown hair and dashing green eyes stands in front of me. Oh what a fucking joy, it’s Mikasa’s new boyfriend.

I’m a fucking twat, I need to shut the hell up.

I look into his expressionless eyes with nonchalance, and exhale a large amount of smoke that he watches escape my mouth. I really don’t care that he’s watching me right now, I just want this fucking kill-stick to ease the unsettle feeling in my stomach that he has caused. Or rather, caused myself.

“I knew you would look sexy smoking. It doesn’t work on most people, but I knew somehow you could pull it off,” Eren says to me with a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. I don’t understand why he says these types of things to me. He has to know they drive me crazy. I’m just not used to the words given to me by him.

My smoking is somehow sexy to him? What does that even mean? “Smoking isn’t sexy, Eren,” I state to him, again with no recognisable emotion, “watching people slowly destroying themselves is appealing to you?” I ask him.

Eren moves to sit down next me on the gravely floor against the wall I am also leaning on, and rests his arm on his bent leg. “No, I don’t tend to think about that. I know it kills, but people do it for all sorts of reasons. Some individuals make it look like art, which is beautiful in a way,” he speaks to me in a soft tone, but it goes softer as he says his next words, “smoking is fucking hot on you.” He tells me.

I gasp and immediately break out into a small series of coughs. I cover my mouth with my left hand but still keep the cigarette in the other. I wish he would stop saying things like that to me, but then again I want him to keep telling me more. I’m desperate for attention from him and it’s quite shameful to admit.

“How so?” I push. Eren’s eyes widen a little bit as he looks at me, saying as if he didn’t expect me to say that. Jesus fucking Christ I’m needy; why did I ask him that? I take long drags of the cigarette, and close my eyes slightly as I blow out puffs of toxic smoke.

Eren leans his head closer to mine. “Hmm…I find it sexy when you crease your eyebrows as you breathe in the smoke, when you close your eyes as you relish in the feeling,” he says the words in almost a whisper. I still continue to smoke, my stomach twisting nervously as he speaks, “I love the way the smoke leaves your pink lips; it’s mesmerising to me.”

I turn my head to the side to see him looking at me with an unrecognisable emotion behind his green eyes. I know for sure I’ve never been looked at that way in my life; it’s different. It’s new, and in a way, I crave it.

I watch him as he darts out to lick his lips seductively, and I have to turn my head away in embarrassment. I put out the cigarette on the floor next to me and avoid Eren’s eyes at all costs. I can’t stand to look at him right now; what he said was too personal. Does he really think that when he watches me? Just what does this man want from me?

“What do you want, Eren?” I ask him, sternly, while trying to keep my composure. “Over the last week or so since you came, I’ve been feeling very confused about you. You tell me things you usually don’t tell another person, you act differently around me, and I don’t understand why. What are you trying to do?” I ask, my eyes finally coming in contact with his. Eren smirks a little.

“I’m not trying anything with you, baby,” he tells me, as he places his hand on his leg, “I only do what feels right to me. You asked me what I wanted from you. What do you think I want from you?” he asks, and I bite my lip. There’s a little bit of tension in the air and it’s making my heart go crazy.

I can’t speak at all; I can’t find the words I need to say to him right here and now. This is the absolute worst time for this. “I…I don’t know. Sometimes, I wonder…fuck. I can’t say it, you’ll think I’m a fucking idiot or something,” I say, hiding my face in my hands for a few moments.

“I’ve never thought of you as an idiot. What makes you think what you say now will change my mind?” Eren says to me with a sturdy tone. It’s much more different to when he speaks to me in a whisper; I really like listening to his voice.

“Opinions are ever changing,” I say to him, and he nods his head to agree with me, “I just feel stupid saying it aloud because I’m probably assuming wrong. You have no idea how much I hate being wrong, drives me fucking mental it does.” I say, and he chuckles at me. I like it when he’s like that around me.

“Well, what do you think you should do? Be honest with me? Or keep avoiding what you think you should tell me? It’s up to you,” he gives me a small smile where his eyes are creased at the edges in the most beautiful way. It’s so cute.

I want to tell Eren what has been on my mind the days since he’s been here. I want to ask what he feels towards me, because I’m very confused at the moment at his behaviour. I want him to be completely honest with me, I want to be honest with him, but I don’t know if I can. If I tell him that he’s been on my mind constantly, and that I fancy him a fair bit, what will he do with that information? If Eren somehow likes me, I don’t know what I’m prepared to do. It’s such a pain in the ass that I’m attracted to him, because I know that I will never be with him. I couldn’t maintain an intimate relationship, I know that much. I’m frustrating to deal with, and I’m simply not ready to love. If I’ll ever be ready.

I couldn’t love someone like that, at least I don’t think I could. And I don’t think my partner would be okay with half-assed love. Besides, Eren is a male. Imagine the shit we’d get from people if we got together? I know the whole thing with hate towards homosexuals as gotten a bit better, but it hasn’t completely cleared up. I don’t think I could handle that sort of judgement, especially when I’m just discovering my sexuality. I’m just not ready.

I’m drunk, tired and emotional. All a horrible mix. I wish I could have this talk with him when I was completely sober, but no, we’re doing this right here and now. Come to think of it, I’m being a bit more honest and open with Eren tonight. Maybe that’s because intoxication makes you more honest? I didn’t really believe it did.

It’s silent between the both of us as we sit there against the wall. It’s calming, peaceful, and I wouldn’t mind it being like this for a little while longer. But I need to speak to him; I need to get off what’s on my chest. “I’ve been wondering why you do the things you do, to me, specifically. You’re awfully flirty to me some of the time and…well, you always seem to touch me. It sounds odd, but remember when you taught me to dance? You were being a little touch-y afterwards, and it confused me as to why. Back at Jean’s place a few days ago, you touched me a little intimately, and again, I couldn’t understand why,” I tell him, feeling my stomach twist as I come out completely honest. Why is this so hard for me to do? “I’ve been thinking that you might be interested in me.”

There, I fucking said what needed to be said. I look like such a little bitch on the outside; worried and speechless. And that’s exactly how I feel inside. I hate feeling like this; weak and anxious. It’s not how I normally act. It’s only because of Eren, and him alone.

Eren appears to be calm and collected, totally the opposite of what I feel like. He crosses his arms over his chest and turns his head to look right at me. Why won’t he show some specific emotion on his face? I want to know what goes on behind those brilliant green eyes of his.

“Well, you’re right about one thing: I am interested in you,” he says, a smirk appearing on his features, and my heart stops at the words, “I have been for a little while. I didn’t know whether if you were into guys or not, so I kind of…forced myself upon you, I guess? I really fancy you and I just wanted to be around you more. I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable, Levi.” He says, and sighs a bit after.

So, Eren likes me? I feel my face go hot and red, and I certainly feel like hiding away at the moment. I don’t get why Eren likes me, at all. I’m the least attractive person in the world in every way. I’m very flattered that he does anyhow, but at the same time it’s a little problematic. Though I may like Eren a bit, I don’t plan on acting out on those feelings. It’ll only cause trouble for me.

He’ll get over this little crush he has on me soon; it’s just what happens to most people. I’m quite surprised he’s interested in men, that being me, but he’s got to know deep down that we’d never work. We barely know each other enough, and I don’t want to get into a relationship.

I want to tell him my feelings back to him honestly, but that’ll only be troublesome. I’m not completely certain with myself about anything to do with Eren, so what the fuck can I say to him without sounding completely insane?

I’ll just have to be as honest as I can.


	23. Gentle Touches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go: another update :)
> 
> Thank you for everything, all of you <3 The comments and kudos is just so overwhelming! You're incredible.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

The both of us sit in silence, a very long silence. It’s not awkward at all, but it doesn’t feel peaceful. Isn’t silence meant to be peaceful? I guess it wouldn’t when you’re stuck in a situation like mine. I want to avoid everything right now; I want to close my eyes and hide away, especially from a particular individual. I’m always thinking like this recently; like a coward. I see it so clearly, yet I do nothing to change it.

He makes me weak, and I’m not sure it’s a good thing. His beautiful presence alone does it, but when it comes to his gentle, perhaps meaningful, touches it makes me even weaker. I don’t like using that term, but it perfectly describes how I usually feel around Eren.

There’s no denying that I want Eren. I want his fingers caressing my body anywhere possible, I want his mouth and tongue to explore me in unspeakable places and I want to do exactly the same to him. I want to be completely consumed by him and I want him to feel just as crazy about me as I am to him.

But, I can’t have any of that. I’m mental when it comes to him, but I still have sanity intact. There’s too many issues needed to be dealt with, so it’d only cause problems if Eren and I took a step further into our basically non-existent ‘relationship’. I need to talk to him about all of this, but would it be okay if I told him I do have some sort of feelings for him, even though they’re not the way they should be?

I’m talking about how my feelings towards him aren’t completely directed at his character. Most of it is just his physical appearance, which is incredibly shitty of me, but I don’t know him well enough to have genuine feelings. To be fair, I don’t think Eren has much of a genuine feeling towards me either; he knows absolutely fuck-all about me, how would he like me? If he somehow does though, what does he want from me?

Just how honest can I be with Eren without sounding completely insane?

“Levi, talk to me,” Eren finally breaks the silence with a gentle voice, “tell me how you feel about all of this; about me.” I turn my head to the side to see his face. His eyebrows are creased and he seems to be searching for something. Some sort of emotion on my face, maybe. It makes me wonder whenever I’ve seen Eren like this. The thing is, I never have.  
Here goes nothing. “I feel extremely jumpy around you sometimes, cautious, and a little anxious even. I think it’s because you’ve been quite affectionate with me…and I’m really not used to that kind of thing at all,” I tell him to start off, and Eren nods his head in understanding.

“I know, I’m sorry, I realised that to. I did it without considering how you felt, and it’s made you feel uncomfortable this entire time, and…I’m just really sorry, Levi,” Eren apologises, and I can hear the sincerity in his voice. He doesn’t need to apologise, “I started to fancy you pretty quickly after the first time we met, do you remember that? It was quite a long time ago, but I could never forget you.”

I bite my lip out of nervousness and I start to heat up even more. Dammit, why do I react so strangely to him? “I wanted to be around you more, instead I came off pushy and over-the-top. I always seem to do that to people I like, not that I’ve liked many guys,” Eren continues to speak, “I wanted you to like me, and I pushed the limits a little bit too far to get you to. Jesus, I sound so awkward, don’t I? I’m not usually like this.” He chuckles at himself and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

“It was strange to me at first, and from then on the attention you gave me confused the hell out of me. But during all that…I really wanted the attention from you, in fact I wanted more of it,” I say, forcing myself to not get up and run away as I say these things, “it’s so hard to say anything without sounding completely crazy.” I say in frustration, and grasp my head with both of my hands.

“Speak crazy, at least you’re honest that way,” Eren tells me, and I have to say, his simple words hold a lot of truth.

I take a deep breath before speaking to him again. “Before you started staying at Jean’s place, I had always thought that I liked…girls. To be fair, I never really had an interest with anything to do with relationships and love, but I knew inside I liked girls just like most guys,” I decide to start off from the beginning, “a little while after you came, I started to question that. I know it’s stupid, but it drove me insane thinking that I might be gay, or bi, either one. It shouldn’t have, but this one thing I always knew just suddenly changed.”

“I talked with someone about these issues of accepting myself, and they gave me some really amazing advice, and I’m sort of getting better. It’s still weird to me, but I need some time to get used to who I am. I think that’s fair, isn’t it?” I say, but I don’t give him a chance to speak. Despite thinking I shouldn’t be completely honest with him, I am anyway. I think it’s best this way. “It’s true I have started to develop some sort of feelings for you, but…okay, this is completely shitty of me, but they’re more ‘sexual desires’ towards you than anything.”

Yeah, I want to fucking hide away right now. It’s so embarrassing speaking my mind to him, but at the same time I can feel the weight I didn’t know I was carrying disappearing off my chest. “Sexual desires? What kind of sexual desires are you talking about?” Eren asks me, and I find myself at loss for breath. He seriously didn’t ask me that.

I cover my eyes with my hands to hide myself from him and his flawless existence. “You…you don’t want me to answer that,” I say, a nervous tone evident in my voice. I don’t want to tell him my fantasies, but at the exact same time I want to tell him. Why do I want to tell him? I have no clue. I’m a horny little bastard.

“I think it’s brilliant that you reached out to someone about your issues of finding who you are; most people don’t have enough courage to. Instead they suffer alone, not knowing what to do, and that’s the worst possible outcome. You did the right thing, Levi,” Eren compliments me, and I give him the smallest smile possible back.

I haven’t realised it, but he’s moved closer to me during this little conversation of ours. He’s too close, but I don’t mind it at all. “So…what do you feel for me then? Do you like me, enough that you want to have sex with me?” he says as if he’s said that one hundred times before; so calmly and unfazed. I, on the other hand, gasp a little and my eyes widen as he says the words.

“N-no! I’m saying that…I only like you for your physical appearance, pretty much, since I don’t know a lot about you to actually genuinely like you, the way that you feel for me. I don’t know! It sounds fucking mental, but I’m trying to make it all make sense,” I raise my voice a bit towards the end in irritation.

Eren suddenly rests his hand gently on my thigh, but I try to make it look like I didn’t notice it. I don’t mind it, but it is making my heart pace increase rapidly. I swear this isn’t healthy. “Okay, yeah, I kind of understand what you’re saying,” Eren caresses my thigh lightly as he speaks, “I’m going to make you like me, you watch.” He says with a smirk.

His confidence is outstanding; it’s actually really attractive to me. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he likes me, I just never thought he would interested in some “emo” art guy. Or guys for that matter. What did I do to make him like me? I want to know, but I don’t feel like asking him now. I just want to sit here in peace.

I’m a lot more sober from having this conversation with him, strangely enough. I can feel his large hand moving up and down my thigh, every now and again squeezing it just a bit. It’s oddly comforting. I absolutely love his touches. “Now…back to that question I asked before: what kind of sexual desires are you talking about?” he looks into my eyes with something new, and rather exciting. Only he looks at me that way. “I’m curious.”

I nervously take a small gulp, and answer his question. God, this is embarrassing. “I just…sometimes imagine you…fucking hell,” I say, and have to turn my head away from him to answer his ever-so-embarrassing question. He still keeps touching my thigh, but his squeezes get tighter as time passes, “I sometimes imagine you…doing things to me. You…moving inside of me, touching me everywhere with your fingers and tongue, making me feel good, moaning my name, me moaning yours…kissing me with your tongue…” for a moment I forget Eren is there, but I regain myself quickly and stop before I go too far.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I said too much, didn’t I? He’s going to think I’m some horny little shit! I can’t look him in the fucking eyes; I’d rather die right now.

I feel a hand move my face to the direction it is pulling me in. I’m met with Eren’s fantastic green eyes filled with something like lust, and my heart stops right there and then, I swear it. I can’t breathe and I’m completely mesmerised by him.

Is this what lust is? Or am I wrong? Whatever it is, it’s fucking toxic, and I crave much more of it. “Do you make yourself feel good to me, Levi?” he says in a low, sexy voice that makes my heart beat even faster. I can’t believe he’s saying this to me. “Do you imagine these things as you feel yourself, moaning my name repeatedly? Do you cum, with the image of me in your mind?” his voice goes even lower. I can feel his warm breath on my neck.

How can he say these things to me? How does he have enough confidence to speak his mind like that? His words are turning me on, and it’s shameful to admit. If he knew the things I do with myself with him in mind, what would he think? A little part of me is curious to know.

Eren seems to do this a lot. One minute he’s being all cute and regular, and then suddenly he changes the atmosphere and turns into a sexy, dominating being. It’s hot, oh believe me it is, and it drives me fucking crazy. In a good way.

He looks deep into my eyes with a sexy smirk, and moves his hand on my thigh farther up, nearing my crotch. Oh fuck, no, this isn’t happening. I feel my breathing become quicker, and my body becoming hotter. My heart is out of control, completely, but it’s exciting. The adrenaline is amazing.

I nearly forget that there are people around us, but they’re too far away to notice. If anyone did see what was happening now, I would be absolutely mortified. I couldn’t handle the embarrassment.

My face is surely the reddest shade to exist, there’s no doubt about it. I’m completely stiff, unable to move, but I’m not sure I want to move. I crave Eren’s touches, his fucking gentle and beautiful touches. But it can’t go any further, I have to stop him before he goes too far.

Eren moves his head closer to me, and places his tongue on the side of my neck. I let out a little yelp in surprise and cover my mouth. He snickers, and I feel him smile against my neck. “You’re so fucking hot. I just want to make a mess out of you,” he whispers seductively to me, and I whimper weakly at his words.

I’m weak, completely and utterly weak at his touch and beautiful words. How could one deny him? You simply couldn’t. “Eren…” I let out his name quietly, and close my eyes as he nibbles on my neck. I’ve never had someone do this to me before; it feels good. I want more.

“That’s it baby…” he tells me, mixing his tongue in with the amazing neck kisses. It’s a gorgeous feeling. Every stroke of his tongue seems to slowly get rid of any sanity I had left, and I sort of love it. How long will I let this go on?

Eren’s about to move his hand up my shirt, but the door next to us opens and the both of us jump in shock. Eren moves a little farther away from me, and I wipe away at the wetness on my neck. I don’t want anyone to notice anything.

“Levi? Are you out here?” a familiar voice calls out for me, and I know who it belongs to the second I hear it. It’s Farlan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go, finally some Ereri shit goin' down xP I had such a fantastic time writing this, so I hope you guys liked it to!
> 
> I can't believe how far I've come along in this story, it's amazing. I thought I would stop being interested in writing it (like I've done numerous times in the past) but I'm still continuing, with much planned ahead! The support is fantastic!
> 
> I hope all of you have a great Christmas this weekend <3 I'll see you soon.


	24. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to everyone reading this on the 1st of January!
> 
> I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been quite busy, and I honestly just want this story to last a while because I'm enjoying writing it so much xD
> 
> I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas, and let's all pray that 2017 will not nearly as shitty as 2016, cause damn :/ last year sucked shit.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

“Shit,” Eren says under his breath and stands up quickly from the ground. I look down at the floor and rub at my neck furiously, only until Farlan realises me and turns around. Eren leans against the wall as if nothing happened, which certainly wasn’t the case. But Farlan doesn’t need to know of that.

“What are you two doing out here? Aren’t you cold?” Farlan asks the both of us with concern. I can’t sense that he has any suspicion towards Eren and I, but yet again, I’m not one to be good at reading people.

I don’t think we look suspicious, so we should be fine. I’d rather for not anyone to know about this. “I was coming out for a smoke,” I answer him as smoothly as I can from the ground where I sit, “Eren just came out to get a little fresh air. Though I can’t imagine it being very fresh amongst my smoke.” I say, trying to make up a story on the spot.

What I said sounds pretty normal, right? Like nothing strange happened at all? I hope so. Eren doesn’t say anything but nods in agreement. Oh come on, at least make a little effort to cover it up, Eren. Though he isn’t as squeamish as me when it comes to these certain types of things.

“Oh, well, come on back in. Jean is calling out for you relentlessly Levi, might I add he’s drunk off his ass,” Farlan tells us as he places his hands in his pockets shyly, and chuckles, “you look a little out of it yourself. Had one too many drinks?” he points out to me.

I didn’t think I looked all that tipsy, obviously I do. “Yeah, a little while ago. I can’t handle alcohol for shit, man,” I laugh to myself and he smiles. Farlan would know, “why’s that fuckwit calling out for me? Can’t he do anything by himself?” I shake my head as I get up from the floor with difficulty. Eren helps to steady myself.

I shake off his arm gently and walk over to Farlan. He notices the awkwardness between us but not for very long, as I lightly punch his arm and the sudden action brings about his attention directly to me. “Well, let’s go then. Knowing Jean, he’s probably just calling out for me because he wants to tell me something stupid and insignificant,” I open the door as I bitch about Jean, and Farlan laughs at me.

I have absolutely nothing to worry about. I pretty much cleared up any suspicion, if there was any, with my talking. I’m fine; completely fine. Now, I’m going to do what I came here to do, and that is enjoy my night.

My spirits have been lifted a little since Eren’s confession, come to think of it, my spirits have been lifted a lot. I mean, a fucking lot. I don’t understand why or how he likes me, but he must have saw something, right? I’m just wondering if he genuinely likes me, but I can’t wonder about that now.

I was absolutely petrified when he started touching my neck with his mouth. It gave me a sense of relief, joy and I couldn’t believe it was happening. I only thought about such things in my fantasies, but it was really happening for me. Just only minutes ago.

I’m confused as to where our relationship stands at the moment, but such things can be discussed later. At the moment I’m in the best mood I could be, and I’d rather have fun for the rest of the night. I’m sick of overthinking everything, like I usually do.

Farlan goes through the door first, and I leave it open so Eren can step through. He walks past me with nonchalance, and squeezes my ass with his hand as he walks through. The sudden action of his makes me yelp a bit and turn red in the face.

He turns his head to smirk at me before walking off ahead. What does he think he’s doing? How does he do such improper things with absolutely no shame? Does he know that he’s killing me in every way by the things he does to me?

I sigh and walk in. I close the door behind me, and turn back around to see Farlan looking down at me with no recognisable emotion behind his blue eyes. Does he want something?

I look up at him with my head tilted. His hand comes up to my neck and he touches a certain spot, which turns out to be highly sensitive. I wince slightly. Shit, fucking Eren. He left a bloody hickey!

“What’s that on your neck, Levi?” Farlan asks, and keeps touching it with a suspicious look in his eyes. I furrow my eyebrows and move his hand out of the way with my own. How can I cover up for the hickey? You can’t. A hickey is a hickey. What the fuck is Farlan thinking right now?

I decide to walk out to the bar area and ignore him. It’s very suspicious behaviour, but how else can I escape this? I can’t. I can’t just say that Eren left it there. I’m not comfortable talking about this to anyone yet.

Right now for some reason I wish Ymir were here. I don’t know the woman very well, but she was ever such good help. It was weird of me to confide in a stranger, normally I would go to Jean, but her advice just kind of blew me away. She has experienced the same kind of situation I’m currently stuck in, so maybe that’s why I want her help?

I wish I possessed the same confidence she has. Everything would be a little easier because of it. “Don’t ignore me. Why can’t you answer the question?” Farlan follows behind and grabs my shoulder to stop me from walking. He’s quite persistent. He definitely senses something to. Fuck.

I shrug his hand off my shoulder and continue walking. I want to say something to him, but I have no idea what to say. I don’t want to tell him that Eren left that mark there, because I don’t want to discuss our situation yet. Or if ever. What can I say to him so he’ll stop?

Farlan is a shy guy, but not really when it comes to his friends, and believe me it’s annoying sometimes. He’s extremely persistent, more persistent than Jean if anyone could believe. I love him so much despite those facts, however. I turn around to face him. “Look, it’s really none of your business, Farlan,” my words sound harsh and unwelcoming as I say them.

I didn’t mean to appear like that, but there’s nothing else I can say. I don’t want to lie to him and start something stupid, because it is a possibility, so this is what I’m deciding to do. One day I’ll explain to him, but just not today. I can’t hide it away forever.

“I’m sorry,” he says, a worried expression overtakes his pale face, “it just looks odd is all, I wanted to know what the hell it was.” He tells me, looking at the spot on my neck every now and again. Is it that noticeable? Shit. I bet Eren did that on purpose just so people could see it…which, funnily enough, is a little exciting to me.

Exciting? Why am I talking like this? How is the idea of people noticing my hickey exciting to me? Oh God, that whole question is just strange. I don’t want to deal with this right now, at all.

Farlan knows very well what that spot on my neck is. I guess he can figure out the person who gave it to me to. There’s no going back now. “Please don’t talk about this with anyone. I will explain to you sometime soon, but for now, keep it a secret,” I tell him rather quietly, but loud enough so he can hear me over the live music.

“I’m not sure what secret you’re talking about, Levi. You act as though I have a clue what’s going on,” Farlan tells me, with a face full of confusion. He’s just saying this, but there’s not a doubt that he has an idea what the mark on my neck signifies. Is he pushing me to say it out loud to him?

“Save me the trouble, Farlan. I know you know what I’m talking about,” my voice is low and my expression is serious as I talk to him. We’re in the bar area, but none of our group has seemed to take notice of us.

I’m scared, quite terrified actually. I didn’t want anyone to know of the business between Eren and I, but someone unfortunately caught on so soon. And it just had to be one of my best friends. How will I be able to explain my situation to the rest of them if I can’t even tell one person? I’m weak, so weak, and it’s aggravating. How did I end up like this?

No, I can’t think like that. People struggle with issues like mine on a daily basis, and they’re not classified as weak. I just somehow feel weaker than the rest of them. Why is this so? “Levi, I don’t think that you understand that I’m here for you. You can talk to me. I know Jean is your first priority compared to the rest of us, but I love you and you can confide in me to. Don’t you trust me at all?” he asks with a very worried expression, which kills me a little inside.

I look down at the floor to avoid his eyes. “Why are you getting so deep suddenly?” I say awkwardly, but he doesn’t respond. “Farlan, I do trust you. You, Jean and Petra are the only ones in the world I can rely on. What did I do to make you think that?” I had no idea that he thought this. Doesn’t he know that I’m so grateful to have in my life, just as much as Jean and Petra?

“You never seem to talk to me about anything recently, and I know there’s been some shit going on. Petra has been really quiet the past few days, and I think Jean might have an idea what’s up. Not to mention, you haven’t been completely okay either. I’ve been your best friend long enough to know when something is wrong with you,” Farlan speaks up, and it makes me wonder the last time he talked this much. Do I not pay attention to him enough? “I come outside and see you with a hickey on your neck, sitting next to Eren. Why do none of you tell me what’s going on? Why do none of you confide in me?” Farlan voice raises a bit towards the end, and I look up to see him with an expression plastered on his face that certainly doesn’t suit him.

He’s without a doubt frustrated.

I didn’t know Farlan felt like this at all. He has Petra’s trust the most out of any of us that’s for sure, but obviously she doesn’t reach out to him enough. It’s true that I don’t talk to Farlan enough, but why am I only realising this now? Why didn’t I see this before? This is exactly why I can’t have relationships. I’d guarantee mess them up, with no intention to, but destroy them nonetheless. I’m not suited to it at all.

“I’m sorry, but you need to know I had no intention of doing that. None of us did. I love you, and Jean and Petra do to. Some issues have occurred, but everyone is just trying to work through them without involving other people,” I explain to him, “I want to tell you what’s going on with me, but I need you to understand that I can’t tell anyone yet. I will, for sure, just be patient with me. I’m so sorry for worrying you.”

Farlan is so caring and probably the most pleasant of us to be around. He’s kind, too kind, and a quality like that is something to be valued. I need to talk to Farlan and involve him more, like I should have been doing ages ago. Just when I think everything is okay, it isn’t. How funny is that?

“I know you had no intention of doing that, fuck, I’m being so selfish right now,” he runs a hand through his hair nervously. It’s not normal to see him swear, “I’m sorry, it’s just that these thoughts have been on my mind for a while and it was good to get it out the open to you. I respect that you need time to tell someone what’s going on with you, but I just want you to know that I am here for you completely and will listen to you. You’re my best friend.” His expression turns a little sad, and it pains me physically.

I’m truly an awful person, but nothing much of my personality has changed since high school. My opinion on the world has definitely changed, but I’m still quite the same deep down. Just weaker, more tolerable and gay.

“Thank you for being there for me,” I tell him with a small, awkward smile. He returns mine with a smile of his own. I have never been more relieved to see Farlan smile before.  
He opens his arms and engulfs me in an embrace suddenly, which catches me by surprise, but I hug him back without contemplation. I haven’t hugged Farlan in a long time. I’ve missed them.

“I always will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can tell by this story, I absolutely love creating beautiful friendships between characters. I think they're really important and help towards a healthy character development. I want Levi and Eren to grow together through love and passion, not just sex (though there will be plenty of sex scenes xD).
> 
> I feel like Farlan isn't appreciated enough, by my audience and the book characters, so I wanted this chapter to show a little light onto how he feels and what kind of person he is :) 
> 
> Until next time! Have an amazing day/night (if you're not having a great day/night just picture Eren dancing and you'll be revived xD)


	25. Rabbit Ears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Yes, I've updated again, and pretty quickly to. This chapter was so easy and fast to write for some reason. I have been in a writing mood lately :)
> 
> This is a sort-of cute chapter again. I have so much fun writing them, but I'm going to have even more fun when it comes to writing all the Ereri I have planned out for all of you. I'm really looking forward to it, and I hope you are to!
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

“Levi! Levi… Levi!” Jean says my name continuously in a sing-song tone, which drives me absolutely fucking mental. He’s been doing that for a while now, and I have no clue as to why. Jean is obviously drunk out of his mind, but what the actual fuck does he want?

I’ve already tried talking to him twice to stop him from being so embarrassing, but he’s literally got nothing to say so the conversation turns bland, and so I move on to someone else to talk. Moments after I do that, Jean is already whining my name loudly and persistently. Oh Lord, I’m sick of it.

Earlier, Farlan gave me some foundation he stole from Petra’s purse to cover up the mark on my neck. I told him I didn’t want anyone to see it, and he immediately helped me out. I owe him for that. Now the light hickey is barely noticeable, thank God.

I turn around away from Krista to face the idiot before me, and slam my hand on the bar table in frustration. His drink ripples violently. “Jean! What the fuck do you want from me?” I say loudly, but not loud enough to gain the attention of everyone else around us.

His head is lied down on the bar table, as well as his arms. He looks absolutely bloody smashed, and right then I wonder who the hell is driving home this stupid fucker. “Your looks! Your fucking looks, Levi!” Jean lifts his head up from the table and looks me straight in the eyes. His own are bloodshot; he looks high, which is somehow humorous to me. “Man, what I’d do to look like you. Hey, exchange with me?” he says stupidly.

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, but a little smile forms on my face as I look up at him and his bloodshot eyes. “No, fucking stop going on about my appearance! We’re not at a gay bar, calm your shit,” I say, and hear Krista and a couple other female voices giggle behind me.

For now, I’m going to just humour Jean. He’s in a total state of vulnerability and stupidity, so I’m going to take advantage of that. Just for tonight. I mean, it’s funny to fuck with him. “I don’t even give a shit. All I’m saying is you’re fucking beautiful, and if I was a girl, I’d be glad to fuck you,” Jean says with nonchalance, and takes a sip of his drink right after.

I widen my eyes in total surprise and start to laugh at him. Uncontrollably. “Stop being weird! For fuck’s sake!” I say in between laughs. I grip my thighs tightly and put my head down to hide my face as I laugh. I can hear Eren behind me chuckling cutely, and I concentrate on that as I try to forget Jean’s words from before.

“Oh, kiss me Levi! Fuck me, daddy!” Jean says in a high-pitch tone, and as he says the words, I immediately stop laughing and look up at him with the most shocked expression. He’s losing his shit in front of me as I’m becoming red in the face from the embarrassment. Oh my fucking God, what a little dickhead.

I punch Jean in the arm, harder than usual, but he just laughs even harder at my reaction. I turn to the girls behind me and they’re all trying to conceal their laughter. Ugh, everyone around me is a little shit and tipsy as hell.

Eren, who is seated behind the girls, is looking at me as he chuckles into his hand. Oh, so everyone finds Jean’s comment amusing? Freaking great. I hate them all. I flip off the lot of ease-droppers, but that only encourages them and they giggle harder. This is embarrassing.

“Okay, Jean, calm your shit,” I tell him as I wave my hand up and down slowly, “man, you’re so immature.” I shake my head, as if I’m losing all hope. Who the fuck says that kind of crap in public anyway? Does he want to gain everyone’s attention or something?

Jean slings his arm around my neck and smashes his cheek against mine. I feel extremely awkward in this position. “You and I both, love,” I feel him smile widely against my cheek. I roll my eyes but let out a small smile of my own anyway. He’s such an idiot.

The girls behind me let out strings of ‘aw’s’ as Jean has got me tightly locked in this awkward embrace. I don’t know how to get out of it, because it’s pretty strong. How can this drunk-off-his-ass man still be so strong? “I hate you,” I tell him, and he chuckles at me. We have a weird relationship.

“Petra, come over here,” Jean orders, as he slurs the words together like a moron. I look over to her in my peripheral vision, and her expression is questioning, but she comes over anyway. Jean suddenly wraps his arm around her neck and brings her down so that her own cheek is smashed against his.

We look like a bunch of fucking idiots. What the hell is he doing? “Farlan, you pretty-blonde bitch, get your ass over here,” Jean yells, and I shut my eyes as his loud voice resonates through my ears irritatingly. There’s no need for him to be so fucking loud! Then again, this is Jean we’re talking about.

Farlan awkwardly walks over, his face completely twisted in confusion that it’s almost humorous. I’m just as confused myself. “Levi, put your arm around that pretty-blonde. Fuck me, all my friends are good looking,” Jean says, and I roll my eyes, just because of this guy’s idiocy. I open my arm for Farlan and I lock him in this terribly-awkward embrace.  
What the actual fuck are we all doing?

“Jean, what are we doing?” I ask him, and for some reason he laughs to himself. Yeah, he’s definitely out of it. Why did we all get involved in this fucking awkward and embarrassing embrace? Should we even call this an embrace? It’s a poor excuse of one if it is.

The bartender at the front smiles at the bunch of us, and I feel my face heat up purely because of the embarrassment. Oh Lord, Jean is a piece of work when he’s drunk. “Hey, miss, can you take a photo of us?” he asks, and I open my mouth to deny, but he’s already taken out his phone by the time I do.

I try to turn my head to look at Farlan, but it’s hard when I’m smashed against Jean’s cheek. I see half of his face, and to my surprise, he looks amazingly happy. I don’t know why, but his face is full of pure bliss, and I wonder then when was the last time I saw him like that. A long time, that’s for sure.

I bet the alcohol running through his body has got something to do with it. He’s always been a happy drunk.

The bartender at the front accepts with a smile and takes Jean’s phone from his hands. I furrow my eyebrows, and contemplate escaping right now, but I don’t. I have no clue as to why I don’t.

The lady at the front holds the phone, ready to capture a photo. If this is actually happening, I should at least try to smile a little bit right? No matter how much I don’t want to just to piss of Jean, I should make an effort.

The sound of the photo being taken already goes off before I even turn my mouth into a smile. Oh well, he’s going to get what he’s going to get. I didn’t want a photo of our awkward embrace anyway.

I watch as the phone is given back to Jean, and the lady leaves the four of us with a slight snicker. Jean lets go of Petra and I, and so I take that as a cue to let go of Farlan and escape. I do just that, but when I turn around I’m met with Krista, Mikasa and Eren. Eren looks down at me with a warm smile that captures my attention immediately. I will never get over how pretty he is.

“Oi, you fuckers. You photobombed the bloody photo!” Jean laughs as he stares at his phone with a wide smile. I furrow my eyebrows (not like I wasn’t doing it before) and place my hand on his shoulder. I look down onto the phone and see the four of us with our arms around each other like fucking idiots. Behind Petra and Jean there is Krista, her arm around Mikasa as she makes weird smooch-y faces facing her. My sister has her tongue poking out at the camera immaturely.

Eren is next to them, behind Farlan and I. He is winking at the camera with an adorable smile, with his hand placed behind my head making the ‘peace sign’, intending to make ‘rabbit ears’. I lift my head up from the screen and search for Eren. He’s behind me, looking over the top to take a glimpse at the photo that was just taken.

“Looking cute, Levi,” Eren teases me, and I roll my eyes at him, “aw, just look at you though. You look like a little angry bunny.” He tells me and I fold my arms in disapproval. He never stops smiling, no matter how agitated I look.

How is one able to be so pure but dirty at the same time? Eren seems like an angel, but how can he be one when he does dirty things to me? My mind goes to when he was talking with me outside the back. His words, his kisses…holy fucking shit. I want to go back and just relive that one moment. That one moment where I was in pure and utter bliss.

It’s funny how another person’s touches can drive you absolutely mental. Only a little after a week ago I thought that that kind of thing was ridiculous and cheesy, but I totally understand now. I thought I had my life under control; smooth and in routine, but I don’t. Not until Eren came into my life with those titan-green eyes and a body made for dance. I somehow like it better like this though.

There will definitely be issues and complications, but I think I can face them. I’m sick of being not being able to help myself; I really need to start doing a better job. I need to start making more progress in my life, and that will start with my art and bettering my skills. I’ve had this run-out of inspiration for weeks and it has to stop. I’m the one doing this to myself.

My relationship with Eren will come into the mix. I have to decide what I want from him, and I want to know what he wants from me. I need to deal with that or it’ll drive me fucking crazy.

I promised myself I wouldn’t overthink everything when I walked back into this bar, but look what I’m doing? Exactly the opposite. “I’m not cute,” I tell Eren as I shake my head. Everyone else is still looking down onto Jean’s phone for some reason, completely ignoring us. Maybe they found some of his porn and they’re giving him shit for it? The thought amuses me a little.

Eren puts his hand on my head to scruff it a little, treating me like a little kid. “You certainly are,” he says, but immediately ducks down to my right ear, “although, you’re looking fucking hot tonight. I can barely keep my hands to myself.” He whispers seductively in my ear, his warm breath sending goose bumps down my spine.

He takes a swipe of my neck with his tongue, and right then I’m glad no one is paying attention to us. Eren shouldn’t be so careless like this, but then again it’s kind of sexy. I’ll never understand why this boy likes me, or why I’m happier than I should be, but I’m not going to overthink about it for once.

Eren moves his head away from my neck and presents me with a smirk made to swoon for. I touch my neck to feel a wet spot, and so I wipe at it to get rid of the liquid substance there. He seems to like licking my neck, which I got to say, is a real fucking turn on.

His eyes stray to the side towards the group, and so his attention goes back to the lot of them. Eren looks down at Jean’s phone from behind, and I stand next to him, doing the same thing. As I take a glimpse of the photo everyone is laughing and chatting about, I feel Eren’s hand slowly grab onto my ass. For the second time tonight. I gasp and look to the side, and he gives me that fucking smirk on his beautiful face again.

What a cheeky bastard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter <3
> 
> This Sunday, I'm flying over to Dubai for the first time ever for 3 weeks or so. This will be the first time I leave Australia, and I'm honestly a little terrified. I'm meeting my dad's side of the family for the first time as well, ah, I'm going to be so awkward!
> 
> Over the 3 weeks, I will unfortunately not be updating. I'm sorry for that, but I want to take this time to have a little break and maybe come up with new ideas for the story while I'm there.
> 
> I think this story will be quite long, as I've got lots to write, but we'll just see :)
> 
> I will see you lovely people in 3 weeks! Bye until then <3


	26. Two Boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, you beautiful people!
> 
> It's been way too long, I know, and I'm sorry. I was visiting family in Dubai, but now that is over with. I started writing just hours after I got home, and I have to say, I'm very proud of this chapter. Really hope you guys enjoy it!
> 
> Now I'll be back to the regular routine. Thank you to those who have stuck by me!

The bright sunlight from outside my window disrupts me from my deep slumber, and right then I wish I had closed the blinds last night. Normally I do; it’s like a ritual before I go to bed. How did I forget?

Inside my eyelids shades of orange are only seen. I can’t be bothered opening my eyes. I’m simply too tired and I’m sure the sun will blind me. Not to mention I have a killer headache for some reason. It won’t hurt to sleep another hour, right?

I stretch my arms out on my bed and suddenly hit something soft, but hard at the same time. It felt strange for sure, so I lied on my side and opened my eyes to see what was revealed to me. I couldn’t believe it when I saw it. The first thoughts running through my head were ‘how?’ and ‘what the fuck?’, and then along came a million other things that resemble that.

Lying on his side, facing me, was none other than Eren Jaeger himself. The only boy in the entire world who could look this beautiful sleeping. It messes with me how flawless this man is.

My eyes widen in confusion and shock, mostly shock, because why on Earth is he sleeping in my bed? The first conclusion that comes to my head is that we had sex last night, but that can’t be possible. I wouldn’t have went through with it with Eren, I just know.

Then again, I don’t remember much after taking that photo with Jean and the rest of them. Did I start drinking a lot then? I must have, because I have an awful headache that could easily have been from me guzzling too much alcohol. Why the fuck would I do that to myself? I’m a complete idiot.

What happened after that? Was Eren the one to help me get back home safely? If he was, why would he be in my bed now? Did I drunkenly ask to do perverted things with him, or did he take advantage of me in my state of vulnerability? I don’t remember anything.

I lay there and stare at Eren’s beautiful sleeping form, while questioning why he’s in my bed now. I’m not going to lie, I’m completely and utterly terrified at this very moment. I know very well that I would love to do… certain things with Eren, but this soon? When I just barely found out that he liked me?

I move my body a little bit under the blanket, checking to see if any particular spots hurt. My hand moves down to touch my ass a bit, it is clothed, and nothing is out of the ordinary. Yes, it’s fucking obvious that I’m paranoid as shit, but it doesn’t hurt to be careful.

Wait on a minute, if we really did have sex (presumably because Eren is sleeping in my bed), did I happen to ‘top’ him somehow?

I can’t get the thought of my head. Having gay sex for the first time would hurt my ass like a bitch, wouldn’t it? Though I feel nothing at all. I know very little about sex in general, but I do know that. Did I put my dick inside Eren Jaeger last night?

The thought is strange to me, and yet at the same time very scary. I hope to fucking God we didn’t do anything last night, and his sleeping in my bed is something easily explainable. I will never get drunk again, that’s for sure.

I take this moment to appreciate Eren sleeping. His lashes look so full and long, and he seems to be at peace. It’s relaxing watching him in this state. I want to see him like this much more often.

I would never have thought anyone could look so amazingly pure while sleeping, but, Eren surprises me yet again. To me, no matter what, he is undeniably gorgeous. He could be wearing a paper bag and he’d still be the most beautiful person in the world. I don’t know why I think all these things of him, but it’s all his fault.

It’s Eren’s fault that I’m falling deeper and deeper. In what? I wouldn’t know.

I wouldn’t mind to keep falling forever.

Suddenly, Eren’s eyes open ever so slightly, and peeking out from them are green eyes that caught my attention from the very beginning. I met him way before he came to stay at Jean’s place for two weeks, and though it was very brief, I could never forget those brilliant eyes of his.

He opens them up wider, and right there and then, green meets silver. Eren yawns into his hand and then afterwards, uses it to push some strands of hair away from my face. His touch was sudden, but it was gentle and kind. Eren smiles at me lazily, and it strains my heart.

“Eren… why are you in my bed?” I ask him, wondering how on earth this situation happened in the first place. “Did we do something last night?” I quieten down my voice, like I’m talking about something dirty. Which I certainly am.

He chuckles sweetly. “No, baby,” he replies with a raspy-sort of voice, that definitely signifies he just woke up in the morning, “you were so drunk last night. I practically had to carry you back to your home. I’m not surprised you don’t remember anything.” My head pounds suddenly and I wince. Just how much did I drink?

Eren uses one of his fingers to trace patterns on my cheek, and his touch spreads a warmth through my body. I wish I knew why he has such an effect on me. Why isn’t the answer so simple?

He takes his hand back, and I clear my throat. “Uh, I’m really sorry that I burdened you with that. It must have been incredibly annoying,” I apologise, genuine sincerity evident in my features. It’s sort of embarrassing how Eren had to take care of me on my way home.

He smiles at me again. How is he always happy? “It wasn’t annoying at all, Levi. I offered to take you back, so there’s no need to apologise,” he shrugs his shoulders, and I give him an unsure look, “as for why I’m in your bed, well, you don’t remember even a little bit about what happened?”

“No, I don’t remember at all,” I answer him, shaking my head as my head is on the pillow. It’s sort of strange looking at Eren like this. It’s so intimate, and I kind of like it.

“When I carried you into your home, you started mumbling things I didn’t understand. Of course you were though, you were drunk out of your mind,” he laughs and I cringe at the thought of myself being that intoxicated, “from the position I was carrying you in, you started unbuttoning my shirt, baby.”

Eren lets out a sly smile and I widen my eyes. He continues speaking. “I took you to your room and lied you on the bed, but your hands were still trying to take my shirt off. I stopped you of course, but you were being awfully stubborn. It was so cute,” he’s still smiling whilst my hand is covered over my face in embarrassment, “you were telling me to stay with you the night, and I refused because well, I didn’t think your sober self would like waking up to see me in your bed so unexpectedly.”

“You actually grabbed me, threw me on the bed and forced me to stay. I got to say, I never thought you could be that aggressive,” he laughs at me, and I cringe beneath my hand even more. How could I be so stupid? “So I stayed, assuming I had no choice. Though I didn’t mind one bit, since I really like you.” Eren tries to take my hand away from my face and succeeds.

I fluster uncontrollably. Where does he get that amazing confidence? “Fuck, I’m so sorry I was acting like that. I promise this will never happen again,” I tell him, as he holds onto my hand, as if it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do.

And for some reason, I don’t let go.

“You were so adorable, Levi. I can never understand how anyone can be so cute but so incredibly sexy at the same time. You drive me crazy, Levi Ackerman,” he says in a low voice, and brings my hand to his mouth to kiss each knuckle softly. He looks at me and grins.

Eren is being so intimate, too intimate. Why aren’t I stopping him? I don’t know, though I feel somewhere deep down I know exactly why.

Just how much does this man like me? Why does he seem to find every opportunity to make me blush, by all the things he does to me? 

I have so many questions I need to discuss with him, maybe he does to? It’s hard to believe I’m in this situation. It’s all new to me, but oddly exciting at the same time.  
Here lie two boys, holding hands as they lay in a bed. Who knew I would be one of them?

I watch as he slowly trails his tongue down my hand, and places my index finger in his mouth. He looks right into my eyes as he sucks and licks my finger. I watch him in awe. Eren knows very well how I react when he does such things to me, is he trying to make my heart explode?

“S-stop, please,” I say, my voice breaking because of how nervous I am. I’m only ever like this when it comes to Eren.

“Why, baby? You don’t like it?” he replies, calling me that pet name he likes to call me often. He stops playing with my finger, and I see it all lubricated in his saliva. Eren has a little bit dripping down his chin, but I don’t find it disgusting in the least. He’s so hot.

“N-no, no it’s not that. I do like it,” I pause for a moment to gather my thoughts. I cannot believe I just admitted that to him. Though I have admitted various embarrassing things to him before, “it’s just, strange is all. No one has done that to me before.” I tell him.

Eren chuckles into my hand with his eyes closed. “I love how you react to me. It makes me feel so alive,” he says, and then goes back to sucking and licking my finger. Moving onto each one, so they’re all lubricated with his saliva. My head ache disappears with each caress of his tongue.

To my embarrassment, I feel my lower region become hard and uncomfortable. My face goes even redder than it was before (if that is even possible) and I let out a small whimper. I would never have thought that finger sucking would feel this oddly good. It definitely turns me on.

I’m letting this get out of hand, aren’t I? Any further and I will definitely have regrets. “Oh Levi, I want to devour you, completely,” he says in a sexy voice and stops playing with my fingers. He wipes at his chin and looks at me seductively.

I want him to devour me. I’ve been wanting that for longer than I can admit. I want him, just all of him, in every way.

“You’re certainly flirty,” I point out to him, and he laughs that beautiful fucking laugh that I swear could cure cancer; anything.

“Only for you, baby,” he chuckles and winks in the most flirty way possible. I swear my heart just exploded; I feel numb, in the best possible way.

We lay there in silence for a little while, staring into each other’s eyes. Right then, I think about painting him. Sure I’ve done a bundle of random sketches of him, but I want to really draw him. Would he suit acrylics or watercolours? Probably watercolours. Soft textures that remind me of his gentle touches.

“We should get up now,” Eren grins at me and lifts his head off the pillow. He sits at the edge of the bed, facing away from me with his shirt off. I can see his spectacular back muscles, and I swoon.

I may not be in love Eren, but I might be, one day.

And I think it’ll be soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooo, Levi and Eren getting pretty steamy.
> 
> I hope all of you are starting to fall in love with the personalities I have put with these amazing characters, because that is definitely my main aim for this story.
> 
> Until next time :)


	27. Summer

It’s already 3pm by the time Eren and I both get up and get dressed. Bloody hell, what time did we come home last night? I never usually sleep in this late and waste an entire day.

I let Eren hop into the shower first to clean himself up, though really, I’m the one who needed cleaning up the most. I looked into the mirror this morning with disgust; my hair was in random places on my head and I looked absolutely dead inside. How could Eren think that was cute?

I changed into a regular white button-up shirt and black jeans. My usual outfit for any day of the week. Eren is wearing his clothes from last night, since that’s all he has. I imagine him wearing my clothes. They would be too tight on him, and overall it would just be so strange.

A thought suddenly occurred to me: me wearing Eren’s clothes. I blush at the idea. They would definitely look baggy on my figure, as if I was wearing a dress almost. I know I’m five years older than him, but he’s taller and more masculine than me.

Would Eren let me wear his clothes? Would he like it? Or doesn’t he like that sort of thing? I put my finger to my lip as I think, and then I shake my head to rid of the weird thoughts. Honestly, thinking things like that… I’m completely stupid.

I walk out to the small living room to be met with Eren sitting on the couch. His eyes are focused on me as I enter, and I go down to sit next to him, not knowing what else to do.

“You hungry? I could go out and get something for the both of us,” Eren asks me as he rubs at his neck. Now that he mentions it, I am quite hungry, especially since I hardly ate anything last night. Well, that’s what I remember anyway.

“Yeah, I’m starving,” I reply, and he tilts his head to the side and grins, “but I’ll go get it, you’ve already done enough for me. That is the very least I could do.” I tell him, getting off the couch as I do so. I wasn’t sitting here for very long.

Eren grabs at my hand with a firm grip, and it catches my attention. I look down at him with a questioning face. “How about we go together? So none of us have to argue about it,” he chuckles, and keeps his hand on mine. It makes me nervous.

Going to get food out with Eren shouldn’t make me as jittery as it should. It’s just food. Guy friends hang out like this normally, right? I shouldn’t be so unnecessarily paranoid like this. I need to get over it. Even though it’s becoming better with each day, I still have these obnoxious thoughts.

“Okay, yeah, we’ll do that,” I nod my head and press my lips into a thin line. He smiles and eventually drops his hand from his tight grip. I walk away from him, my heart beating as it always does around him.

I enter my room again to collect my wallet from my desk. I slot it into the back pocket of my jeans, and come back out again. “Do you want to go now or…?” I question him, and he nods his head to tell me ‘yes’.

I open the door for him to exit out of it and then step out myself. I keep looking down towards the floor, a strong feeling of nervousness taking over me completely. “Such a gentleman,” Eren looks behind himself and says to me in a quiet voice. Not to mention he has a sly expression imprinted on that face of his.

“Oh shut up,” I retort. Eren laughs and walks along ahead with me on the pavement. I continue looking down, my hands inside my pockets.

I feel a little awkward walking with Eren. Mainly because he made me hard this morning (I think he knows I was to) and he was being so fucking intimate. I enjoyed every minute of it, and I certainly loved it, but what the hell are we doing? We’re not even dating. Is it appropriate to do things like that when you’re not?

I sound like a fucking tight-ass, but that’s because I know damn well I am. So what if I am? Sometimes having that kind of attitude is okay, especially when it comes to this. You need to be wary of your choices. And I’m not one to be reckless.

“What do you fancy eating?” I ask Eren, not bothering to turn my head to look at him. We both walk beside each other, an obvious large gap that I created between us. I’m so damn awkward.

“I want to go to a café; the one near the dance studio. It’s so nice there. Would you like that?” he asks me, as I continue looking down at the ground. I nod my head and assume he acknowledges it.

It smells so much like autumn in the air. Not to mention, the weather is getting colder recently, and summer is nearing its end. Sina summers are never very hot; the hottest it has been here is probably twenty-seven degrees. The winters are very cold, and it snows down occasionally. I don’t mind it though, I quite enjoy snow. To me, it’s very beautiful.

I wonder what season Eren likes best. He seems to be the type of person to me to love the feeling of warmth, and I’m not sure why. He reminds me of a hot summer; a proper, hot summer. Whenever he smiles, it spreads a warm feeling in my heart. Whenever he touches me, a fire within slowly builds. He’s a dirty, merciless, scorching summer.

We arrive at the café, and it seems to be quiet there today, which pleases me a bit. I hate crowded places full of people, and that is a reason why I don’t go to the Sina malls much around here. That, and I don’t have a whole lot to spend anyway. I’m so unadventurous, but I like being this way.

Eren and I both go up to the waitress behind the counter. He orders a green tea with jasmine and calamari with salad. I order a camomile tea and a chicken caeser wrap. I didn’t know Eren liked tea. I was thinking he was one of those heavy-coffee-drinker guys, since there are so many of them around these days.

I find a table outside for us to sit at. Coincidentally, I remember this table to be the exact one where Ymir found me all those days ago. Why do I remember such irrelevant things?

We sit across from each other, but I don’t look up at him. I continue keeping my head down shyly and my hands in my pockets. I’m still quite obviously bothered by what happened this morning, but should I be at all? In the moment, I was enjoying every second of it, and I didn’t even stop him.

I said to myself I would take it slow. Whatever feelings I have for him are still not clear to me, but I know for sure they’re growing. They’ve been more than sexual feelings for longer than I can admit, and I guess that means I’m starting to see Eren as a romantic interest.

This is where some problems start to arise. I know Eren likes me, I can see that. But what if I want to eventually date him, and by that point he already has moved on? That would hurt me, but it’d be my own damn fault. Then again, I’ve mostly thought about not getting involved with him romantically, even if I did start to like him, because of all the issues that would develop.

It’s messing with my mind, completely. I’m not sure what to do. One part of me does not want to get involved with Eren, and another part is desperate for him. That part wants all of Eren to be his, and it’s stealing every piece of me that thinks otherwise every single day.

I told myself over and over again that I would stop overthinking, and look what I’m doing now? I frustrate myself to no end, I swear. If I was more carefree, I wouldn’t be doing this now. I probably would have already kissed Eren and had sex with him. But then again, I don’t want to be carefree. I’m not ready, I just need more time.   
If I end up wanting to date Eren, will he still be willing to be with me then?

I would like to try dating him, because he does make me rather happy. He also makes me all hot and flustered, and I do masturbate to him regularly. He’s a great person, honestly, and he’s so fucking hot. Anyone would want this guy, and yet he’s right here, wanting me.

Am I taking too long? I’m not, am I? I mean, I properly met this guy only last week, and I’m already contemplating dating him. He came off so strong, and I started having feelings towards him so quick. Is it wrong to start going out with him this soon?

I don’t fucking know anymore! For fuck’s sake, this is literally making my head pound. Why must I be like this? Why can’t I make this whole situation simple?

“Levi? Is something wrong? You keep looking down,” Eren grabs my attention, and I lift my head up quickly. How long was I like that for? Our tea and food has already arrived without me noticing. “Is it about what happened last night, this morning?” he tilts his head to the side cutely, like a puppy.

“No, it’s nothing. I’m sorry I’m spacing out,” I apologise, while playing with my fingers. I’m not even nervous. I’m sure acting like I am.

“I know I made you nervous this morning, since you’re not used to that type of intimacy. I’ve apologised for pushing myself onto you before, and I’m apologising again now. I just really want you to like me, not just sexually, and I realise I get too confident and cocky. If anything I do makes you uncomfortable, please tell me,” Eren looks worried, and I frown at him, but also fluster. He’s got nothing to be sorry for. Didn’t I tell him that I liked the way he sucked on my fingers? If I was uncomfortable with anything he did, I would have pushed him away.

But that’s not the case at all.

“Eren, you don’t need to apologise. If… if I didn’t like the things you did to me, I would have stopped you. I’m not defenceless, you know. I do like it,” I tell him calmly, straying my eyes to the left, “so, yeah, stop giving me that fucking worried look.” He laughs and I pinch my lips in a thin line.

“What does that mean? Hm? That all those times I came onto you, it secretly meant more to you?” he says rather joyfully, and I meet his eyes with furrowed brows. His face looks so happy. So happy because of me? “I know you just like me sexually, but have I also been growing on you, baby?” he gives me a fucking sly-ass smile.

I bury my face into both of my hands, and try to avoid eye contact with him at all costs. “Last night when you told me your feelings, you have also been falling in love with me, right?” he scruffs the top of my head with his hand, as if I was a child. Jesus, this guy is younger than me.

I uncover my face quickly and widen my hooded eyes. He’s getting ahead of himself, here. Who said I was falling in love with this brat? “I didn’t say shit, so shut the fuck up,” I say, pointing a finger at him before stuffing my face with my wrap to try and stop the conversation.

“You’re so full of shit, Levi! You actually like me, don’t you? Just say it,” Eren teases me, and right then I feel like punching this fucker in the face. It would have been easier to say nothing.

I continue eating my food with no doubt a red tinge to my cheeks, and Eren keeps on staring at me. When I gently place the wrap down on the table to take a sip of my tea, Eren stops me and takes it as an opportunity to reach out for my hand with a firm grip on it. The nerve this brat has.

“I like you. I really, really do, Levi,” Eren suddenly says to me with an all-serious expression which definitely catches me off guard. I blush furiously, “I’m falling in love hard and fast. I don’t care how long I’ve known you, you’re such an amazing person to me. And I want you.”

I swear I’m getting redder with every word he says to me. His hand is so warm and his eyes are extremely intense. “I want to kiss you, touch you, make you feel good, make you happy,” he continues on and I bite my lip, “you need to know this. There’s no doubt I’m forceful, but I don’t want to sit and relax waiting for you to like me, especially since I’ve discovered I may actually have chance. Do I?”

He looks awfully hopeful, and it strains my heart. How can someone as amazing as him like a human being like me? What did I do to make him feel this way towards me?

“I… I don’t know. I’m not sure if I can do it, Eren. I’m just no good with relationships, since I’ve had such little experience, and issues would occur for sure. And, well, I haven’t confessed to my friends yet that I like guys. I’m just not prepared,” I tell him, and he seems to be listening intently.

“That’s okay, Levi. I’ll be there for you the entire way. If you need it, I can be there when you tell them all. As for if you became my lover, do not worry. Just be who you are. That’s why I like you so much,” Eren tries to comfort me as my insides go ballistic. His fingers move to intertwine with mine. His hand is so sturdy, not trembling like mine.

I completely forget that there are people around us, but Eren doesn’t seem to care. Of course he doesn’t, he’s so confident with himself. He speaks again. “Do you like me? Please be completely honest with me,” Eren’s pupils dilate as they look right into mine. I’ve been honest with him, just not completely to either of us.

I close my eyes for a moment to try and calm my heart rate. I can’t seem to chill out; I’m trembling in nervousness.

But then I finally think to myself, in that moment, that it’s okay to admit to liking him. It’s okay I’m giving into myself a little bit more, and admitting that I like him way more than I got myself thinking. It’s okay because I’m telling him only, and no one has to know yet. It’s okay because it’s Eren and I want him to want me. I’ve wanted that so much in this short time I’ve known him.

“Of course I fucking like you. Hasn’t it been obvious to a brat like you?” I tell him in frustration, though I’m not sure why. Perhaps I’m just frustrated with myself?

Eren’s face lights up immediately, like a fucking kid on Christmas. He literally looks like a beautiful, radiant summer day. “Really? Not just sexually, right? Like, full on, genuine feelings?” he asks me, although I already told him. God, this guy is unbelievable.

“Yes, Eren! I really, really fucking like you. How many times do I have to say it?” I scratch at my neck, purely out of being so fucking nervous I could die. But I do like him, so much. For so many different, wonderful reasons.

Eren Jaeger got it out of me. This man I had come to admire and adore so quickly. How does he do it?

He lets go of his tight grip and uses both of his hands to cup both of my cheeks. He squishes them together and I frown annoyingly. “You’re so cute, baby!” he tells me with the widest grin ever.

“Oh shut it,” I say, and remove his large tanned hands off my face. I’m embarrassed, completely and utterly, but he looks so happy. That alone makes me feel a little better. He chuckles like a dork at me.

Now that I’ve said it, I can’t turn back. I’m truly falling for Eren Jaeger, and I know exactly where. In love.

I sure haven’t known this beautiful man for long, but that doesn’t matter much to me anymore. I’m going to give this a shot, because obviously he’s very fond of me, as I am for him. Normal people do this, don’t they? Time doesn’t have to measure everything, right?

For the first time in my fucking life, I’m going to live a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg it felt like forever for Levi to finally give in xD He just needed that push from Eren to help him.
> 
> You guys seem to really like the sexual tension in this story, and of course there's going to be more of that, because I love it to :)
> 
> I've got plenty of hot scenes in my head, just waiting to be written down. I can't wait to dive into this relationship more, and I hope you stay to read about it :)
> 
> Thank you for the support, again, you are all so wonderful xx
> 
> Bye for now :)


	28. Trace

“Yeah, Jean, I’ll be back at your place a little later,” Eren walks around with his phone pressed up against his face, talking to my best friend. The face Eren’s making seems unsettled; with his eyebrows furrowed and eyes intense. Why is that so?

I sit there on my couch, watching him walk around me slowly. I tend to do the same thing when I’m taking a phone call; I wander aimlessly everywhere, no matter who I’m talking to. It’s a strange habit.

“I just want to hang out with Levi. You wanted me to get to know your best friend, right? That’s what I’m doing,” he speaks to my idiot of a friend as if I wasn’t here. It’s not a lie, he is staying here to spend time with me, but…

What the fuck are we going to be even doing?

I grasp at my knees with a tight grip and look down. I did not think this through, how is that even possible? How did an over thinker like me not think this whole situation through, thoroughly and analytically, like the madman I am? It’s kind of ironic really.

I invited Eren to stay longer tonight, and he literally agreed to right away. I don’t know why he wants to (I expected him to say no), but he seemed very happy that I suggested the idea. I swear to God I will never come to understand why he’s so fond of me, but he is, and I’m just exactly the same with him.

“He’s been fine this morning,” Eren plops himself down on the couch next to me, awfully close may I might add, and assume he’s talking about me. My hands grip tighter on my knees nervously. Purely just because he’s close to me, “just fine.” He looks at me warmly as he says the words ever so gently.

Eren slithers his hand onto mine, and grasps it as it rests on my knee. I notice how tanned and muscular his hand is and compare it to my pale, bonier one. I look almost frail against him, but that’s no secret. I don’t dance energetically like he does, I don’t go outside as much as him, I’m really nothing like him at all. I’m just an artist who sits on his ass, listens to music and gets frustrated at himself constantly for too many different reasons. I have no brilliant glow like Eren does, or confidence.

Somehow, still, he likes me anyway. He must be bloody mental, but he’s so beautiful that that doesn’t even matter.

I turn my hand around so that it holds onto his own, and I find myself a little surprised at my own actions. I don’t normally make any moves on him; he’s the one that does it all. It’s kind of nice though, holding his hand like this. I feel some sort of comfort and safety from the contact.

I can’t deny the fact that my ears are probably tinted red at this very moment, but I simply cannot help that. My body responds to him in ways where it’s impossible to control myself. That’s the way it is with him.

“Oi, you bastard, don’t you dare spray paint my clothes while I’m gone!” Eren bursts out laughing, but nonetheless still has a look of worry on his face. I would to; you never have a clue what Jean is capable of. “Okay, fucker, see you later.” He says with a smirk and ends the phone call.

He wriggles his hand into his pocket to place his phone there, and then places it on top of my knee where both our hands are holding each other’s. “I like touching your hands,” he tells me out of the blue, “they’re so pale and delicate. When I see you draw with them, it looks so perfect to me. Not to mention, they’re smaller than mine and it’s the cutest thing.” He grins widely.

I sort of pout, not knowing what do or say next. He takes that as an opportunity to press his gentle fingers under my chin and look straight into my eyes. I feel my stomach drop, but he continues as he brings his thumb up to my bottom lip to stroke it. I stay completely lost in his green eyes as they darken with something like lust, and it’s God damn toxic.

“I also really like your lips,” Eren tells me in a darker voice than before, and it definitely stirs something within me, “so beautifully shaped, untainted and extremely fuckable. Especially when you bring out your bottom lip like that. You really have no idea how many times I’ve thought about them since I’ve met you.” He tilts my head up slightly and moves his head closer to mine.

I find myself at lost for words yet again. Every single sweet, but dirty thing he says to me makes me crave him so much more. I don’t even know how I could want him anymore than I do now.

“Eres muy sexy,” his voice goes to a low, seductive tone. He folds my lip down and inserts his thumb into my mouth, just so it’s resting against my teeth, “you’re very sexy.” I guess that was the translation, but I don’t think too much about it as I see him looking down at me with that lustful expression of his.

Sexy? How can anyone like me appear sexy to him? Is he completely crazy? He’s the definition of sexy. Anyone in their right mind would have to think that.

Eren moves his hand away from my chin and moves his lips closer. He lightly pecks me on the side of my mouth and slowly moves downwards onto my neck. I lift my head up and to the side to grant him more access, so he kisses my neck everywhere, leaving small marks as he pleases.

I close my eyes as I relish in this feeling of his beautifully perfect affections. I let out a small whimper, and he uses one hand to grasp onto my thigh. He kneads it in his hand as he leaves traces of himself on me. “Get on my lap,” he tells me in a desperate whisper that I can’t simply deny.

I won’t let it go too far. I won’t let myself get carried away in this. It’s okay just to fool around a bit, isn’t it? It wouldn’t hurt for Eren to be this intimate for a little while longer. I’m enjoying it so much, and it feels so nice. I don’t want to think of even stopping now.

I nervously put each one of my thighs to the side of him and rest my lower body on his. I place my hands on his shoulders to keep myself balanced. Eren looks at me with a breathtaking smile, much different to his look beforehand. He runs his hands up and down my thighs and goes around the back to grasp onto my ass.

“Something wrong, baby? You haven’t said anything for a while now,” he says slyly, and gently massages my ass with his masculine hands. I feel my entire face become red, and I furrow my eyebrows intensely with my eyes wandering to the side, showing clearly that I’m embarrassed.

“Wh-what are you doing with your hands?” I ask him, and he chuckles for some reason. My embarrassment is not funny. He’s probably used to people not questioning his antics like this. I’m just unfortunately so new to all of this stuff.

“I’ve never told you how much I love your ass, haven’t I? Oh God, baby, there are so many aspects about you that drive me crazy,” he confesses as he looks up at me through his fantastic lashes. His hands keep going underneath to touch my crotch every now and again, and it literally makes me squirm. Eren knows exactly what he’s doing to me.

“You’re so shapely, Levi. It’s undeniably sexy,” he continues to knead me in his hands as I feel his warm breath fan over my face, “your ass looks so damn good in those jeans you wear. So perky and full. You’re so fucking beautiful, baby.” I hear a desperate tone in his voice, which definitely turns me on further.

He’s saying all these wonderful things about me, and I’m sitting there, unable to utter a word. I want to tell him he’s beautiful, so, so much more beautiful than I ever will be. I also want to tell him sweet things, but I can barely hold myself together as it is.

“Can… can I please touch you?” I ask him gently as I trace my hand down his torso. I don’t want to touch him in ‘that’ way, I just want to feel his body with my hands and explore him a little more. I promised myself I wouldn’t go too far, but it’s becoming more and more difficult with each passing second.

No, I won’t let myself do something I’m not completely comfortable with yet.

“Sure, baby,” Eren replies as he unbuttons his shirt right in front of me. A little wave of bravery comes over me and I stop him from going further by grabbing onto his hand. He looks up confusedly and it’s so cute.

“No, I want to do it,” I tell him as I rid of his tanned hands and replace them with my pale ones. He seems to be amused for some odd reason, but I decide to focus on unbuttoning his shirt.

When it’s completely done, I fold the shirt away, and revealed to me is his body. Oh God, his body is brilliant. So nicely tanned, so muscular but not too muscular for my taste (oh, so now I have a taste?) and flawless. I spot the black ink on his chest of his mother’s name, and think back to the dance studio when I saw it for the first time then.

Eren was teaching me some salsa, and although I knew was fucking horrible at it, he didn’t say anything of the sort. He’s such a nice person. Why can’t there be more people like him in the world?

I start to run my index finger along the outline of the muscles on his chest. They’re so prominent and smooth; I could just keep touching him like this forever. I start to use my entire hand to touch him, moving along down his abs where I spot a noticeable v-line. I look at Eren and see that he’s closing his eyes as I caress his body; he seems to be liking it, I think.

Completely out of my control, I move one hand to his face to cup it. He opens his eyes slightly and tilts his head to smile into my hand. He’s so perfect.

“Keep touching me the way you do, baby. Do what feels right to you,” Eren whispers gently and I nod my head. I like how Eren isn’t being forceful with me. He knows I’m not experienced like he is, and so is letting me do what I want. I don’t feel uncomfortable at all.

I trace light patterns into his skin, watching his breathing become a little faster with each movement. I guess he likes being touched that way. I gain a little confidence within myself and start using my tongue along his chest. I press the muscle against his skin, and my body heats up even more. How can I do this when I’m that nervous?

I pull away and put my face in my hands. I want to do it so badly, but I’m way too embarrassed to actually commit. I wish I was better with this type of shit.

“Hey,” Eren gently coaxes, and I reveal a little bit of my eyes to him. He looks so calm and relaxed, totally the opposite of me, “if you want to do that to me, you can. There’s no reason for you to be embarrassed, okay? Remember, you can do anything you want.” He looks so God damn gentle and kind it hurts.

“Okay,” is all I say in a quiet tone. I place my tongue onto his chest, not knowing what to do. In my fantasies, it seemed to just be all automatic to me. Now it’s the real thing, and I don’t know what the fuck I should do.

I go along the line of his chest muscles, leaving a wet rail as I go on. As I experiment with that, I begin to kiss his chest all over. Eren’s hands go up my back slowly and then down into my pants, to grasp onto my ass there. I let out a small yelp that he chuckles at.

He is touching my bare ass, oh my God.

Despite being freaked out and nervous as fuck, I continue on trying to please him. My kisses and licks go up further towards his neck, where he tilts his head so I am given easier access there. My hands are placed on his shoulders to keep myself steady, and his are still playing with me down below. Lord, what have I gotten myself into?

I nibble at his neck, trying to do what he does to me, but I hear him wince in pain instead of moan. I stop myself immediately. Jesus, I am so bad at this! “No, baby, not that hard. A little gentler, yeah?” Eren instructs me with a soft voice and I bite my lip in shame.

I don’t answer him, and go straight for his neck again. I bite and suck gently on his tender skin, and after a little while, he lets out a whimper. I blush furiously and look up to see his eyes shut; very relaxed. God, I’m so turned on right now.

One of his fingers gently trails along my entrance, and I can’t help it but become all tense and yelp. I cover my mouth with both of my small hands and he smirks right at me. Cheeky little shit.

A moment after, I hear a loud knock that makes the both of us jump. We both look towards the door with widened eyes, and I immediately get off Eren (of course, due to my luck, I get off him being the clumsiest shit ever). I pull my pants up a little bit and Eren buttons his shirt with haste.

“Shit, for fuck’s sake!” I say in a whisper, a little panicked. I shouldn’t be, but me being me, frustrates myself by doing so.

Another knock is heard at the door again, more obnoxious than the last, and familiar voice follows right after.

“Levi, are you home? It’s Hanji!” the voice calls loudly. I know that tone of voice quite well.

What are they doing here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 2am here and I just finished writing this chapter lol. I had too much homework this week so I had no time to write xD
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter! I know we haven't really dived into the hot stuff yet, but poor Levi is inexperienced and knows so little about sex and all that shit. He needs to learn a bit first, get more comfortable with being with Eren and then... yeah, maybe some fun stuff happens ;)
> 
> BUT!
> 
> This story is not all about the sex! It's meant to be about developing relationships, friendships, the characters, the stuff that happens in between and so on. There's much more to this story than the smut that is going to come :)
> 
> Until next time xx


	29. Hickeys

“Levi! It’s been too long, how are you, darling?” Hanji says energetically, as they wrap their arms around me. The embrace is so tight I can barely breathe, but I don’t say a thing. I’m just quite surprised they’re here.

I hug back, not really knowing what else to do. I’m not one to be very affectionate, and then again I’m not good at showing that kind of thing either. Hanji pulls away after a few seconds and greets me with a wide smile, with their hands grasping my shoulders. Their hair is tied up messily (as usual), and they’re wearing a long, hooded coat with denim jeans. Very ‘Hanji’ of them.

“I’ve missed that miserable look of yours, so much. God, why don’t you visit me?” they say as they pull me into another killer embrace. I swear, one day I’m going to be crushed by their hugs. What a God damn drama queen they are.

I nearly forget Eren is here, but I don’t have the opportunity to even take a glimpse of him to see where he is, because Hanji is literally yelling to my face. “Jesus, I’m going to die, let go,” I struggle out, and they immediately let go with a chuckle.

“I’m sorry, darling,” they apologise with a saddened smile, “it’s just that I’ve been home by myself for months, and I was expecting you to come visit me sooner or later. But nope! You’ve forgotten about me, you devil child.” Hanji teases as they grab the top of my head and ruffle it aggressively. I frown.

“Of course I haven’t, you moronic shitty-glasses,” I say with frustration, as I smack away their hand and straighten my posture, “I’ve just… I’ve just been very pre-occupied is all. With my art and shit.” I reply with an excuse.

It’s not that I’ve been avoiding seeing them, that’s not it at all. My art skills the past few months haven’t progressed much at all, and so I’ve been stuck at home, getting frustrated with myself while trying to draw something decent. I don’t work well being agitated, and I’ve definitely taken note of that.

Now that I have thought about it, I haven’t picked up my pencil in a few days. That’s quite a while for me. I must get back to drawing soon; I can’t let this artist’s block last any longer.

Sure I’ve done some sketches here and there, most of them consisting of Eren, but I want to draft something properly. Something that stands out to me and has a meaning behind it. I like my artworks to have something like that; it’s what keeps me sane.

I could do a painting of Eren one day; it’s definitely something I’ve thought about. But what would it look like? I want his eyes to be the main focus of the image, however. So perhaps, I’ll paint it, so that his eyes look like they’re glistening; like they’re staring right into your own, giving you a sense of warmth through your heart.

I would like to believe I could paint him like that, but I’m not the best with colour, and I’m sure to ruin his beautiful features. I could paint him in black and white, but they wouldn’t be able to bring out his warmth and gorgeous nature like colours could.

“Pre-occupied, aye? Yes, I’ve seen you’ve been very busy,” they say with a sly smile. I twist my face, not knowing what the hell they’re talking about. Then, they suddenly bring a hand to my neck and touch a sensitive spot there.

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“I cannot believe this, the Levi Ackerman, has a fucking girlfriend! God, I never thought this day would come. So, what’s her name, darling? Is she pretty?” Hanji questions obnoxiously, and I let out a sigh of annoyance.

Jesus, this is the second time my hickeys have been noticed and it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours yet since the first time. I love it when he kisses my neck, God I do, but he leaves such obvious marks there. It’s kind of beautiful though, the way he likes to leave indents of his affections. Like he’s claiming me as his by doing so.

And it just had to be Hanji to see the hickeys on my neck. Great, they’re the last person I want to see them; they make such a big deal out of everything. “I don’t have a bloody girlfriend, now get out of my face,” I reply harshly, but somehow nervously at the same time.

I hear a very pretty chuckle from behind me, and I know right away that it’s Eren. Has he been watching us the whole time? Of course he has, where else would he have gone?

“Oh, who’s that, Levi? He’s awfully gorgeous,” Hanji puts a finger to their lip and looks sceptically at Eren. God, this idiot always speak their mind without thinking. It’s an odd trait of theirs that definitely has its good and bad points. I’m not so quick to talk like them.

“I’m Levi’s friend, Eren Jaeger. Nice to meet you,” he replies sweetly as he comes up behind me to rest a hand on my shoulder. He brings out his other hand for Hanji to shake it, and I silently watch them. He’s so good with people; I really wish I had some of that kind of persona in me. I would get along with people so much better.

Hanji looks impressed, but questioning. They take Eren’s hand and shake it firmly. “You to, Eren, I’m Hanji. Oh, and just so you’re aware, please use their/they pronouns when referring to me. Hope that doesn’t bother you,” they inform him. For some reason, Eren smiles widely, and it literally steals the breath out of my lungs.

Hanji has been bigender since before I was born. When they were very young, they were living in an orphanage. Hanji’s parents gave them up because of financial issues, which to me, is a shitty excuse to leave your child. But, that was Hanji’s mother and father’s situation, and they took that chance.

Were they reluctant to give them to an orphanage? None of us know, not even Hanji, the child themselves at the time. It’s hard to imagine they let them go with ease, but it’s possible. Were they hoping for a better life for them with different parents, and is that why they did what they did?

There are many questions Hanji wants answered, but they don’t choose to linger on it too much. They have grown getting used to the idea of never knowing, and so have lived their life trying not to dwell on the past. They’ve created a really nice life for themselves, which is amazing to see. I’m happy for them.

About Hanji’s gender, supposedly they have been very confused about their gender since a very young age. Hanji told me the thoughts occurred to them while they were in the orphanage, but didn’t really act on it for a while. Eventually, they told one of the guardians there, and they were so incredible about it. They helped Hanji, and soon they identified themselves as a bigender.

If it wasn’t for telling the guardian, Hanji wouldn’t be nearly as confident as they are now. Of course, I support them so much. Sometimes, people cannot help feeling different about themselves. Like they’re in the wrong body, or so on. It’s life. If anyone even dared to hurt Hanji for who they are, I would beat them to a fucking pulp.

“No, of course it doesn’t bother me,” Eren lets go of their hand and gives Hanji a warm smile. Of course this kid has nothing against people like Hanji; he’s too pure and understanding. God, he’s beautiful.

“Well good, ‘cause I wasn’t going to give a shit if you were bothered by it,” Hanji puts their hands on their hips and laughs to them self. Eren chuckles, but I continue to stay silent; watching the both of them converse, “I’m Levi’s aunt/uncle whatever, but since that’s just annoying to deal with, he just calls me Hanji. Have you been taking care of my darling?” they ask, and I give a look of annoyance.

Eren laughs nervously, and I give Hanji a more agitated look. Jesus, don’t they realise what they say is fucking embarrassing and weird as shit? “Fuck’s sake, Hanji, I’m older than this kid,” I retort, gesturing to him with a wave of my thumb. Eren grabs onto my hair suddenly.

“Oi, I’m only five years younger than you,” Eren says cheekily, and tugs on my hair gently as he looks down at me, “don’t get so ahead of yourself, Levi. I’m not a kid anymore.” He grins widely. I scrunch my face up and flick his hand away from the top of my head.

Eren’s face is so God damn pretty when he smiles. I wish he would stop being so beautiful sometimes, because it drives me mental. Then again, I absolutely love seeing him like this; so I think, how could I wish this away?

It’s just not possible.

“To me you are, you brat,” I say in a low voice. I grab his nose firmly and pinch it while pulling my hand away in a swift motion. Eren pulls a face at me, which I have to say, is really fucking adorable. I smirk at him.

“You guys seem to be really close,” Hanji interrupts the moment between us, with one hand placed on their hip, “I’m glad you’ve made more friends, darling. I know you’ve got Jean and all, but it’s good to see that you are actually socialising.” They tease, and I roll my eyes. I nearly forgot they were there for a second.

“Oh, shut your mouth. Just for your information, I do get about,” I tell them, and they nod their head, seeming not to agree with me. I can tell by the disbelieving look in their eyes. Well, I guess I’m kind of telling a fib.

Hanji crosses their arms over their chest. “Yeah, I’m sure you do. C’mon kiddo, I’m a part of the family; I know you quite well,” they say as they scruff the top of my head. I grow a little agitated, but that is no surprise. What is with people and touching my hair? “Even though we are not blood related, and was adopted by your grandmother, I know you very well. None of that changes that fact.”

Hanji smiles at me warmly, but I avoid their eye contact. “Did you come to stay here for a while, or just to tell me that obvious fact?” I ask, and they chuckle. Eren slings an arm around me and I suddenly stiffen up a bit.

It wouldn’t bother me so much if Hanji wasn’t here. I know very well I don’t have to hide anything from them, especially my sexuality, because I know they’d understand. But that is the same with any of my friends. I know they would all support me no matter what, but I’m the issue here. I will tell them when it feels right, but for now, I want this… this thing going on between Eren and I to be kept secret.

I don’t know what the fuck is going on with him and me at the moment, but it feels amazing, fun and it definitely gives me a sense of adrenaline. Being able to touch him, explore him, experiment with him gives me a wave of different emotions I could not possibly decipher.

It feels almost exciting.

“I came here to annoy the fuck out of you, and to see Mikasa,” Hanji smiles like a sly cat, and I let out a sigh of frustration. Yeah, they’re doing a great job of annoying me already, “if she’s here of course. I know she gets caught up in her modelling, so it’s doubtful. Perhaps I’ll go visit her at her home, then.”

“Mikasa is here, actually. She’s staying at my place for a bit, but she’s not here at the moment. A whole lot of us went drinking last night, and well, she probably went back to Petra’s,” I reply, putting my hand under my chin as I think.

Hanji nods their head and reaches for my neck again. “So, this ‘night out’ is the reason you got those hickeys I’m guessing,” they flick my neck and I wince. Fuck, I thought we were past this, “jeez, aren’t you lucky! It’s no surprise though, you are one good looking young man. Hey Eren, do you know how he got these?” Hanji looks towards Eren and questions him.

He appears completely calm and neutral. What’s he going to say about them? “I wouldn’t have a clue, Hanji. To be fair, he was too drunk of his ass to remember. Weren’t you?” Eren looks down at me, expecting a response.

Not exactly a great answer, but it’s bloody well better than nothing so I’m going with it. I’m just really grateful that he understands I’m not completely ready yet, to tell anyone. “Yeah, I wouldn’t know who I got these from,” I say, trying to look them in the eyes with a straight face.

“Wow, you’re wild, Levi,” Hanji mocks me and I furrow my eyebrows. They move past Eren and I, and into the small living room. The both of us watch them, “done any good artworks while I’ve been gone? I’d really love to see.” Hanji walks towards my door and opens it without permission. Nosy bugger.

“Yeah, I’ve done a few, I’ll show you,” I turn away from Eren as I reply. Hanji walks into my room and I’m about to follow them, when I suddenly feel a tight grasp around my wrist.

I turn back immediately, wondering what Eren stopped me for. “I’m so sorry, baby,” Eren looks a little concerned, and I appear a little confused. Is he talking about the hickeys? “I promise I’ll be more careful; I can understand how you would be feeling stressed about people noticing them.”

His expression seems a little pained, and I honestly want to slap it off him. Eren shouldn’t have to feel worried for me; yes, he did leave those marks, but I let him. There’s no denying that.

“There’s no need to apologise, Eren. I let you leave them, so it’s my problem to deal with. Besides, I really like it when you kiss my neck the way you do,” I say, slowly becoming red in the face as I admit that to him. God, I’ve told him a number of things already, and I’m still blushing like a little girl?

“Aw, baby,” Eren coos, and smiles in a way where his face is scrunched up slightly. It’s awfully cute. He then grabs onto my cheek gently, and I look down in embarrassment, “you’re too adorable for words. Would you like me to leave hickeys on you more often?” Eren teases and I frown.

“Not just on your neck; perhaps your torso, your stomach and on the insides of your thighs? Would you like that, baby? My head in between your delicious legs?” Eren’s voice drops to a low, seductive whisper in my ear. I feel a chill running down my spine, and I fluster even more (if that’s even possible).

“M-Maybe…” I reply nervously. Jesus Christ, the both of us are such perverts. Of course, it’s all Eren’s doing. It’s his fault I’m like this.

Eren tilts my head with his thumb and index finger. I shut my eyes slightly, waiting for him to plant a kiss on my neck, but he doesn’t. Instead he leaves me like that and walks on into my room, where Hanji is.

Bastard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An introduction to a new character :) I really love Hanji, so I just had to include them in my story. I very much like to view Hanji as a bigender individual, so yes, I've included that.
> 
> There will definitely be more of Hanji, that's for sure. Some of you have been asking if Ymir would be coming back, and yes, she definitely will be! I like the Ymir I've created, and I'm looking forward to bringing her back.
> 
> I hope all of you enjoyed this update xx


	30. Mother

Today is the day Eren goes back home. It’s only been a couple of days since that time I admitted my feelings for him, and when Hanji suddenly came over and disrupted our intimate moment. And so, the time for him to leave has finally arrived.

I haven’t seen Eren in the duration of those couple of days; I’ve been at home, sketching, creating, getting frustrated and imagining him doing perverted things to me as I make myself feel good. It’s pathetic I know; I sound like a total loser, and to make it worse I haven’t created anything decent at all. I’ve been drawing Eren mindlessly, a thousand times or more, and I still haven’t made a draft that captures the essence for who he really is.

I’m so close to giving up, to be honest. It’s not difficult to draw Eren, but it’s hard to draw the perfect image of him. I’m a perfectionist, what can I say? I’m thinking I should just move on, but I want to draw him. I want to paint him. I want him to see it and show him that I can do beautiful things to.

I’ll never be able to dance the way he does, say words in other languages the way he does, look as gorgeous as he does or do anything to make him feel as good as he does for me. Just his pure existence outweighs me massively.

So maybe, just maybe, I can do something beautiful for Eren? It may just be a singular painting, but I’m me, and that’s all I’ve got to offer. That’s why I want to make it perfect, so perhaps it touches his heart, just like his pretty words alone do for me.

Nothing I paint would be able to show his true beauty; his radiant smile, gorgeous, big titan-green eyes or the enticing curvature of his lips. But I want my final product to show even just a little bit of that. If it’s even possible.

Eren Jaeger is too stunning for words, and he likes me. Me, out of everyone in the world. What did I do to deserve his affection?

After Hanji saw my artworks, they left to go to Petra’s house to see if Mikasa was there. Eren stayed for only a little while longer, and in that time, he kept staring at all the paintings in my room. He made comments here and there, complimenting each and every one of them.

And then his eyes landed on a specific piece that seemed to catch his eyes the most. Eren’s movements suddenly became still, and I became anxious. I looked towards where he was looking at, and realised he was entranced by a painting I did of my deceased mother.

I did it so long ago, only weeks after I graduated high school. Her appearance in one of my dreams inspired me, and so I painted her. I wasn’t upset while making it at the start, then I grew emotional as I continued, and it became hard for me to finish. I eventually did it, but that night I finished, I cried myself to sleep.

I don’t know why I went through with it, but part of me needed to finish it. That part of me wanted to create a statuesque artwork of my mother, as if it felt it would be telling her I miss her; that I’m giving respect to her, even in death.

I didn’t know what to feel as I looked at the piece then; misery, longing? None of that, but Eren was completely immersed. His eyes wouldn’t leave it, and my heart strained for some reason at that time.

He eventually asked if that was a drawing of my mother, and I told him the truth. I wasn’t surprised that he guessed that, because we did look a lot alike. She was a beautiful woman, and I failed her, as I turned into a fuck-up of a son. I wish I was a better person, but perhaps with her guidance, I could have been?

Eren quietly asked how she died, and I replied to him with absolute honesty. I told him how my beloved mother committed suicide.

He stayed silent, probably not too sure what to say after I told him something as awful as that. He continued looking at it though, as I watched from behind. I couldn’t identify any emotion from him, but he stayed completely still, as if my painting had the ability to petrify.

Not too long after, I heard a sad whimper from him. Followed along by a sniffle, and another sad whimper. Eventually, I watched him as he let out soft, strangled sobs into his hands. And, oh, were they very sad.

I didn’t know what to do or say; I was petrified myself. I was stuck, watching him with wide eyes, as my heart ached desperately for him. It was my first time seeing him cry, and although it was sad, the tear-stained face I saw afterwards was still too beautiful for words.

He apologised for crying, and I told him he shouldn’t be. It was overwhelming when he started crying; I had no idea that the artwork and the explanation of my mother’s death would move him so much. Though, when Jean first saw it, he couldn’t stop crying like a baby. As well as with Petra and Farlan. I wondered why on Earth they were the ones crying; people who have never met her before, but I figured it that they formed some sort of emotional bond with the image. Maybe because I was so affected by my mother’s death, they sensed this kind of feeling of mine in the piece?

Perhaps, Eren himself, saw exactly what my best friends saw? That feeling of longing I had for my mother when I made it?

Eren’s face was red and looked very upset, and I regretted letting him come into my room. Seeing him like that made me depressed myself, but he eventually got over it as I sat down with him and held his hand, in silence, for a full fifteen minutes, as he calmed himself.

I didn’t know what else I could do to comfort him, so I did something that would comfort me if I was distressed. It thankfully seemed to help him.

He told me that my mother was very beautiful, just like me, but I stayed silent. Mum was much more alluring; he just doesn’t know her like I did. Then again, did I really know her at all?

Eren kissed my cheek, and said that I was the most pulchritudinous person to exist. It was a very different word to use, and then he explained to me that no word was perfect enough to describe me. I’m not going to lie, my heart gave in right there and then, and I had the urge to kiss the lips of this flawless man.

But I didn’t do it. I simply didn’t have the courage.

Eren said his farewells soon after, and left on that note. I didn’t expect his leaving to turn out that way, but it did.

Mikasa came back home an hour after, looking tired but rather happy. She explained her tired nature as staying up the whole night with Petra, gossiping and such; as girls do. I really love how fond Petra is of my sister; it’s nice to see them with female friends.

Eren has texted me a few times before his leave today, but his texts are only very simple and short; asking how I’m doing, what I’m up to and shit. It’s such a normal thing among our world, and yet I never seem to stop getting giddy every time I see a notification from him.

I’m strange, I know that very well.

And as of right now, I’m sitting on the top of my bed. With my hair falling down my face, my eyes closed in concentration, my pants unzipped and my hand moving up and down- I’m jacking off to Eren, once again.

I let out low breaths, my hand going faster up and down my length as pleasure overtakes me. I think of Eren dirty-talking in my ear in a whisper, as he thrusts his cock into me relentlessly. His body gaining moisture, his low grunts as he goes harder and faster: every perverted thing imaginable.

“Oh, Eren, please…” I say in a whiny voice that makes me blush in embarrassment. God, I’m so pathetic. But none of that changes the fact that I’m still moaning like a little bitch.

I bite onto my shirt to try and repress my small moans, but I end up salivating on it, so I take my mouth away. In my own little fantasy, Eren tells me more dirty things, and the thought of all his sexy words nearly makes me collapse right there on my bed. I’m a sucker for dirty talk.

“Fuck, Eren, faster…hah,” I say in a low voice, my mouth opening a little because of the immense pleasure. I’ve completely shut out my surroundings, and I can only focus on the Eren having sex with me in my mind. I hear the weird, wet sound become a little louder as I continue.

And then my heart stops.

“Oh, whoa, what a sight to see here,” I hear a very familiar voice say clearly. I stop what I’m doing immediately and look up to the door, “how you doing, baby?”

Oh fuck, Eren just saw me.

His face is peaking through the door ever so slightly, and what I see is a sly smile and a sort of red tinge to his features that I don’t normally see. I rush to button my pants up, leaving a slight bulge evident there. Shit, shit, shit, fucking shit.

My face becomes the reddest thing to exist, I’m not even lying. I feel my entire body heat up actually, and the embarrassment hits me like a truck. Why the fuck did this have to happen? “You were calling for me?” Eren teases. He opens the door wider and steps through. He closes it behind him and turns to expose the slyest motherfucking expression ever to exist.

Fucking bastard.

“I didn’t fucking invite you into my home, now did I?” I say in frustration, my face scrunching up. “Just, fucking-” I get cut off from my cursing, as Eren grips my right hand and kneels on my bed with me.

“Your sister did. Have you forgotten she was here? Gosh, if she heard those loud, wet noises and your moaning, she would be mortified, wouldn’t she?” Eren looks deeply into my eyes and continues to tease me further. I honestly just can’t believe he walked in on me at my most vulnerable presence, calling out for him. God, my chest hurts.

“Please, stop talking,” I say, as I squint my eyes in sheer embarrassment. Why is he teasing me at a time like this? Fuck my life.

“So you masturbate to me, hey? God, you’re so fucking sexy,” Eren says with lust in his eyes, and trails his index finger down my torso. I squirm, and see that his crotch has a bump appearing through his pants. Oh Lord. “I came here to say a little goodbye before I left to go home, and then I came near your room, and I could hear you moaning, jacking off, calling my name…fuck, you make me so hard, baby.” His voice seems desperate.

Eren’s eyes go a lighter shade of green, and looks absolutely wild. He darts out his tongue to lick his lips seductively, and I bite my lip. “I want to tell you a little something,” his voice is very low and quiet, as if he’s telling a secret. He unbuttons my top and I watch with widened eyes and a red face, “I like to masturbate to you too.”

My stomach drops. Literally fucking drops and doesn’t seem to stop. “I like to imagine your warm mouth around my cock; licking, sucking, playing. The thought of me being able to bury myself into your delicious ass, as you scream and moan…is so fucking hot,” Eren tells me as he situates himself between my legs, “shit, I’m so fucking horny. Let me touch you.” His voice becomes even more desperate.

“You-you bloody pervert,” I struggle out. My body is trembling, I can fucking feel it. How is he able to tell me things like that? I’m too much of a pussy; I could never be as honest as him.

Eren cups my face with my hand and tilts his head. “Oh, and you’re not? Please, baby, I just caught you stroking your dick and calling out for me. We’re both just as perverted as each other,” Eren looks up at me from his position, and my heart races too fast to be considered healthy.

He folds away my shirt and ducks down to trail his tongue along my torso. I close my eyes and relish in the feeling of him consuming me like this. Fuck, this feels good. “I promise I won’t do anything much, just let me touch you like this, please,” he says in a rushed voice, and moves his mouth to suck on one of my nipples, “you’re so fucking beautiful, baby. Your body reacts to me so wonderfully.”

He sucks and licks both of my nipples. One hand plays with one, while he sucks on another, and then he swaps over. “E-Eren…oh, fuck,” I say in a quiet whisper. This feels oddly good; I never thought I would ever be touched this way.

Eren promised he wouldn’t do anything much yet, so I’m going to trust him and let him make me feel good for now. God knows that I’ve been craving his touches. “Feel good, baby?” he asks me, as I look down and see both my nipples covered in his saliva. He knows bloody well I’m enjoying this.

I watch him at work; his tongue caressing me so gently and fantastically. He looks so sexy, and I swear I become even harder, if that’s even possible. “You fucking tease,” I struggle out. I hear and feel him chuckle against me.

“Only for you, Levi,” he replies softly. I slowly reach out my hands and start playing with his hair, for some strange reason. I don’t know why, the urge just suddenly occurred to me. His hair is so soft and silky, I’d love to pull on it as he-

And my perverted thinking stops there.

“Oh. My. God,” a female voice says in staccato, and both Eren and I turn to see a very shocked Mikasa at my bedroom door. I widen my eyes, but the boy with his head to my chest appears to be calm.

For fuck’s sake.


	31. Two Weeks

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! Doesn’t anyone know how to knock?” I yell out in frustration, not really meaning to speak my thoughts.

          One hand clasps at my forehead and pinches it gently, as if doing that will get rid of the embarrassment and chagrin I feel right now.

          Of course it wouldn’t; nothing could at this moment.

          “Levi, calm yourself a bit,” Eren tells me in a gentle voice, obviously not feeling as agitated as myself. I sigh and furrow my eyebrows down at his statuesque face, peering up with concern from in between my legs.

          How could I simply ‘calm myself a bit’? My bloody sister just walked in on us!

          “Eren, don’t say something like _that_ to a person like me,” I reply, and he puckers his lips for some reason. God, does he find every opportunity to act cute?

          “Okay, okay, okay…” Mikasa walks in and repeats to herself, as if she can’t believe what she just witnessed. I really can’t blame her. “Levi, could you care to explain what the fuck I just saw?”

          Her eyes look absolutely bewildered, but for what reasons? Is she mad because she likes Eren herself, or simply because I was with another man?

          I remove myself from the bed, disturbing Eren’s relaxed position below me. I walk to Mikasa, with no doubt a crimson face. “You saw nothing, just go back to wherever you were,” I tell her, not expecting in the slightest for her to just leave.

          But I can’t form a proper explanation in my head for her.

          She scoffs. “Nothing? _Nothing?_ Are you fucking telling me that what I witnessed here was _nothing?_ Don’t bullshit me!” she seems upset, and her outburst somehow upsets me too.

          I bite down on my bottom lip, trying to keep myself together. “What’s making you so tempered? I’m not doing anything wrong,” I say, looking up at her from my hooded eyes.

          Mikasa’s eyebrows are pinched together, and her mouth is open as if she wants to speak, but can’t connect together a sentence. Why does she seem so _mad?_

          “I’m not tempered! I’m just confused. Is this the reason why you got so touchy when I told you I had an interest in Eren? ‘Cause you were actually…together with him?” she says in disbelief, her index finger pointing to the both Eren and I.

          “What? You like me?” Eren says from behind, interrupting the conversation I thought I would never have with my sister. I turn around and see him tilting his head to the side. What on Earth is he thinking?

          “Like that matters right now!” she says rather loudly, and I notice a red tinge to her perfectly sculptured cheeks. “I want to know what the _hell_ is going on between the two of you.”

          “It’s not really any of your fucking business, now, is it?” I say, raising an eyebrow at her with clear distaste in my tone.

          “Oh shut it, I think I have the God damn right to know, as your sister!”

          “You don’t have to know shit!” I retort.

          “Levi! Stop taking your anger out on your sister,” Eren says sternly, and places a firm tanned hand on my shoulder. I don’t bother to brush it off, even in my state of irritation.

          I look down at the floor and press my tongue to the top of my mouth, hoping to suppress my emotions even a little bit.

          “ _She’s_ the one getting all angry! Jesus, fuck, why is this even happening?” I shake my head and sit down on the edge of my bed. I cup my face with both of my hands and don’t dare to look at the either of them.

          I didn’t expect this, and my sister to it out of all people. When I was ready, I was going to tell them all; but no, it had to happen like _this._ Fuck.

          “Eren, are you dating my brother?” Mikasa questions him seriously. “Why are you hiding this from me? I don’t get it.” She throws her hands in the air dramatically.

          It stays silent for a few seconds or so, and then he answers for me. “We’re…we’re not dating, it’s a little complicated at the moment,” I hear him say in a gentle voice. I peek through my hands to watch him, “I am infatuated by your brother, and he somewhat feels the same. That’s really all there is to it.” He handles the situation. I bite my lip.

          She crosses her arms, her harsh expression disappearing form her face. “Levi? Why didn’t you say something? Why didn’t you tell me that you’re in love with Eren?” her voice quietens down considerably. “Is it because he’s a guy?”

          That’s exactly it.

          “Yes, and I’m not _in love_ with him.” I add.

          “Just because he’s a guy doesn’t change anything. You know that doesn’t matter to me, right?” she kneels down in front of me, acting as an older sister almost. “Shit, and here Eren got me thinking that he was interested in me. Should have told me sooner.” She sighs.

          I probably should have, but I didn’t have the courage to do it. I’m still self-conscious of my sexuality; that feeling just doesn’t go away overnight. Though, it would be awfully fantastic if it could.

          “I’m sorry for acting so aggressive; I was just surprised, is all. And a little bit upset. I mean, I haven’t known Eren for long but I definitely developed a liking for him,” she confesses and tilts her head to try and meet my eyes, “I was being irrational; _extremely._ You being with another guy doesn’t change how much I love you.”

          Of course it doesn’t; it never would have. Though my mind tends to think of the worst and that’s what I end up believing. I’m so easily swayed by my negative thoughts.

          “In fact, I find it rather beautiful that you’ve found someone who you’ve let love you like this. I don’t understand how it can be so complicated between you two; you love each other right?”

          “We’re not _in love_ ,” I tell her once more, and I finally uncover my face.

          She rolls her eyes. “Gosh, you’re stubborn. Whatever then. You obviously haven’t told the others; what’s stopping you?” she questions.

          I scoff and straighten my posture a little. “You have no clue, don’t you? It’s not that easy, Mikasa,” I shake my head and turn away from her. Eren watches us converse with his finger to his lip.

          “No, _you_ have no clue. Don’t you trust them at all? They honestly wouldn’t care if you dated a guy; in fact, they would support you. C’mon, you know them much better than me, and you don’t know this?” she seems rather disappointed in me. “You’re so self-conscious; even when you think you’re not, you most certainly are. It’s always been the same with you.” She comments.

          I don’t say anything in return because I know she’s right, but I don’t want to admit that to her. “You don’t know what’s been going through my head the past two weeks,” I tell her, resting my arms on my thighs.

          Mikasa uses her right hand to grab onto my own. “No, no I don’t know. But I _know_ what I’m talking about. Trust a little more, Levi,” she looks at me with a pained expression that I don’t usually see often.

          I do trust them. I’m just a fucking God damn coward.

          There’s no excuse. It’s not that I’m not ready: it’s purely because I’m _afraid_ to say it out loud. How pathetic can I get?

          I sigh and drop my head. “You make it sound so easy,” I say. My heart beats in my chest in a way that reflects my nervous condition; I’m being so fidgety.

          “It can be, if you let it.”

          I look down at her with nonchalance, and see concern swimming within her black eyes. Mum was the one with silver eyes, and I was lucky enough to be granted with them. Mikasa’s remind me of a man with raven hair that I never got to know. I didn’t see him much in my lifetime, but how could I forget such cold, dark eyes?

          I’m reminded of my father whenever I look at her; my sister the spitting image of a man who never cared enough to stay.

         

 

*

 

         

          Two weeks. It’s been two weeks since Eren has left.

          I haven’t seen him at all during that time. Sure we’ve texted and called each other, but when we have it has always been rushed and awkward. It’s kind of weird, since he’s normally so confident around me. Though, I’m probably the only one making it awkward.

          He visits the dance studio occasionally, but since he lives on the other side of the city (which is a bloody long way) he can’t go as much as he wants to.

          Eren hasn’t been in the studio for an entire two weeks, so there has been no opportunity for him to see me. I don’t particularly mind, since I’ve been doing other things like drawing, sketching, inking and going to Jean’s. I could easily go visit Eren myself, but I’ve been too shy to do so. He has suggested it to me, but I’ve told him my reasons, and he seems to understand.

          Eren’s been occupying himself with individual dance practice and working at his job. Turns out he’s a waiter in a classy restaurant near where he lives. Months ago, I was also working, but I got fired pretty soon after I got the job. It’s been like that with all my past jobs; I just can’t handle being scrutinized by the arrogant and selfish bosses I’ve had; they’ve all been ridiculous. I know I have to get over that, because that is how the world works, but it’d be appreciated if just one time my boss wasn’t such an _asshole._

          Mikasa has gone back to working. She’s kindly been checking up on me every now and again; asking how I’ve been doing, wondering if Eren has been treating me well, and all that shit. God, who made _her_ the older sister?

          Hanji went back home after staying at mine for a couple of days. They didn’t do much except raid my fridge for food and talk about their job in publishing. Hanji is an editor, and absolutely adores it; they’re such a book-freak. I owe a lot to them; they support me with giving me a fair amount of money each month. I must get a job soon, I can’t keep relying on them forever.

          I slide my glasses up the bridge of my nose and concentrate hard on the piece of paper in front of me. On it, is a rough sketch of realistic Eren’s head tilting to the side with a small smile. The drawing is rather good, and I already feel myself mastering all the gorgeous aspects of him. With more practice, I’ll get there, and then I’ll be able to paint him something beautiful.

          It will never be as wonderful as the real Eren, but I can still attempt it.

          A knock at my door catches me out of my thoughts, and so I drop my pencil and walk over to the door. I open it, and revealed to me is the man that consumes my every thought on a constant. I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve seen him when I look at him now.

          “Hi baby,” Eren says with a grin and a small wave of his hand.

          He looks so ravishing as he stands before me in his tight, denim jeans and loose, white tank top. Was he about to head over to the dance studio? It looks like it to me.

          “Eren,” is all I say. I’m so God damn awkward. Especially when he calls me that pet name.

          “How’ve you been?” he asks from outside my home.

          “I’ve been okay,” I answer him shyly, “were you about to go to the studio?” I cross my arms.

          Eren nods his head. “I was. Krista is meeting me there just a little later on today,” he tells me, and slicks back his hair to get rid of the few strands that seemed out of place. He’s hot even when he does something as normal as that.

          “Later today?” I question.

          “Yes, later today. I thought I would spend my time until then being with you,” he informs me.

          I open my mouth to say something, but he interrupts me. “Unless you are doing something at the moment…?” he strays from his sentence, raising an eyebrow.

          “No, not I’m not preoccupied. Come in,” I say rather eagerly. When I see him now standing in front of me, I miss him more than I did in the duration of two weeks without him. Spending time with him is very appealing to me at the moment.

          Eren steps inside my small home and drops his branded duffel bag near the entrance. “I’ve missed you, Levi,” he says in an ever-so-sweet voice which makes my heart burst, “you look very sexy in those glasses, too.”

          I fluster and catch him giving me a playful wink I wish I didn’t see, because now my heart is _completely_ and _totally_ out of whack. Jesus Christ, Eren.

          He stands in front of me and opens his arms, like he’s awaiting an embrace. “Aw, baby, I’ve missed how you blush like that around me. C’mere,” he coos and pulls me into a gentle embrace. My arms grip around him and I nuzzle my head into his warm neck.

          I don’t get hugged often, but when I do, it makes me happy. Having Eren do this makes me silently ecstatic. I’m such a weirdo.

          He’s so warm and welcoming; it’s such a strange relief to have him holding me like this. “Did you miss me?” he asks, but it’s obvious he knows the answer.

        “Yes,” I reply.

         Eren hugs me tighter as I focus on the smell of his wonderful-smelling cologne. That alone to me is comforting, as unusual as it might seem. He’s been gone for two weeks and I’ve grown even more attached to him. Jeez, I’m weird.

         “Lay with me, yeah?” he begins to stroke my head gently with his masculine hands. “After practice, I want to take you out to dinner. Just the two of us. How does that sound?”

           _Lay_ with him? What does he mean by that? And dinner with him? Won’t people be staring at us funny if we did that?

          No, I can’t act like this. I need to get over all this self-conscious behaviour and be exactly who I want to be. I said to myself I would do that.

          “Yeah, I would like that,” I agree, with slight hesitation at the beginning.

          “I’m glad. I swear there won’t be any interruptions, unlike every other time I’ve been in close proximity of you,” Eren chuckles and let’s go of me. I smirk.

          “Oh, so you’ve taken note of that?” I question rather slyly, and he grins.

          He throws his arms in the air dramatically. “Of course! Do you know how sexually frustrated I get because of it?” he laughs, and I raise both of my eyebrows at him.

          “I’m falling in love with a bloody pervert,” I say, confidence welling up inside of me all of a sudden. The moment I say it however, I completely regret it.

          “I already have,” the beautiful boy says lovingly.                                                                                  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, you lovely people!
> 
> I was wondering: do any of you listen to music when you read my story? If so, what songs do you listen to? This was a random thought xD just a little curious!
> 
> Thank you for your support, until next time xx


	32. Three Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, just before you read the chapter, if any of you are interested I have an Instagram: @aesthetic.ereri . I post stuff on Catharsis, when I'm going to update and I also share my art on that account <3
> 
> I updated so early because I was very motivated by my lovely supporters xx thank you all so much!
> 
> Enjoy the chapter :)

“What? You want to do _this_ until you have to go?” I ask Eren, rather in disbelief. I fold my arms over my chest and give him a quizzical look.

          “Yes, didn’t I mention this before? Or, is the problem that you don’t feel comfortable doing it?” Eren gives me eyes full of concern- eyes that he uses on me too often- and I shake my head to oppose him immediately.

          “No, no that’s not it,” I wave my hands in front of me to deny his accusation, “it’s just… I don’t know, wouldn’t that bore the hell out of you?” I raise one eyebrow.

          Eren looks down at me fondly, which obviously does something weird to my heart. “I could never get bored of you, baby,” he tells me, and I look down shyly.

          He uses his right hand to tilt my chin up slightly, and looks straight into my eyes with emotion swimming behind his. I will never get over how beautiful his eyes are. “Never,” he says quietly.

          It’s awfully strange how two individuals can become so attached to one another so quickly. Just only four weeks ago, I thought such things were stupid and desperate; not only that, I just didn’t love easily. But then I got to know Eren Jaeger, and I fell undeniably _hard_ and _fast._ I couldn’t help but become interested in him.

          We haven’t known each other long, but I’m beginning to think: so what? Does time have to measure everything?

          No, it certainly does not.

          “Come, lay with me, beautiful man,” Eren says as he walks past me to go into my bedroom. I huff and roll my eyes.

          “I’m not beautiful,” I state, “have you seen yourself before?”

          Eren stops in his tracks and turns his head to speak. “Oh, you certainly are. Are you blind? You’re the most gorgeous man I’ve seen in my life,” he confesses, with a serious tone of voice.

          “And you think I’m beautiful? Oh baby, you’re too sweet for words.”

          I place my hands on my hips. “Are you teasing me?” I ask.

          “Perhaps,” he says, pursing his lips to keep away a smile. He turns around his entire body to me and walks over with a mischievous grin. Eren grabs onto both of my cheeks with his masculine hands, and I pout.

          “How rude,” I tell him, as my cheeks are pressed together by the tall, tanned man, “respect your elders, brat.” I grab onto his wrists with my hands.

          He laughs. “It’s hard to believe that you’re older than me. I mean, yes, your features are more mature and all, but…” he trails off.

          “I’m small? Yes, I get it. I have the height of a twelve year old, shut it,” I say curtly, and slap the side of his head playfully.

          _Playfully?_ Since when was I the type?

         Then again, since when was I the type to care so much for someone so quickly?

          “You may be small, but that only adds to your cuteness,” Eren continues to play with my cheeks and I frown.

          “Shut up.”

          “I shan’t.”

          Eren quickly leans in to kiss both of my cheeks and I blush profusely. “You’re too gorgeous, Levi,” he confesses with a wide smile, “now come, I want to hold you.”

          He moves his hands away from my face and grips onto one of my hands. He leads me to my own bedroom, and I let him. As if I had a choice anyhow; he is awfully demanding. But I don’t mind.

          Eren closes the door behind him, and I can feel my heart already combusting in my chest. _Why?_ It’s not like we’re going to be doing naughty and perverted things; I just won’t let it happen. I’m going to be laying with Eren _and that is all._

Like something like that could calm my heart; that alone is enough to make my chest hurt.

          “Strip,” Eren demands gently and very suddenly. I feel my face heat up and I put my hand to my mouth nervously.

          “What?” I dare ask.

          “Strip.”

          “Why on Earth would I do that?”

          Eren sighs, but with a smile. “Levi, did you expect us to lay in your bed in our clothes? I promise I won’t do anything perverted,” he says convincingly, and makes a cross with his index finger over his heart as to keep his promise.

          I huff. “Fine, but we’re keeping our boxers on,” I state.

          “Of course, baby,” he says, “that’s if, you can keep them on after seeing _this_ bod.” Eren teases and I roll my eyes. He laughs at me.

          “Don’t be so cocky, Jaeger, I will hit you,” I threaten, but not really meaning it. Only a little bit, since he’s acting like such a cute little shit.

          Eren bites his bottom lip and smile slyly. “ _Jaeger,_ hey? I love the way your voice sounds when you say that. Say it again,” he pushes, his eyes full of excitement for some reason unknown to me.

          “Jaeger,” I say again, because he looked so damn excited.

          Eren sighs in relief and runs a hand down my arm. “Yes, it sounds so beautiful saying that. Your voice is, and will forever be, my favourite sound in the entire world,” he says in a whisper, as he brings my hand to his mouth and kisses it once.

          I widen my eyes and I can’t seem to breathe. I wish I could tell him beautiful things too, but I wouldn’t be able to without sounding like a total and utter idiot.

          He starts unbuttoning my shirt slowly and I watch him as he goes further down. It’s a strange sight for me to see, but I like it. I like Eren touching me.

          “It’s okay if I undress you, right?” he stops himself and asks me.

          “Yes.”

          “Good,” he smiles warmly.

          Eren finishes unbuttoning the black material and takes it off my body. I’m a bit self-conscious, because my body _isn’t_ the best, but Eren’s looking down at me right now as if I was the most amazing thing to exist.

          “You’re stunning; absolutely stunning,” a red tinge comes to his cheeks, but my face goes full-on crimson, “so soft and delicate…” he runs his hand along my torso and I freeze up.

          The beautiful boy in front of me starts undoing my belt and I watch him very nervously. He undoes the button and zip, and I bite my lip as his hands gently brush over my crotch every now and again. God, why did I agree to this?

          Eren pulls them down my legs and I let out a soft noise; purely just because of how tense I am. He chuckles at it, and I pout a little bit.

          I step out of my pants, and I’m left in only my boxers in front of the man that likes to tell me pretty things. I hold onto one of my arms and look down shamefully. How can he think _I’m_ beautiful? I’m simply not.

          “Baby, your thighs are _heavenly_. How can anyone be as gorgeous as you?” he tells me and I put a hand to my mouth out of instinct. “Undress me.”

          I nod my head, with hesitation I might add, and begin to take off his tank top. I have to go on my tip-toes to succeed, and Eren notices. He chuckles and I purse my lips ever so slightly.

          _Oh my._ My entire body heats up as I see Eren without his shirt on. Yes, I’ve seen him without it on before; like that time Hanji came over. But, at this very moment, it seems more intimate. More special.

          Eren kicks off his shoes, and I then take off his pants. When I do, I realise that I’m down at his knees, looking up at him from below.

         His face becomes more flushed as he stares down at me, and I bite my bottom lip to stop the nervous quivering. Jesus _fucking_ Christ, I’m being the biggest bitch in the world right now. I need to stop acting so stiff.

         I get myself up from the floor to try and stop all the weird, perverted thinking. I cannot believe I’m having those kinds of thoughts; what the fuck is wrong with me?

         Eren jumps onto the bed and opens his left arm for me to lay down there. I walk over, with caution, and curl up next to him. He adjusts himself around me and then starts caressing my hair with his left hand. It’s certainly comforting, and it’s so warm in his embrace.

         Becoming more comfortable in his presence, I move into him a little more and snuggle my head into his defined chest. Eren continues playing with my hair, and as I lay there, I can feel his steady heartbeat. It’s oddly reassuring, and I decide to focus on that as I relax and close my eyes.

          “I love this; I love that I’m spending time with you with no interruptions, or anything. I love that you’re laying with me,” Eren tells me gently and slowly, whilst stroking my hair, “I love everything about this.”

          I don’t say anything in return. I continue being held up against him in silence, and I have to admit, I love being like this with him. I feel so loved, warm and purely just being with Eren alone makes me happy.

          After a few minutes, I lift up my head slightly to be met with Eren’s eyes looking down upon me. _How long has he been looking at me?_

          He lifts my chin up with the hand he was caressing my hair with, and stares right into my eyes with an emotional intensity. “Your eyes are fascinating to me. They hold no emotion at first glance, but eventually you can start to see everything brewing behind them,” he tells, tilting his head to look at me from different angles, “the silver matches so wonderfully with your pale skin and raven hair. You are literally a flawless human.”

          _Flawless human?_ How the fuck can he think that when he looks at me? Eren is the one that should be labelled that; he’s so unbelievably statuesque and stunning. How does he not see that in himself?

          “Far from it,” I tell him, and he frowns.

          “You’re undeniably ravishing to me,” he says to me rather gently.

          “Stop showering me with compliments, alright? I don’t see what you see, at all. I do not deserve such nice words,” I shake my head and tilt my head down.

          Eren tilts it up again and I’m met with his green orbs. “Oh, but you deserve them all,” he says, and suddenly climbs on top of me. I’m held down by Eren holding onto my wrists, and my breath gets caught in my throat from the surprise.

          He looks so breathtaking from this position. Just how can one person be so sublime?

          “You deserve every good thing this world has to offer,” he says with fondness as he straddles me. Oh Lord, our crotches are _touching._

 Then I say something so unlike me, but so truthful: “Then I’ll only need you, won’t I?”

          Eren looks down at me with shock evident in his features; he looks totally caught off guard. I agree, it was very strange for _me_ out of all people to say, but I don’t regret it for a second as I look at Eren’s expression.

          “I love you,” he says suddenly and I widen my eyes.

          _What?_

 “I don’t give a fuck how long we’ve known each other, or how much we know of each other- I’m so fucking in love with you, it’s crazy,” his voice is rushed, hasty and laced with deep emotion. And my chest aches incredibly.

          I can’t find the right words to say to him, and so I lay there, my mouth hanging open as he confesses his love for me. God, I’m so terrible with these types of situations.

          “Eren, I don’t have a fucking clue what to say right now,” is all I can manage to say. I’m absolutely dumbfounded.

          “Then don’t say anything, please, let me kiss you,” he puts a finger to my lips and says his words in a desperate tone.

          Eren leans down slowly, gently, with his eyes closing as he gets closer, and meets his luscious lips with mine. This is the first time I’ve ever been kissed, but he’s not aware of that fact at all. I’m so inexperienced it drives me mental.

          I let him lead, as I have no clue what to do. His lips feel so warm against mine, and I swear my heart skips a few beats. Eren suddenly bites my bottom lip harshly, and I open my mouth to wince in the slight pain, and he takes that as an opportunity to insert his wet tongue into my mouth.

          I gasp and feel the lubricated muscle explore my mouth. It feels amazing, oddly enough, and I crave much more from him. I gain a little confidence in myself and start circling his tongue with my own. He moves to deepen the kiss and I wrap my arms around him to pull him in closer.

          I groan into the intimate kiss, and he does the same, but it’s much sexier. Everything about this man is sexy.

          He pulls away from me soon after, and I’m met with a very flush-faced Eren. A string of saliva from our mouths keeps us attached, but he discards it as he wipes at his chin with a smirk.

          “And that, my baby, was a French kiss, n’est-ce pas?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "N'est-ce pas?" meaning: Was it not?
> 
> Next chapter will be much sexier ;) Alas, I hope you enjoyed this one.
> 
> Bye!


	33. Your Bastard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise! I said I was going to make this chapter sexy, but I'm a little bitch and put it off until next chapter!! Alas, I really hope you like this one. Thank you again for the amazing comments and support xx

I dry myself off with my plain, white towel quickly, and place it around my waist with ease. I open the door to exit out of the small bathroom and into the boring living room I am accustomed with. With my saturated hair dripping, I walk into my bedroom, leaving a little wet trail as I go.

          I enter my bedroom and immediately open up my closet to hopefully try and find suitable clothes for the occasion planned later today. I stand there, my hands going through each and every piece of fabric, but not being satisfied with any of it.

          Eren promised me he’d take me out to dinner later this evening, and even though I was hesitant at first, I forced myself to get rid of the intruding, negative thoughts. I _want_ to go out with Eren tonight; I’m not going to let those few, annoying thoughts change that.

          I look through the few formal-wear pieces I have and sigh heavily. If I’d known this shit were to happen, I’d have got myself more conventional-looking clothing.

          Yes, it is certainly strange for someone like me to be concerned with their wear, but at the moment I feel slightly _paranoid._ I want to look nice for Eren; even if it’s just once. That’s why I’m thinking about this more than I usually do.

          I put my hand to my chin and push my eyebrows together in concentration. After a few minutes of mindless searching, I finally decide upon a black vest, white shirt and the only pair of black dress pants I have. I don’t have much in clothing; and then again it all looks the same anyway.

          I haven’t worn this kind of attire in quite a long time; would it still fit me? I mean, I haven’t grown a whole lot at all and I’m not any more buff than I was years ago. I swear to God something wrong happened when I was born that made me have a stunt in my growth, because I haven’t changed much since I was fourteen.

          Okay, that is a _lot_ of an exaggeration, but I can’t help thinking it sometimes. Yes, my height hasn’t changed since then, but I definitely look older.

          I apply on the clothing, and realise that it still fits me perfectly. Of course it does, though.

          After putting my belt on around my waist, I walk into the bathroom again to look into the mirror. I stare at myself for a long time, judging every little thing about the outfit. Now, this is awfully _strange._ I actually give a fuck about how this shit looks on me? Yeah, because of fucking Eren and how nervous he makes me. God dammit.

          I frown, and then suddenly get the idea of rolling up my white, shirt sleeves to make the appearance more “appealing”. I do so, and I come to like the look a little more. I may have no fashion-sense in the slightest, but I’m putting effort into this for once.

          I tilt my head and undo two of the buttons on my shirt. I open the collar a little, and so my neck is exposed; Eren tends to do this with his shirts so I got the idea completely from him. I look at myself quizzically, once again judging, but I rather _like_ this look I’ve got going. It doesn’t look too uptight or professional; but more casual and still formalistic. I hope he likes it.

          Eren left a couple of hours after being with me to go to the dance studio to meet up with Krista. Before that, after my first kiss had happened, Eren decided to continue laying with me in only our boxers. He kept stroking my head, and eventually, we ended up cradling each other as we slowly drifted off to sleep.

          My head lied on his arm while his other wrapped around me. I felt safe and comforted in his embrace, and in that moment, I didn’t give a care in the world that I was sleeping with a _man._ The only thing I cared about then was the soft breathing coming from his mouth, the steady rising of his chest, the way he’d sometimes snuggle his head into mine and his naked arms wrapped around me; holding me.

          I couldn’t describe in words how beautiful the feeling was for me; it was simply indescribable. I’d never felt that type of affection from anyone, yet I didn’t care to, until that damn dancer boy. Now I crave it from him; I want all of him, in every way possible.

          I still can’t get over the kiss; it was so unexpected, but amazing. Being in contact with his warm lips was somehow just so _surreal_ and _special_ for me, and I would do anything for a kiss like that again. It felt somewhat desperate, but loving, and my chest ached for a long time afterwards.

          Eren woke up a little late, and so he had rush out- with clothes on of course- and give me a quick kiss on my cheek before leaving out my front door. He later texted me details for tonight, but all I know is that he’s picking me up at eight-pm from my home, getting showered and dressed at Krista’s, and then taking me to wherever. I don’t mind so much, since I’ll be spending time with Eren either way.

          It’s now seven-pm; only an hour until he gets here. I’m a little nervous, then again I always am when it comes to him. I wonder, sometimes, if I ever make him nervous? It’s hardly likely, since he’s such a confident, cocky little shit. But those qualities of his are certainly attractive to me.

          I place both my hands on the sink and stare into the mirror: what else can I possibly change to make myself more appealing? I think for a moment, and an idea suddenly occurs to me: perhaps I could slick my hair back?

          It’s not something I do often, rather, once in a blue moon, but I’ve been told that I look good with it. Maybe Eren will think the same?

          I grab the hair gel off the small shelves in front of me on the wall. I’ve never really used the stuff, so I’m not an expert in applying it. Thankfully, Jean taught me the first time I used it, so I get the gist of it at least.

          Running my index finger along the sides of the small container, I pick up a reasonable amount; not enough to make my hair all disgustingly crispy. I smother the light grey substance on both the tops of my hands, and run them through my hair gently. I don’t flatten out the top of my head too much, and leave a few strands hanging in front of my face.

          Okay, to be frank, I actually don’t _mind_ how I look right now. It’s rather sophisticated but not too up-tight, and that is what I was kind of going for.

          Satisfied with my appearance for my “date” tonight with Eren, I sit alone in my living room with my drawing book in hand. I pick up my glasses from the coffee table and start sketching random things. Of course, said “random things” is another way of saying Eren.

          I don’t know why, but I decide to draw Eren realistically with a singular made-up flower covering his own right eye. His head is tilted upwards slightly, and he’s looking down with a light smile.

          The piece ends just after his collarbones have been drawn, and when I look at it, I almost smile. Fucking God damn _smile._ I do like the quick sketch; it’s quite pretty, how the flower compliments Eren and his radiant nature. It just looks aesthetically pleasing, which my art has never been able to achieve ever, so I’m quite content with it.

          A knock on the door brings me out of my concentrated state, and so I perk up immediately. I place my glasses down on the table. I know right away it’s Eren, so I become a little nervous as I approach the handle. Once I open the door, quite hesitantly I might say, I am greeted with a _very_ sexy sight indeed.

          I stare at him with my mouth open; his black shirt with very faint leopard print fits him wonderfully, as well as his black dress pants and white neck-tie. He looks flawless, as usual, and I suddenly feel very unattractive as I stare at him. Damn Eren for being so gorgeous it hurts.

          “Oh, wow, baby,” Eren says as he puts a finger to his lip, “you got all dressed up like this for me? You’re too cute.” He teases, and I cross my arms and huff at the cocky brunet in front of me.

          “Oh, shut it,” I snap, but not angrily in the slightest, “what about you, _Jaeger?_ What’s with the fancy get-up, aye?” I comment back, and he chuckles. He always seems to find me amusing.

          Eren steps inside, leaving the door open. “I thought maybe I could impress you. Did it work?” he asks, very eagerly.

          I lift one eyebrow teasingly at him and he smiles. “Nope, not at all,” I turn my head away, but I notice a small frown on his face, “of course you’ve impressed me. You could wear a paper bag and still look as gorgeous as you do.”

          Eren smirks and grabs my chin so I look directly into his eyes. “I’m glad. Now, let’s talk about how _you_ look. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, I feel like devouring you right here, right now; front door closed or not,” he says seductively.

          Eren leans down and pecks my lips once, before pulling away. “Do you realise how flirty you are?” I ask him, my heart beat a little more evident after feeling his lips touch mine once again.

          “Only to those who deserve my affection, baby,” he replies.

          “Oh? And who deserves it?” I question.

          Eren darts out to lick his lips. “Hmm…you, your beautiful body, your stunning, silver eyes-” I stop, before he continues on by placing a hand on his mouth.

          “Okay, I get it,” I say, biting at my lip to keep away a small smile. I feel something wet touch my hand, and I quickly process that Eren’s tongue licked it. I wipe the wetness away at my thigh and notice a sly expression from Eren.

          “You’re a bastard,” I shake my head and roll my eyes.

          “Yes, but I’m _your_ bastard,” he says gently and cups my cheek with his hand.

          He always says such lovely things to me, and every time he does I can’t think of anything to say in response. I want to tell him nice things, but I’m a fucking coward.

          “Are we to be leaving now? You ready, baby?” he asks and I nod my head.

          He takes my small hand in his and drags me out the front door. “Might I ask where we’re going?” I say, as I pull away from him to lock the door before I shut it.

          Eren takes my hand again. _Persistent little shit._ “You’ll see for yourself. It’s a nice place; don’t fret,” he says as he walks along with me on the pavement, with his hand still holding my own.

          I can’t help but feel a little self-conscious as we wander like this. Yes, that feeling has gone down considerably, but _it’s still there_ and there’s not much I can do about it. Nonetheless, I want to hold Eren’s hand as we walk, to at least show a little bit of affection for him. He’s already shown so much.

          “I wasn’t too sure if you were going to be comfortable holding my hand; I’m really happy that you are,” Eren says all of a sudden, in a relaxed tone. I look down at my feet and squeeze his tanned hand tighter.

          There are plenty of people up and about at this time, so people aren’t really paying attention to us. And if some people are, I’m starting to think: so what of it?

          I need to get used to the idea that I’ll be doing this more often with Eren; there’s no use in being anxious when I truly want to enjoy my time with him. Telling my friends about Eren and I will come first, and then what happens after that, happens.

          We both continue walking in silence, but the rowdiness of the people around us makes up for it. I start to wonder: what is everyone doing on a night like this? Are they also going out to dinner with someone special to them? Are friends going to bars and drinking their sanity away? Or are some spending tonight alone, enjoying their own company?

          I don’t have a reason as to why my mind wanders there, but as I look at the people around me, I find myself a little curious. The city looks much kinder as I observe it, and I’m sure it’s got to do with Eren and the way he’s holding my hand. I feel safer, as if I could explore without any care for judgement from anyone.

          I feel better about myself with this cocky brunet at my side, and he’s gorgeous in every way imaginable.

          “We’ll be there soon, I promise. I picked a near-by place so we didn’t have to take the bus,” Eren swings our arms ever so slightly; like a child, “imagine how unromantic that would be? Taking a bus to go to a date- I don’t think you would like that.” He chuckles and I look up at him.

          “I don’t mind as long I’m spending time with you,” I tell, truthfully. _Eren was concerned about taking a bus?_ Oh, what a gentleman.

          Little does he know that I don’t give a fuck about “how romantic” something is; I’m the least amorous person in the entire world. I would never let something as stupid as that affect me, because I care a whole lot more about him than taking a fucking bus on a date.

          “Oh, _cada di ate quiero mas_ , Levi _,_ ” Eren looks down at me fondly, and says to me in a gentle voice. God, I will never get over how beautifully he speaks Spanish.

          “What does that mean?” I question him. He smiles and then answers me.

          “ _Each day I love you more._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will focus on the date scene, and there will be some good Ereri shit going down ;) Hopefully it's good anyway, lmao.
> 
> The drawing Levi drew with Eren and the flower, will be posted on my Instagram account over the weekend (@aesthetic.ereri). It's not realistic, but, you get the gist of it xD
> 
> See you, you lovely people!


	34. Precious Baby

“You’re kidding me, right? Please tell me you are,” I gasp and widen my eyes, “we can’t go here. Do you know how _exquisite_ this place is? I can practically feel all my money disappearing from my wallet; just by looking at it!” I say rather loudly, and the boy beside me chuckles.

          He puts his hands up to try and calm me. I look away from him to the red silk curtains covering the corners of the restaurant windows, only a few metres away. “It’s fine, I’ll be paying for all the expenses anyway,” Eren says, and places his hand on my shoulder.

          “You’ll be paying for it? _You’ll be fucking paying for it?_ Eren, you’re mental! This restaurant is reasonably high class, with ridiculous prices – barely anything neither of us could afford!” I throw my hands up dramatically, something quite unlike me, and Eren finds this action amusing. “No, Eren, this is no laughing matter. I can’t let you spend so much money on just a date; there’s no way, unless I’m paying too.”

          He looks down at me, with a smile, and tilts his head. “Levi, I told you, I don’t want you to spend any money. Tonight is about me spoiling you; what’s the issue?” he asks. Oh, Eren.

          I huff. “You don’t need to spoil me. You don’t have to go out of your way of taking me to some fancy-ass restaurant, because I’m not yours for that reason,” I say, the words escaping my mouth, “I don’t want you to do things like this for me, especially when you’re not too loaded yourself.”

          I cross my arms and look up at him with a frown. It’s obvious that I’m mad at Eren, but of course I would be. He shouldn’t have to feel like he needs to do things like this. “It’s okay, Levi. It’s not even _that_ exquisite; you’re just exaggerating,” Eren shakes his head and smiles. I brush his hand off my shoulder.

          “It’s bloody well way more than I could afford! I’ve _seen_ these prices, okay? It’s fucking expensive!” I point a rather sharp finger at his face and he rolls his eyes. “Don’t you roll your eyes at me, _Jaeger._ ”

          “Come on, baby. Let me enjoy my night with you. I swear to God the prices are worth the food. You’ll fucking love it,” Eren coaxes, and I feel my heart weaken as he calls me that pet name.

          I always found people who used names like that to be extremely awkward and sappy, but when Eren says it to me, it sounds undeniably sexy. I love it more than I should, but the way the name leaves his lips is too intoxicating for words. God, I’m crazy for him.

          Since Eren doesn’t seem to be letting up; with his crossed arms and concerned expression, I give in to this stubborn boy. “Fine, but I’m fucking paying for half of it. There’s no way in hell I’m letting you pay all the expenses,” my frown softens, but my finger continues to point at him.

          Eren looks like he’s about to say something, but he stops himself before a single sound comes out. He frowns at me, and then lets out a sigh. “Alright, have it your way. But next time, I’m paying. Fully,” Eren raises his brows and leans down closer to my face. I narrow my eyes.

          “Better not be something stupidly expensive, or I’ll have to slap you,” I tease, and he breaks out a small smile. Though there’s not a lot of seriousness behind my words, if it comes down to it, I will go through with my statement.

          Eren doesn’t need to spend money like this; I’m not that type of person. I’m not here to feed off his dollars, I’m here to…well, I can’t really define what my purpose is, but it’s definitely not to leech off him.

          “I’ll make sure for that; don’t want you going ballistic again,” he says with a smirk, and I scoff at him. _Shit head._

“I did not go ballistic,” I reply.

          “Did so.”

          “Okay! Stop it, you’re acting immature,” I retort and slap the side of his arm. He chuckles adorably. The smile on his face makes his eyes crease at the sides, and it’s oddly charming. He looks so happy, and I have the urge to grab onto his cheeks as he looks down at me with this expression. Eren is just too cute for words.

          “You’re so precious, baby,” Eren says rather mockingly, “my itty-bitty man.” He takes one of my cheeks and I flick his hand away from my face. He laughs at me, as per usual.

          I huff. “Shut up, I’m not _yours_ ,” I say and roll my eyes at him. He puts a finger to his lip and smirks again. This guy never stops with the smirking, but he’s so sexy when he does it.

          Eren puts one hand to his hip. “Oh really? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I remember you specifically saying that _you_ were _mine_ ,” he bites his bottom lip to try and hide a smile, I’m guessing, “remember? When you were going ballistic at me?”

          I open my mouth to deny him, but then I suddenly think back to the conversation, and my words from then hit me like a motherfucking truck.

          _Oh Jesus. I really did fucking say that shit to him._

“It just- it just slipped out, okay? I was focusing on being fucking mad at you,” I say sternly, and point my finger at him once more. He tilts his head.

          Eren grabs onto my wrist in front of him, pulls it so I stumble forward and looks dead-straight into my eyes. “Sure, Levi. You know you love me,” he says in an annoying, sing-song tone.

          Who am I kidding? That could never be annoying to me.

          Though his choice of wording definitely can.

          My face reddens and I grit my teeth. “Shut your mouth, little shit,” I say and turn my face away from him. I hear light giggles come from afar, and that’s when I remember that we’re in a fucking public place.

          I notice two girls staring at us from across the road. I tilt my head and look at the pair with furrowed brows. _Why the fuck are they eyeing us?_

The both of them stop their whispering when they notice I’m staring right back at them. The woman with bright orange hair turns away nervously, and her friend with long, blonde locks does exactly the same. They walk away, and I catch the orange-haired girl mouth something to the girl beside her. _Ugh, annoying._

“Oh, look at that, you scared them away,” Eren chuckles and raises his dark brows, “all you have to do is look at them – and bam! They’re gone. You’re too serious, Levi.” He continues laughing.

          I sigh. “Shut up. I just hate being stared at, is all,” I huff and cross my arms.

          “Why wouldn’t they be staring at us? A couple of hot gay guys teasing and touching – women are suckers for that,” Eren tells me as he puts out a hand to gesture towards the two women walking away from us. I scoff.

          “Oh? So you think you’re hot, huh?” I question with one raised eyebrow.

          “I’m quite reasonable. I could be worse, and you seem to think I’m attractive,” Eren cocks his head and I roll my eyes. He ignores me and takes my hand to lead me inside the restaurant.

          Once we’re inside, I immediately widen my eyes. I’ve seen photos of this place on the internet a number of times, but it looks so much more exquisite in person. The brown floor blends in spectacularly with the deep red colour of the curtains on the windows, as well as the crimson chairs around the elegant, white-clothed tables. The roof of the area is high, with golden-yellow ornaments hanging from the top. The walls are covered in a sleek, tanned brown that is illuminated by the slightly-yellow light to make it stand out wonderfully. The entire restaurant is very beautiful, and I can’t help but admire it all.

          “I knew you would like it,” Eren squeezes my hand, “I remember your expression when you were looking around that bar two weeks ago. Remember that night?” he asks. How could I forget? “I guessed you really liked places with beautiful interior, so, yeah. I’m really happy you like the look of this place.”

          He looks down and smiles. “It’s stunning,” I reply back, “Eren, I swear to God I feel my money disappearing form me right now.”

          “Shush, you dork,” he shakes his head, but nonetheless, he continues smiling.

          Eren tells the person by the front door the reservation name, and he kindly leads us to our table. I release my hand from Eren’s rather shyly and follow behind him. He doesn’t seem to care, so my mind doesn’t ponder on if he’s disappointed or not. I’m such an over-thinker it’s crazy.

          The man finds our table and gestures with his right hand for us to sit down. We do just that, and situate ourselves on the comfortable crimson chairs. He places the menus in front of us and Eren thanks him. He leaves us alone with one final curious glance towards Eren and I, and goes back to the entrance.

          I was expecting to see some odd looks from people tonight; it was inevitable, but it’s making me very anxious. I don’t usually care what people think of me, but I happen to care a lot when it comes to _this._

          I notice Eren staring at me; his elbow leaning on the table whilst his closed fist is supporting his head. His expression is very relaxed, but I can catch a hint of a sly smile on that brilliant face of is. “What?” I question, a little flustered.

          “You just look absolutely smashing, baby,” Eren says in a low tone and winks at me. _Oh my fucking God, just how flirty can this boy get?_

I blush, without wanting to, and he giggles with heavy flirtation behind it. “Eren, stop it,” I say in a harsh whisper. I cross my arms on the table and lean forward slightly, “stop being so God damn coy.” My brows knit together in annoyance.

          “No, I love seeing your reaction,” he tells me and leans forward on the table as well, “the way your cheeks turn a light shade of red whenever I tell you sweet things does things to me. It makes me crave you so much to a point I just want to devour you. Completely and thoroughly.”

          I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand to try and conceal my shock, but of course this bastard has figured me out already. Whenever he says things like that I can’t help but react that way; no matter how many times he says it.

          “Aw, my precious baby. Are you embarrassed?” he smirks and gently runs his fingers down the side of my face. I bite my bottom lip. “Are you choked up?” he runs his hand down my neck. “Is your heart racing?” he takes it a step further and gently grazes his slender fingers down my collarbones to my chest.

          My breathing suddenly becomes irregular and my face heats up considerably. “Not here, Eren. People can see us,” I say quietly, and try to breathe deeply to stop my erratic heart rate.

          “So what of it? They’ll just see that you are mine and belong to me. What’s so bad about that?” he tells me, and traces my collarbones with his tanned fingers. I notice him glance behind me, and I instinctively turn around.

          I see an older-looking man, seeming to be eyeing me, before my head is quickly spun back to be met with Eren’s titan green gaze. _What the fuck has got him all possessive? Is it because of that man behind me? Why?_

Eren leans in to kiss my cheek, and I feel his lips twitch into a smile seconds after kissing me. I frown in confusion.

          Suspecting that sudden kiss has something to do with the man behind me, I turn my head to look at him. He isn’t staring at me like he was before, but now has his head down and his hands twitching nervously. _The fuck?_

“That bastard has been eyeing you ever since we came into the restaurant. Fucker,” Eren puts his hands together firmly in front of his mouth, hiding it away. He stares down the man with a very agitated look I don’t see often on him. _Oh._

I don’t really care for that guy staring at me. As long as he wasn’t planning to go fucking near me or start a conversation with me, then I don’t really give a shit. Eren doesn’t need to prove anything to him, because what is between us is none of his business.

“Okay, so you got me all hot and bothered just to piss off the fuck behind me?” I ask, using my thumb to point directly backwards.

          The boy in front of me turns his attention away from the man. “Now that you mention it, you are blushing rather a lot,” he raises his eyebrows, “got a little aroused, hey?”

          A little bit of confidence wells up in me. “Hm, perhaps,” I say as I look away from his face, but in my peripheral vision I catch him biting his bottom lip, “now, come on. Let’s order.” I open the cream-coloured menu to the first page and glance at all the fine printing. The name of this restaurant sounds Italian.

          Eren smiles slyly and looks down at the intricate-looking menu in front of him. We sit in silence as we go through it, and then I eventually decide upon a pasta dish. I look to Eren to ask what he’s deciding on, and I see that he’s staring at me, _yet again._

          “What is it?” I question, but he doesn’t answer straight away. He just smiles lazily. _What’s up with him?_

“Mm, Levi, you’re going to kill me when I say this, but,” he stops for a moment and leans in to whisper his last words, “I’m really fucking horny.”

          My stomach drops for some reason and I look dead-straight at him with no emotion. _For fuck’s sake Eren!_ “Tell me I did not just hear that from you,” I say as I bury my face into my hands.

          “Well, you wanted an honest answer didn’t you? It’s your fault, you know; the reason why I’m horny right now,” Eren’s expression looks sleazy, and he says his words to match the expression. _Oh my God._

I uncover my face to show a very flustered, and very irritated look. “How is this my doing? It’s your fault that you decided to get all fucking aroused and shit,” I tap nervously on the menu, hoping that a waiter will pass by eventually to stop this conversation.

          “The way you’re dressed right now… _fuck, baby._ You’re so fucking sexy. When I saw you at your front door earlier, all I wanted to do was bury myself into you right there and then,” he runs a finger over his bottom lip, “I wasn’t meant to be telling you this, but you make it so hard for me. I can’t help it.”

          I gulp nervously and my heart rate speeds up again. “I’m sorry, Levi. I know you’re not completely comfortable yet, being in a male relationship and all, but _Jesus Christ_ I want to touch you so badly it hurts. I want to hear you moan, come undone bef-” I cut him off before he goes any further.

          “Oh my fucking God, just how horny _are_ you? You weren’t acting like this before now,” I say, as my hands begin to tremble and my face goes a deep crimson colour- most likely nearly as dark as the chair I’m sitting on.

          “Well, I didn’t want to say anything, because it was a tad embarrassing. But, I don’t know… right now, just looking at you… fuck. Just thinking about making love to you, looking the way you do right now… is so fucking hot to me,” Eren darts out his tongue to lick his lips. My breath catches in my throat, and for a moment, I can’t breathe.

          I don’t dare to look in his eyes. He’ll definitely make me do something rash if I look into those fierce, controlling eyes of his. “Stop thinking about it then,” is all I have in me to say. I don’t know what the fuck I should _do_ or _say_ in this situation.

          “I’m sorry, baby,” he brings his thumb to my bottom lip and gently caresses it, “it’s difficult to control myself when I’m around you. You drive me mental, you do.” He says, his eyes concentrating on my lips.

          This is the worst time and place for this to happen. This behaviour of his is not only annoying me, but it’s actually making me so _aroused_ as well. I’m completely under his spell; utterly claimed by him and his words.

          I catch myself panting a little, but Eren notices before I stop myself. “You doing that doesn’t help my fucking boner, Levi,” he takes his hand away from my face and puts it under the table.

          _Oh my. He’s touching himself, isn’t he?_ My mind wanders to a perverted realm and I blush even harder; if that’s even fucking possible. “I’m desperate to touch you, you don’t even know, baby,” I see his arm move a little under the table and I cover my mouth to hide my embarrassment.

          _He’s palming himself through his pants, oh my God._ I can’t believe this is happening: in a _public place_ out of all things. God damn Eren Jaeger.

          His face is blushed slightly, and it’s one of the most attractive looks I’ve ever seen on him. Eren bites his lip and stares into my eyes full of lust, and I swear, I lose all my sanity just then.

          “Would you gentlemen fancy any drinks?” a woman’s voice calls out of the blue and my attention immediately goes to a petite, brunette girl with a pen and pad in hand.

          Eren perks up immediately and looks anywhere but where I’m seated. The girl, fortunately, looks clueless as to what was just happening. Thank fucking God.

          Not knowing what the fuck is on the drinks menu, I order for a water and so does Eren, with his face flushed in the cutest way. The girl walks away, and Eren starts to laugh.

          “Of course; it wouldn’t be complete without someone interrupting us!” he says and shakes his head with a small smile. “It’s happened so many times, these days I find it amusing.” Eren tells me with raised brows.

          I let out a small smile, and blush furiously. As I always do when I’m around this horny shit.

          Can’t say I’m not the same, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than usual ayyyeee
> 
> I'm not sure if I'll be updating next week since I'll be very busy doing a shit ton of work and preparing for Comic Con - but we'll see if I'm in the mood :)
> 
> Once again, thank you all for the support on this story!


	35. Pervert Boy

“… and that was that. I was a troublesome kid for sure, and I blamed it on my beloved mum’s death. It was extremely immature of me, making excuses for my behaviour, but I was too stubborn enough to realise I was wrong,” Eren tells me, as he swirls his fork on his plate, “I’ve grown up a lot since then; became less agitated with everything and got my act together. Salsa dancing has always been my escape from my issues, and so I took it much more seriously at fifteen.”

          “From then on, I just danced away all the problems I had; everything that got me down and all the unnecessary anger I had built up. I fell in love quickly with the art of dance, and now it’s my entire life,” he plops a fork-full of his food into his mouth after the brief re-telling of his life.

          I watch him with a concentrated expression. He notices it and smiles with a mouthful of his expensive-ass dinner. “You were one annoying little brat, weren’t you?” I smirk and he cocks a brow. “Nothing’s changed, though.”

          “Oi! Yes, I have changed, excuse me,” Eren frowns playfully, and it’s ever so cute. I take a sip of my cold water and put a finger to my lip.

          “No, you haven’t,” I reply back, trying to hide a small smile.

          “I have so.”

          “Nah.”

          “Levi, stop! Before I tip my dinner over that pretty head of yours,” Eren chuckles sweetly and threatens me with not a lot of intimidation. I cross my arms over the table and lift a brow.

          “Oh, go ahead, I dare you, Eren,” I tilt my head to one side, mocking him completely. He just laughs so that his smile does that crinkly-thing at the corner of his eyes that I love so much.

          Eren strays his eyes away from me, and I stare into them as I feel something suddenly hit my face and immediately bounce back. My expression contorts in displeasure, and Eren laughs harder as he points his slender finger to my dissatisfaction.

          “Hah! That’s what you get, you little runt!” he smiles widely and I look confusedly. I face down to see that the object thrown at me was none other than a piece of capsicum.

          _Bastard._ “Hm, well at least it wasn’t your entire dinner,” I say.

          “Want me to do that too?” Eren twirls his fork in his hand.

          “Of course not, you idiot,” I retort.

          He looks at me with one of the happiest expressions I’ve ever seen on a person, and for a moment, my heart fails me. It will always confuse me how small things like this cause me to have a motherfucking near-death experience.

          From the moment the waitress picked up our drink orders, disrupting Eren from being a fucking horny little shit, he’s been telling me numerous stories of his childhood. I brought it up to change the subject, and he _totally_ forgot how aroused he was after I mentioned it. Which is a fucking good thing because otherwise I would have accidentally punched that idiot’s face in.

          Turns out he was a troubled kid with issues caused by himself, which is somewhat like how I was. His mum died from a condition when he was ten years of age, and since then, he became a very angered kid; driven only by dance and the support from his dad. He was the type to get into constant physical fights with other kids – his age and older – just to release all this rage welled up inside of him. It was obvious that the death of his mother affected him majorly, but I thought to myself as he was telling me: _how could one kid have this much frustration stored up inside of him?_

But the answer was easy: it was just possible. I was exactly the same, about numerous different things, and I too blamed my behaviour on those problems. We were both too immature, careless and young to understand that we brought along more consequences by doing so.

          We were both just lonely kids, dealing with bullshit and driven in life only by our passions.

          There’s a lot more to Eren Jaeger than I know, and I want to know all of him. Do I trust him to know all of me? Yes, I certainly do.

          “Want to try what I’m eating? It’s really good,” Eren suggests to me, and I give him a sceptical look.

          “I don’t know; can I know for sure you haven’t poisoned it?” I point to the fork full of food he has hovering over his plate. Eren rolls his eyes and smiles.

          “No, you shit, I haven’t. Though that is not a bad idea,” he teases. I press my lips into a thin line.

          “Try it and die, Jaeger,” I point an accusing finger towards him.

          “Oh, I’m scared, _Ackerman_ ,” Eren darts out to lick his lips, and looks at me from half-closed eye lids.

          “Shut up and give me the God damn food, Eren,” I roll my eyes and grab the fork off of him. I don’t really mind that he’s been eating off it; normally I’m uncomfortable with that sort of thing, but I feel very at home with him.

          I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.

          Eren pulls away the fork and I frown at him. “What? Don’t want my germs?” I question with amusement.

          He shakes his head with a sly fucking smile. _Huh?_ “No, that’s not it. Just had a thought…” Eren drifts off his sentence and places the fork in front of his mouth, “oh, yes, this is much better.”

          He carefully places the food on the end of his tongue, and looks at me coyly with it sticking out, waiting for me to eat it off him. I widen my eyes and feel my face heat up for the thousandth time since I’ve met this perverted boy with enticing green eyes.

          “You really think I’m going to do _that?_ In a public place out of all things?” I try to rid of my embarrassment by biting at my cheek. I have no clue as to why I resort to that, but it’s not helping a bit.

          Eren sits there in silence, the small amount of food resting on his tongue. He moves his arms so that they are resting, crossed over one another, on the white table. “Oh, fuck you, you dirty bastard,” I say, my entire head heating up rapidly.

          He smiles at me and I scrunch up my face. _Horny little asshole._

Though, as I think these vulgar thoughts of Eren, I want nothing more than to put my tongue to his and steal away the small bit of food he has waiting for me. I just don’t chose to make it obvious, like this stupidly seductive boy does.

          With the most crimson expression I could possibly have, I lean over towards him, hesitantly, and close my eyes as I press the tip of my tongue to his. I use one hand to hold on to his cheek to steady his head, and try to lift the food into my mouth. It’s awkward for me, and I’m without a doubt as red as a tomato, but I still attempt to do it anyway.

          How on Earth is a person like me doing this sort of thing in a restaurant? The only reason is Eren Jaeger. I crave him in every way possible, and when he’s sitting here, acting so libidinous- how can I pass him up? It’s not possible; he has consumed the small bit of sanity I have left.

          Eren places both of his hands to cup my face and brings our mouths together to create a sloppy, heated mess of lust. I frown into the kiss, still trying to succeed in stealing the food from him. But Eren uses his skilful tongue to grab what little of it I have obtained and swallows it as he kisses fiercely with me.

          I whimper softly, nearly forgetting people are around us, and grab onto his wrists leading up to my face to stable myself. Eren laps his hot, wet tongue around my own and lets out a low _sexy_ groan that makes me want to strip him off right here and now. He’s the only one who could make me even think of doing things like that.

          He pulls away soon after and I’m left with a string of saliva travelling down my chin. I get rid of it quickly with my sleeve. Eren looks at me with a flushed face and beautifully swollen lips, and I desperately want to grab him by his collar and get him to kiss me as passionately as he did then.

          Oh, I crave him _so much._ I need his kisses; I’m fucking _thirsting_ for them. If he kisses me like that again, I swear to God I’ll never let him stop.

          “You say _I’m_ perverted,” Eren rests his head in his hand as he tells me, “but, oh baby, it seems like you are just as bad as me.” He darts out his tongue to lick his full lips, and I watch intently.

          “Shut up, no I’m not. It’s your fault, you know,” I stray my eyes away from his intense gaze and I look down shyly. _You make me do things I would never, ever think of doing in my entire life._

Eren points a finger to the right of me suddenly and I turn my head in that direction. What I notice is a rather flush-faced girl and a man seated across from her. The girl seems to be fiddling with her fingers nervously whilst the blonde man is hiding his face in his hands. _Why is Eren pointing to them?_

“They saw us,” Eren answers my thoughts, “it’s kind of amusing how people react to two men kissing. Don’t you think?” He cocks a brow.

          “Oh, so you snogged me to put on a little show for them?” I question, leaning my elbow on the table.

          “Of course not. I just wanted an excuse to touch those beautiful lips of yours.”

          I lift my brows and roll my eyes. But no matter how hard I try to conceal it, his words still drive my heart fucking mental. “Flirt,” I accuse.

          “Ultra-pervert,” Eren flings right back at me.

          “You’re annoying,” I state with a small frown upon my face.

          “Yes, but I would be boring otherwise,” he smiles and I shake my head slowly.

          I grab my fork from my plate and point it at him. “I don’t like you for your stupidity, so shut up,” I twirl the food on my plate and place it into my mouth to chew.

          Eren smirks. “Oh? So why do you like me then, hm?” he places his folded hands under his chin. I gulp my food and press my lips into a thin line.

          “Isn’t it obvious? Or are you that blind? God, Eren. Hasn’t anyone ever told you just how beautiful you are?” I question, my insides fluttering, making me feel queasy. Being honest with him makes me nervous beyond words.

          Eren furrows his brows. “What? So you like me for my looks?” he says, but the way he says it makes me think I did not make my point clear enough.

          “No, not just for your physical attractiveness. Are you mental? Eren, you have so many amazing traits,” I tell him, a serious tone layering my voice, “I don’t even know where to begin. It overwhelms me just how gorgeous of a human being you are.” I say, the words escaping me- but I’m somehow always truthful that way.

          He smiles at me, a flushed tint growing on his cheeks as he looks at me with the happiest expression a person could ever possess. Eren always seems to look at me like this. I do so little, and yet he reacts that way. I don’t understand why or how, but I’m just glad that I can somehow make him happy.

          “Aw, baby, you really think that?” he says with a hint of slyness, and I go back to rolling my eyes. “I love you.” He says in a sing-song voice.

          “Shut up and eat your food, Eren,” I scold, not too harshly, and he chuckles.

          “Certainly, my baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating last week! I was very busy with Comic Con and all that - but at least I updated during the week, right?
> 
> I want a Catharsis Eren in my life. Lucky Levi.
> 
> Hope you guys liked the chapter and are looking forward to what is to come ;) Thank you for your constant support towards this story - I couldn't do it without you.
> 
> Until next time xx


	36. Bottom Lip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, updated again :)
> 
> Just wanted to let you all know I have a new fic I'm working on called "Aspectabund", and it's also an Ereri story. I'm aiming for it to be even better than Catharsis, and from what I have planned out, it's looking good! I'm better with writing stories containing darker themes, as I've had more experience with them, and are more fun to write - for me :)
> 
> The chapters will be longer in that fic too, and I'm working extra hard on it. The prologue has been posted, so I hope some of you will check it out!
> 
> Alas, enjoy the chapter of our little Catharsis babies xx lol

“No, Eren, I don’t really do photos,” I say, putting my hands up to cover my face, and I hear a faint chuckle from in front of me as I do so.

          “Why not, baby? You’re really photogenic,” he says gently, sliding his finger across the phone, making that obnoxious ‘click’ sound. He puts it up in front of his face and I completely turn my body away from him the moment he does.

          _I hate photos._ “I am _not_ ,” I reply, “all I do is frown in them anyway. How on Earth is that pleasant to look at?” shaking my head, I pinch my eyebrows together tightly, and look at him in my peripheral vision. The boy facing me grins, for some odd reason.

          “That’s not true. The picture I found in Jean’s room of you and him, had you smiling in it. Might I say, when I saw it, I was quite surprised. You should definitely smile more often,” Eren tells me as he darts out his tongue to lick those fucking sinful lips of his.

          I bite my bottom lip shyly, running a hand through my hair once nervously, whilst Eren puts down his phone on the table. “I look God damn stupid smiling. You’re just insane,” I scoff, trying to hide the fact that I’m probably blushing like a bloody idiot.

          “Yes, utterly, completely, and only for you,” he smiles widely as he says the sweet words, and I find my heart accelerating the moment he does, “Levi.” he looks fondly, and my breath catches in my throat once more.

          I don’t know what to say as I fiddle with my fingers anxiously, and he seems to notice, as he reaches a hand over the table to grasp them both in his sturdy hold. Eren stares into my eyes, grinning that infamous Jaeger grin that I have come to love over this short period of time. It’s impossible not to admire.

          “Eat your dinner, Eren,” I say, turning the conversation in a completely different direction. He caresses the side of my hand with his thumb and my skin seems to tingle, for some reason unknown to me. It always seems to do that when he touches me.

          His grin suddenly becomes twisted, resembling a devious smirk. “I’m already finished. Now, I’m ready for my dessert,” he continues stroking, looking at me with mischief behind his colourful eyes.

          I feel my body become hot, and I have to take a quick sip of my water to try and cool myself down. _God, my hands are shaking._ “Oh? What do you fancy?” I decide to go along with it, secretly loving this playful nature of Eren’s. I’m just as bad as him.

          His eyes widen for a moment, probably surprised from my response, but he quickly regains himself and returns to making that sensual expression from before. “Hm… a certain delicacy. Something exquisite, flavoured to perfection from the top to the bottom,” he says in a low voice, biting his bottom lip sexily, “something so delicious that I won’t be able to stop eating even if I wanted to.”

          I gasp, and Eren chuckles at my reaction with that God damn cocky look on his beautiful face. “Think that something as divine as that exists?” I question, taking it a step further. I absolutely crave his pretty words.

          “Oh _yes_ , baby, I do,” he answers, his eyelids lowering ever so slightly, exposing an even more lustful expression. It astounds me how sexy this man can be, and I’m an utter fool for him, “and I can’t _wait_ to dig in.” He smirks.

          There’s no doubt about it that I’m completely crimson from head to toe. As of right now, my heart is racing, my hands are trembling, my mind is puzzled and every single sane thought escapes me in seconds. _How does he have the courage to say these type of things?_ I may never know, but I hope he never stops.

          “Don’t try and start something you can’t finish; we’re in a _restaurant_ , Eren,” I point out to him, and he chuckles under his breath, “please, just try and… contain yourself or whatever.” My hand escapes Eren’s grip and goes to cover my quivering mouth.

          “Maybe you should be telling yourself that. _You’re_ the one who egged me on in the first place,” he says as he places his hands underneath his chin, “you’re just as bad as me, Levi. There’s no denying that.” He teases.

          He’s not lying there, I _did_ encourage him majorly, but I can’t help it. I love hearing him talk to me in that perverted way he does. “Oh please; who’s the one who’s horny twenty four-seven?” I put a finger to my lip. “You are.” I point directly at him.

          “True, but you can’t say you aren’t the same,” he sticks out his tongue playfully, and I furrow my brows, “I see the way you look at me, baby.” Eren looks down at me smugly.

          I scoff at this cocky boy with tousled, brown hair. “Oh, really? Sure you aren’t getting ahead of yourself there?” I tilt my head to the side. “How can you tell?” I question, curious to know how he notices how infatuated I am with him.

          Eren licks his lips slowly with a mischievous smirk. “Firstly, the way you blush whenever I say something to turn you on – gosh, you don’t have a clue as to how much that drives me crazy,” he starts off, “secondly, the way you whimper whenever I touch you. Thirdly, the way your eyelids lower when I look at you. I can see that you want me.” He winks, and I gulp.

          _Oh, so as I assumed, he can see clearly how I react to him._ Well, that’s quite embarrassing. “You’re making shit up,” I say, to deny that annoying, confident expression of his.

          “Oh, no I’m not. Be as ignorant as you want, nothing will change the fact that you want me, Levi,” he says, speaking the absolute _fucking_ truth. Nothing gets passed Eren Jaeger, does it?

          I roll my eyes and press my lips into a thin line. “You’re awfully cocky, Jaeger,” I state, and he laughs at the remark, “would it kill you to be humble?” I tease, a smirk pulling at the corner of my lips.

          Eren bites at the corner of his lip so slightly, and that look of his alone makes me so desperately want to pull his luscious bottom lip in between my teeth. “No, I’m just telling the truth is all,” he runs a hand through his hair, exposing the entirety of his face for a brief moment before his dark, chocolate hair falls down over his eyes, “you like it when I bite my lip, baby?” he smiles.

          I purse my lips, trying to contain myself. _Gosh, how does he figure these things out so quickly?_ “I’ve noticed your expression changes whenever I bite my bottom lip; it’s really cute,” he says slyly, “does it turn you on? Would you like me to reach over you now and take yours in between my teeth?” he brushes his thumb along his pink lips.

          I cover my face with my hands and blush profusely. _Why does he take every opportunity to do this to me?_ “N-no, you fucking moron,” I reply and uncover my face once more, “stop it.”

          “Why? You like it, don’t you?” Eren runs his index finger along the line of my jaw and it sends chills down my spine, “words don’t need to explain that fact; your expressions alone do that just enough.” He says in a low voice, bringing his finger to my bottom lip.

          A fiery kind of feeling is left after he takes his finger away, and I whimper at the small loss of contact. “You’re only proving my point further,” he says smugly, obviously quite proud of himself. _Fucker._

I can’t help it that I’m so fucking infatuated with Eren; these feelings are not under my control, just like with lots of people. But with him, it seems as if my feelings are more hectic than most.

          “Oh, shut your mouth, Eren,” I retort, looking away from his eyes.

          “Nope, I shan’t,” he smiles fondly at me.

 

 

*

 

 

As Eren and I walk along the cemented pathway in the city of Sina, I look up to the sky with a million thoughts brewing in my mind; all involving the gorgeous boy next to me, holding my pale hand. But when I continue staring into the darkness, gazing upon the luminous stars scattered in little sparkles, I seem to forget the process of thinking completely.

          We left the restaurant only just a few minutes ago; one of the waiters had to tell us to leave, as the restaurant was nearing its close for the night and we were still there, in the way. Eren and I left soon after, Eren paying for the entire dinner, and me scolding him _again_ for it. I didn’t even want to know the amount he payed, because I didn’t want to feel any more fucking guilty than I was already.

          Most of the dinner considered of Eren and I bantering, teasing, touching, occasionally kissing, talking about him (I didn’t want to talk about me much) and fucking around, really, and I have to admit it was fun. I’m not sure if that’s the right word for it, but I did enjoy my time with him – rather a lot.

          I do hang out with my friends on an occasion, and it’s always been fun, but when it’s with Eren, it is much more different. I feel special around him; wanted, needed, loved, and it’s such a good, but strange feeling all at once.

          There’s no doubt I want to be with Eren and he wants to be with me, the only problems arise from myself. I must overcome this self-consciousness and move on ahead being who I am, because no one else is going to bloody well do it for me.

          And it will happen. Soon.

          “Levi, what are you thinking?” Eren asks me in a gentle voice as we walk together, hand in hand, along the pavement.

          I turn my head in his direction and meet my eyes with his. “About how much I enjoyed tonight. Thank you, Eren,” I say, sincerity lacing my tone, and he smiles warmly down upon me.

          “You’re very welcome, baby,” he lifts my hand to kiss my knuckles. The intimate gesture warms my heart, and I nearly smile. Nearly, “anything for you. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

          I don’t speak, instead I return his reply with a sad excuse of a smile, and he does the same – although his smile is just fucking drop-dead gorgeous as usual. I don’t know how this guy does it.

        “No matter what star, you’ll always shine brighter to me, Levi,” Eren tells me, and I look up at him with raised brows. I notice his expression is contorted, as if he was trying to hide a smile. _Huh?_

          I scoff. “That was fucking cheesy as shit, Eren,” I snort, nearly laughing at the ridiculous quote he had probably made up on the spot, and find myself glad it’s dark out so he doesn’t see me like this.

          He laughs, a beautiful laugh, out loud, and intertwines his arm around my own, somehow nearly knocking me over. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! The opportunity was there – I just had to, okay?” he continues laughing to himself, and I look up at him, fondly.

          He’s a dork, but I absolutely adore him for it. “Say shit like that again and I’m going to have to punch you,” I say, teasingly, and he chuckles at my response.

          “Aw, baby, no you wouldn’t,” he snuggles up to me as we walk, and I find myself not minding a single bit.

          “Try me, Jaeger,” I threaten with a smirk pulling at my lips.

          “I shall,” he looks down at me, and forms that smirk on his face that has driven me crazy to no end.

          And I don’t think it’ll ever stop.


End file.
